


The Rarest of Soulmates: The First Week

by NyxWordsmith, thestoryofme13



Series: The Colours of the Soul [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Assisted Masturbation, Bad Sleeping Habits, Biting, Bondage mention, Cockblocking, Crying, Embarrassment, Fear, Fear of loss, Food mention, Guilt, Hand Job, Horny Ass Boys, Intrusive Thoughts, Kissing, Lack of Sleep, M/M, Making Out, Marking, Marking Mention, Masturbation in Shower, Mild Angst, Narcolepsy, Nausea, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Nudity, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Palming, Panic, Panic Attacks, Past Grooming, Porn Mention, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Fantasy, Slight Voyeurism, Solo Fingering, Swearing, Toxic Relationship, Trouble breathing, Unworthy, Vomitting Mention, Wet Dream, alcohol mention, anal mention, eating mention, insomnia mention, masturbation mention, near nudity, past vomit mention, sex mention, sexual innuendo, shaking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2019-09-30 04:18:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 55,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17216846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyxWordsmith/pseuds/NyxWordsmith, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestoryofme13/pseuds/thestoryofme13
Summary: Everything's better with a soulmate...right?





	1. Flash of Colour

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Swearing, Sex Mention, Alcohol Mention

 The usual bustle and rush of the city washed over Remy as he wandered the familiar streets, slipping into a crowd he really didn’t belong to. He smirked to himself, sauntering through the crowd, eyes scanning the moving bodies before him from behind his sunglasses.

 It normally would have made him happy to slip into the crowd, to seemingly disappear despite how different he looked to the suits around him, but the pounding headache made it hard to enjoy it.

 He glanced up, to a familiar sign that overhung the pavement. Suits entered and exited the busy little coffeeshop, sun glaring off the sign and Remy realised exactly why it was so hot. It was summer and more to the point, nearly  _midday_. He was up  _early_.

 He caught a glimpse of his reflection in a window; his long near-black hair ruffled and wild, his tanktop hanging loose where it was slightly torn over his bare chest, his jeans tight but one cuff twisted wrong. He looked like a hot-mess and Remy couldn’t help but grin, his unusually sharp canines flashing off the glass.

 He tucked both of his hands into his pockets, shoulders back as he continued through the crowd. Looking a hot mess was not exactly his main concern, considering what he’d gotten up to. However, he needed coffee, and he needed it yesterday.

 

* * *

 

 

 The bell above the door jingled, familiar but unwelcome, considering Remy’s headache, and he held the door for a suit clearly in a rush to leave. He turned to the line he expected to be longer, smirking once more to himself. Only four other people were ahead, and as one stepped aside, a particularly tall man stepped forward to order.

 Remy was impressed. The guy looked just like the rest of the suits, but tall as hell.

 He let the familiar and ever-welcome smell of coffee filter through him, smiling as he stumbled to the line. He was never up this early, but he’d had one hell of a night, and planned to have another crazy bender. He needed the wake-up call.

 Remy rocked onto his heels as he waited, moving forward with the line as he noticed the tall man in the corner of his eye. He was pretty. About four inches taller than Remy himself, with short auburn hair. It was longer at the top, neatly styled in a soft sweep, with a soft fade on the sides and back. His eyes were a bright copper, focussed on something beyond the barista he was watching, like he were unravelling some kind of puzzle from behind his thick black glasses.

 Remy tore his eyes away. He looked like a suit. He probably had some kind of meeting he had to attend. Definitely wasn’t Remy’s type, that was for sure. Still, he was pretty.

 

* * *

 

 

_How would that affect their ability to-_

 “Logan?”

 His back snapped straight when he heard his name called, and the familiar barista smiled at him, “Won’t be much longer.”

 He nodded, eyes slowly scanning the line he’d been a part of. A dishevelled man caught his eye, though Logan wasn’t sure why. His jeans were askew, far too tight to be comfortable, and torn over his thighs, and the tightness of his jeans only accentuated how  _loose_ and  _low_ his tanktop was. Wild, brown-black hair hung over his sunglasses and his face, the stranger’s arms crossed over his chest as he rested on one leg, the other on his toes.

 Logan tore his eyes away, fighting the urge to shake his head. Whatever had happened to him, Logan wanted no part of it.

 “Logan.”

 The familiar barista’s voice broke him from his thoughts again and he stepped forward to take the offered mug, “Thank you.”

 “You’re welcome.” the barista answered lightly and Logan turned to return to his table. He had not, however, considered that the disheveled man had finished ordering. He tried to stop in time, but bumped into him, barely managing to keep himself from splashing the scalding hot tea onto the stranger, “I’m sorry.” he mumbled, eyes darting down to the stranger before him.

 The stranger tipped his head up, a lazy smile spread on his face as the stranger rubbed absently at his chin, “Nah, don’t worry about it.” his voice was low and calm, shrugging one shoulder. The strap of his tank slipped from his shoulder to his elbow and for the first time, Logan noticed the soulmark on the stranger’s collarbone.

 A flash of cobalt blue light pushed all other thoughts Logan had aside, silencing his internal gears and he blinked, “Oh shit…”

 The stranger’s brow arched over his glasses, “What?” a smirk pulling at his lips that didn’t quite seem relaxed, “Never seen a walk of shame?”

 Logan rolled his eyes, “It seems your ‘walk of shame’ has exposed a bit more.” he pointed down to the stranger’s mark, some of the middle lines already turning cobalt blue. The other remaining black lines glowed softly.

 The stranger followed Logan’s finger to his own chest, pushing the sunglasses hurriedly into his hair. The corners of his eyes crinkled, more of a wince and a squint, “What the fu-”

 Well that was one way to react. Logan ignored social convention, taking the stranger by the elbow and dragged him to his table. He ignored the surprised yelp of protest, stopping just short of his chair and letting go, “I’m sure someone has explained what that means by now, right?”

 The stranger rolled his pale green eyes, following Logan into a seat, leaving his glasses in his hair, “No, I was born yesterday.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice, fingers absently running over his own mark as those pale green eyes locked with Logan’s.

 Logan rolled his own eyes, “And you’re aware of the colour meaning?” he asked slowly, not quite sure how much soulmark education this stranger had. Logan was well aware that some schools offered ‘alternative’ learning programs and some parents didn’t want to discuss it.

 The stranger waved their hand, “I have no idea, but I need a coffee if I’m gonna be learning this early in the morning.” he pushed back to his feet, bracing against the table for support.

 Logan watched his supposed soulmate stumble back to the counter, retrieving the coffee he’d ordered. Of all the people on earth, the universe chose  _that_ man to be his soulmate...and he had no idea why.  _It’s going to be a long morning._  He sighed, opening his notebook and quickly adding a few ideas and notes before the stranger returned.

 

* * *

 

 

 Remy leant against the counter, bantering lightly with the barista about the complexity of his order. He came here often enough that they didn’t mind, he knew that, but they still liked to pick on him for it.

 But even as he bantered, there was an undeniable itch that he couldn’t ignore anymore. The itch he’d managed to ignore his whole life with one-night stands and alcohol. Supposedly, the scratch to his itch was sitting behind him.

 He tried to shake the thoughts free as he stirred sugar into his coffee, grinning widely at the barista even as her face twisted with concern.

 Remy turned, stumbling his way back to the table and flopping into his seat, sitting almost sideways and crossing his legs, an arm draped over the back of the chair. He took a slow sip from the plastic lid, relishing the way his coffee tasted. Good, that would get last night’s alcohol out of his mouth and throat at least.

 Suit-boy looked up from his notebook, back straight and face unreadable, but eyes sharp and observant behind his glasses, “Would you like to do this a different time?” he watched as Remy took another sip of his coffee, trying to ignore the burning in his skull, “Or do you think you can absorb what I tell you?” he arched an eyebrow.

 Remy huffed, tossing his sunglasses down onto the table, letting them clatter to a stop and taking another slow slip, “Gimme a minute.” he pressed the heel of a hand into his eye, “Name’s Remy, by the way.”

 The suit sighed, “I’m Logan. Supposedly your soulmate.”

 Remy leaned onto the table, arm before him, “Supposedly?” he asked, “Alright, Mr. Doubtful, care to explain?” he asked, waving a hand and sipping at his coffee again.

 A small smile spread on Logan’s face, “Well, your mark glowed blue, signifying that I am your soulmate. But it also means you have more.”

 Remy blinked at him, his face going blank. He really didn’t have the energy to be his usually dramatic self, “I...what? More than...” he pulled back from the table, an arm crossing over his chest and legs crossing again, “Nope. Nah-uh. No thank you, ma’am.”

 Logan’s face twisted with confusion, “I’m a sir…” he answered slowly, shaking the expression off, “Aside from that obvious misstep, you have more than one partner, Remy. Otherwise, your mark would have glowed white.” Logan’s eyes searched Remy’s for something, “It’s also known as polyamory.”

 Remy couldn’t help but stare at this man opposite him. How was he able to tell him,  _Remy_ , that he had a  _soulmate_ , and be absolutely, 100% genuine about it? Well, as genuine as someone can be when their equally as surprised.

 More to the point,  _Remy_ have  _more_ than one? How?  _Why_?

 “Polyarmour?” He repeated, choosing to ignore Logan’s misunderstanding of gender and slang, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 Logan’s unreadable expression softened into a smile again, “It means you can love more than one person. You have so much love to give, that sometimes other people grab your attention the way your partner does.” Logan’s hands moved subtly as he talked, clearly enjoying the chance to teach, “You’ve probably noticed yourself getting crushes while dating someone.” his expression abruptly changed, “Or something similar.”

 Remy had to admit, it sounded familiar, “Whoa, okay, hang on, Google.” Remy squeezed his eyes closed, feeling momentary relief in his skull and slowly leaning forward again, to rest his forehead on his forearm, “Let me just...process that for a sec.”

 Logan rolled his eyes at the nicknames, but the corner of his lip twitched into a subtle smirk, “Take all the time you require. My mom taught me about soulmarks from a very young age and to be skeptical of them.”

 Remy couldn’t help the bitterness in his voice, “Lucky you.” he mumbled to the table, absently putting his other hand over his head.

 How the hell had  _he_ ended up with more than one partner?  A shot of ice ran up his spine at the thought. Sure, Logan’s explanation and Remy’s past feelings lined up...but  _shit_ that was going to be hard to explain.

 He sighed hard, sitting himself up again to meet Logan’s eyes, “And what’s your opinion on all this?”

 Logan’s eyebrow rose, “My opinion on you having more than one partner? Soulmates in general?” he clasped his hands together on the table between them, “You’ll have to be more specific.”

 Remy smirked, trying to ignore the way his stomach was churning. And he wasn’t entirely sure if it was his hangover, or the realisation he was sitting across from his soulmate...

 “Me having more than one partner.” he answered and picked up his coffee, holding the lid to his lip as he added, “If you even  _want_ me as a soulmate.” he sipped his coffee quickly to hide the way his smirk dipped, “If you’d rather I disappeared as quickly as I showed up.” he tried to act nonchalant, but the idea hurt.

 His supposed soulmate’s smile was strained, “You having more than one partner is scary for me. It’s very unusual for a monogamous person like myself, to be paired with a polyamorous person.” Logan stopped speaking for a moment, studying Remy’s face, “You aren’t unattractive, so I have no complaints.” Logan sipped his tea again, “We’ll have to see about your personality.”

 Even if the smile had been strained, something about it put Remy’s thoughts at ease, “Gotta say, I’ve never heard of having more than one soulmate.” Remy ran the pad of his finger over the rim of his plastic lid, feeling the ridges, “Don’t blame you for being scared either. I’ve got personality to fill a semi…” he met Logan’s gaze with a smirk, “When I’m not hungover.”

 Logan sipped at his tea, “More than one partner is actually quite common. I would like to say I am absolutely certain I’m mono. But I won’t be sure until my soulmate-” he paused, “-you, see my mark. But I have a feeling.” Logan lowered his mug to the table, a soft, more relaxed smirk pulling onto his face, “You’ve consumed far too much alcohol...explains a number of things.”

 A chuckle bubbled out of Remy, “I  _am_ a bartender.” he smirked at Logan over his coffee, “I’m guessing you’re gonna make me wait to see this mark of yours.” he teased lightly.

 Logan laughed back and Remy had to hide his smile with his coffee. Damn, he was  _pretty_ , “I’ve only had one person see my mark…” something dark flickered over his face, “I’m demi. It’ll take time, but I understand if you get frustrated by the work.”

 Remy recognised the flicker over Logan’s face, shaking his head with a smile, “Firstly, I like your laugh.” he sipped his coffee, “Secondly, what  _is_ demi?” he leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs again, “And lastly, am I  _always_ gonna be learning new things from you?”

 Logan’s smile was warm and surprisingly gentle, “I am well-read and educated. I have to be in order to be an author.” His hands moved subtly as he spoke, “Demi means I can find someone attractive, but I won’t experience attraction unless there is an emotional connection.”

 Remy’s eyes widened and brightened, “You’re an author?” he asked, glancing down at Logan’s notebook. He had so many questions but forced himself to meet Logan’s eyes and push that excitement away. He smirked coyly, “Nerdy.” he leaned onto the table again, propping his chin in his hand, “Emotional connection...makes sense. I guess. Kinda.”

 Logan smirked as he rolled his eyes, bright copper meeting Remy’s eyes again, “Yes, I’ve published several books.” he closed his notebook as subtly as possible, “I’m demiromantic  _and_ demisexual. It will apply to both.”

 Remy sighed, quirking an eyebrow, “I hear ya, I hear ya.” he finished the rest of his coffee, “As the demi here, I gotta ask. What do you want from this...I dunno. Soulmark stuff?”

 

* * *

 

 

 Perhaps Logan’s initial thoughts on Remy, his  _soulmate_ , had been incorrect. Sure, he appeared dishevelled and reckless, but so far, he’d had the kindness to consider Logan’s feelings regarding soulmates. And although Logan had  _lots_ of feelings about that, he appreciated the gesture.

 He smirked as he held Remy’s pale green eyes, “Talking, getting to know you more.” he answered, relaxing his hands on the table, “Perhaps we can determine what would be the best course of action from there.”

 Something like amused surprise flickered over Remy’s face, a soft smile spreading. He looked haggard and weary, still squinting strangely up at Logan, but the smile softened his features, “Sooo...that was an ‘I don’t know’?” he teased gently, before nodding with another smile, leaning back against his chair, “I’m okay with that.” he yawned, “Can I at least get ya number?”

 He would consider later why he hadn’t hesitated, why he hadn’t requested Remy’s to set the pace himself. But rather, found himself scrawling out his phone number into a leaf of his notebook, tearing it out and offering it to Remy, “I’ve always been skeptical of soulmates and the finality of it.” he thought to glance at his watch, “And perhaps you should rest. You must have had one hell of a night.”

 The man across from him snickered taking the paper from Logan, “I’m far too hungover to debate anything right now.” a fond smile crossed his face as he looked down at the note, pulling out his phone, “Well, I do have work tonight.” he finished typing it into his phone, getting to his feet, “I have a hell of a night,  _every_ night.” he winked as he tucked his phone into his pocket.

 Logan was surprised his phone  _fit_ in there, considering how tight Remy’s jeans were.

 He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his alleged soulmate, “Then text me a suitable time for you. I don’t work frequently and I’m here otherwise.”

 Remy’s face broke out into a wide grin as he picked up his sunglasses, “You live one very adventurous life, Logan!” he teased, slipping the sunglasses back onto his face. The wince disappeared quickly, “Be careful or you might get hurt.”

Remy was almost halfway across the cafe before a thought occurred to Logan and he shot up, “Wait, Remy!” he was pretty sure eyes were on them, but he caught Remy’s wrist and the other paused, turning to him, “Are you gay?” he asked, hesitant and quiet. There was no guarantee that their sexualities would be compatible afterall and-

 There was a pause as Remy processed Logan’s question, his hand falling from Remy’s wrist, before a grin spread on his face, “You could say that.” he teased slightly, tucking a hand into his pocket and turning to the door, “I’ll text ya later, Logan!” he waved with his free hand as he sauntered through the door and back out into the summer sun.

 Logan sighed as the door closed behind him. What the hell had the universe planned for him this time?


	2. Point of Contact

 Remy stepped out of the shower, his skin warm as he towel dried his hair and skin. He smirked to himself, already feeling warmer and  _clean_. And considering the kind of night and day he’d had, he felt...bizarre. Like maybe he’d hallucinated his entire conversation with Logan.

 He glanced at his phone on the basin, unsurprised to see the notification light blinking sadly into the dim bathroom. He wrapped the towel around his waist, stepping off the thin, battered bathmat to pick his phone up off the basin.

 There it was, Logan’s number. Waiting over an empty message. He’d never felt apprehensive about texting someone before, but this was  _new_. Logan was supposedly his soulmate. And Remy had never even considered that as an  _option_.

 He traced his fingers over his mark, glancing to his face in the reflection of the filthy mirror. What would Logan see in him?

 _[RemRem_ : Greetings, earthling, is is I. Remy.]

 He rolled his eyes at himself and pulled a face in the mirror as he put his phone back down on the basin.  _Geez, I really need to try and clean this place...again…_

 He looked at the walls...the cracking and peeling plaster, the water-stained ceiling, the tile that- that  _just_ fell off. He sighed to himself. No matter how often he tried to clean it...it never felt clean.

 His whole apartment felt that way, anyways.

 

* * *

 

 

 Never before had his home felt...so empty. And Logan couldn’t quite put his finger on the why. He lived alone, for starters, and had for a  _long_ time. This was his house, in a quiet neighbourhood, with neighbours just as private as he was. And that was how Logan had always liked it.

 But now...well, it felt oddly empty.  _Too_ quiet. He sighed as he paused from his work, looking around the living room that felt too big, his couch that felt too empty, trying to understand  _what_ it was he was missing exactly.

 

* * *

 

 

 His phone vibrated on the arm of the chair beside him, distracting Logan from his thoughts. The small light blinked blue, A  _message_?

 He reached out, surprised by the unknown number on his lock screen before he saw the text below it.

 _[Unknown_ : Greetings, earthling, it is I. Remy.]

 He rolled his eyes, the feeling of alone ebbing off slightly as he unlocked his phone and placed his laptop on the couch beside him.

 _[Logan_ : Of all greetings, why that one?]

 

* * *

 

 

  Remy dragged himself from his bathroom, towel around his shoulders, in nothing but boxers as he absently dried his hair with one hand, phone in the other. His bed was covered in clothes beside him, along with too many pillows and blankets for him to guess. He wasn’t even sure he could call it a bed anymore. It looked more like a nest.

 His phoned chimed loudly in his hand, even as Remy tossed it onto his bed and kicked discarded clothes away from his bed. His kitchenette screamed at him from beyond the seperating wall, dishes and abandoned food piling the counters and he pulled a face at it all.

 When was the last time he’d  eaten here? He shook his head, more to the point, when was the last time he’d... _looked_ at his apartment? He sighed as another chime went off, finding clean clothes for his shift and pulling them back with him to the bed, laying them on the designated ‘to wear’ chair.

 He picked his phone up, smiling when he saw Logan’s notification and ignoring the others.

 _[LoganisBae??_ : Of all greetings, why that one?]

 Remy could hear the eye roll through the text, laughing as he turned and fell on his back amongst the plethora of pillows, blankets and clothes. He was pretty sure 90% of it wasn’t even his. He pulled one such pillow out from under him, tossing it against the wall.

 _[RemRem_ : It seemed fitting! Don’t judge me, Google.]

 

* * *

 

 

 Hearing his phone vibrate again, Logan sighed and glanced at it. He wasn’t accustomed to so much activity on his phone, pausing his typing to pick it up. It was highly likely that Remy texted as a primary form of communication but that was...too much for Logan. He  _really_ hoped it wouldn’t become an everyday occurence for him.

 There were reasons he only had six contacts.

 _[Logan_ : I am judging you, since you can’t seem to tell me apart from a non-sentient search engine.]

 He couldn’t help but smirk at his own joke, gently putting his phone back down on the arm of the couch beside him. As he reached for his laptop, his eyes rose to the rest of the empty sectional, feeling a strange and unfamiliar cold pang in his chest.

 When had he felt this lonely last? When he was...? He tried to shake the feelings and thoughts free, picking up his laptop again and settling it onto his lap.

 It was probably nothing. Remy was the first person he’d spoken to...beyond a professional relationship, in a long time. He would be fine in time.

 

* * *

 

 

 He read the message with a grin, chuckling as he clumsily wriggled into the blankets, feeling the mass of blankets and pillows against his back and around his legs. Talking to Logan brought a smile to his face that he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

 And even though that terrified him somewhere deep down, it was also...fun. And nice. He wrapped his blankets in a thick comforter, feeling tiny amongst the various blankets, clothes and pillows that pressed down on him.

 He unlocked his phone to reply, lying on his stomach, wriggling into his nest further so his comforter was over his head.

 _[RemRem_ : You’re saying you’re really human???]

 

* * *

 

 

 Logan threw his head back, grumbling softly when his phone vibrated  _again_. He sighed, pulling his head forward and finishing the sentence with a furrowed brow before turning to the screen. Seeing Remy’s name in his phone though...brought a smile to his face regardless.

 _[Remy_ : You’re saying you’re actually human???]

 He rolled his eyes, ignoring his laptop and pulling his phone close. That odd feeling of loneliness had seeped away some, but not enough for Logan’s comfort. Even his usual, soft piano music was doing little to ease the discomfort.

 Still, Logan did not particularly enjoy texting.

 _[Logan_ : Are you saying you are not the same Remy that was at our chance encounter this morning?]

 He sighed with a smile, dropping his phone beside him as he quickly scanned back over his last sentence. If it was going to buzz again, it may as well be close.

 

* * *

 

 

 A giggle bubbled out of Remy’s chest before he’d even realised what was happening, slapping his hand over his mouth and tossing himself onto his back. He stared up at his cracked ceiling, eyes wide with surprise, realising the butterflies fluttering in his stomach and chest.

 When was the last time he’d felt  _anything_ like this? Sure, he’d experience attraction before but this…

 His hand fell from his mouth,  _Is this what a soulmate feels like?_  His fingers ran over the skin where his mark would be...the mark he hadn’t looked at in years. That he...didn’t mind showing the world, but would prefer not to look at.

 Was he scared? Or excited? It was hard for him to tell. Both emotions felt so similar, he couldn’t tell if the wild fluttering of his heart was excitement, or if the beating of blood in his ears was fear.

 He realised quickly, that regardless, his stomach was churning and he was almost certain this time it  _wasn’t_ his hangover.

 _[RemRem_ : No one could even hope to imitate me, sweet pea. I am one of a kind.]

 He let his phone drop onto the pillow beside him, throwing his arms wide as he stared up at the ceiling. He knew so little about soulmates and soulmarks, thanks for that  _Dad_ , but...he’d also made no effort to find out on his own.

 And now...now he was kind of wishing he had.

 

* * *

 

 

 Logan was almost able to guess exactly when his phone would vibrate, only off by about thirty seconds and he sighed, rolling his eyes again and putting his laptop aside. Texting really wasn’t his thing. He just...wanted to get work  _done_ , Remy…

 He pulled up the contact, pressing the call button before nerves could stop him entirely.

 

* * *

 

 

 Remy really didn’t expect a response. He was accustomed to texting by now, conversations dropping out and picking up, a floater in so many people’s lives that it didn’t even really bother him anymore.

He’d flicked to Tumblr the moment he’d finished his text with Logan, aware that he was waiting for six  _other_ responses he probably wouldn’t get until tonight, busying himself with his little life on the blue hellsite. He was halfway through a reply to an anon when his phone lit up and the screen changed.

_[Logan is calling]_

Remy’s eyes widened in surprise, hand tightening around his phone.  _Why is he calling me?! Should I pick up? Maybe it’s important?_

He swiped across and lowered the phone to his ear while taking a deep breath, “Moshi moshi!”

He heard the eye roll in Logan’s sigh, Remy’s chest relaxing, “ _Are you always this incessant of a texter?”_  Remy snickered, “ _If so, why don’t we just meet up?”_

Remy bit his lip to hide a giggle, “Most of my time is spent on my phone, so yes. And I mean, sure.” he turned onto his side, “Anywhere you had in mind?”

 

* * *

 

 

 Logan hadn’t missed the slight hint of nervousness in Remy’s voice when he’d picked up his phone, but Logan couldn’t deny his own heart and chest relaxing when he heard Remy’s voice again. Something inside him was happy to hear from his soulmate,  _alleged soulmate_ , but that didn’t make it any easier to believe.

 Sure, he knew as much as his mother did, how he would react emotionally and physically to his new soulmate. But...he had also learned from her not to believe it at first sight. They went wrong...often enough.

 All the same, he couldn’t help but relax and chuckle, “How about Walleye Park?” he asked, idly playing with his t-shirt as he smiled against the phone.

 His own smile widened when he heard Remy’s grin through the phone, “ _That sounds like a plan. Any day you had in mind?”_  he heard rustling for a second, “ _Weekends kinda work best for me_.”

 He couldn’t help but smile a little wider, “Then how about tomorrow?”

 

* * *

 

 

 Remy burrowed further into his blankets, staring up at the ceiling, barely holding back a squeal. Jesus, had his soulmate reduced him to a teenager all over again? How the hell had Logan managed that?

 “That sounds like a good idea.” he offered, beaming up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the butterflies making him feel both euphoric and nauseous at the same time.

 Logan’s smile seemed to have widened, his own voice lilting with joy, “ _Alright, how about noon?_ ”

 Remy squirmed a little further under his blankets, flipping onto his stomach, “That sounds perfect.” he bit his lips, “What are we doing?”

 

* * *

 

 

 Logan wandered to his study as he heard the rustling of...something and Remy’s reply, “ _That sounds perfect. What are we doing?_ ”

 He sat in his chair, spinning around to his desktop computer, “A walk, some coffee,” he turned on the monitor, “Perhaps a boat ride.” he leaned back into his chair, “There are many things all crammed there like sardines.” he tapped idly on his desk, mind wandering a moment about what they could get up to.

 He really hadn’t planned anything and yet...he still wanted to go.

 He heard a muffled yawn through the phone, and more rustling as Logan realised what was happening. Remy had been either  _in bed_  or  _ready_ for bed when he called, “ _We’ll find a way to entertain ourselves._ ” he sounded drowsy, chuckling tiredly into the phone.

 Logan couldn’t help but smirk as his monitor illuminated the room, “We will. For now, I must bid you farewell. I have a bit more writing to accomplish before I can initiate sleep routine.”

 He heard a yawn this time, “ _Initiate sleep routine…_ ” he heard Remy’s tired chuckle through the phone, “ _G’night, Google._ ”

 Logan rolled his eyes, “I’m not-” he sighed, hearing a soft giggle from Remy, “Whatever.” he smiled brightly, “Goodnight, Remy. See you tomorrow.”


	3. It's Totally Not a Date, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild angst, Swearing

 Logan glanced at his watch, standing in the glorious summer sun and enjoying the warmth. _Fifteen minutes early. Good._  He moved to a nearby bench, folding himself into the seat and clasping his shaking hands.

 Why was he so nervous? He’d met Remy already. Had some idea of what he was like. There was no reason to be so nervous. More to the point, they were just...getting to know each other. It wasn’t a date.

 And no matter how many times he tried to convince himself, it didn’t change the way his heart fluttered. Or the anticipation that bubbled inside him.  _Shit_.

 

* * *

 

 

 Remy sipped at his coffee, ambling along a familiar pathway, slowly scanning the park. The summer sun was bliss on his skin, the gentle breeze catching at his loose tanktop and making it dance around him. He’d caught enough gazes so far, but none he was truly interested in.

 He glanced to the time on his phone. He wasn’t late, yet, but there was a possibility he’d managed to get himself lost...again. He sighed into the lid of his coffee cup, looking around again to try and absorb his surroundings. That tree looked awful familiar...shit. Maybe he was lost.

 Why...why was it so hard for him to  _not_  get lost?

 

* * *

 

 

  Logan glanced at his watch again, looking around the park. Families wandered around, small children yelling and playing. Couples were cuddling on blankets and talking in the summer sun, laughing and touching. A few were alone, reading books or drawing in the shade, absorbed in their private worlds, the only thing they shared being the summer sun and appreciation for the outdoors.

 He sighed, reaching for his phone. Surely it wouldn’t be imprudent to call? He pressed call on the contact, frowning at the second ring before he heard it pick up, “Hello, Remy.”

 

* * *

 

 

 Remy’s nervous laugh rang clear through the phone,  _“Hey, Logan_!” he heard something, probably Remy sipping at some coffee. A small jolt of concern raced into his chest... _How much caffeine do you consume_?

 “Are you, by chance, lost?” he asked softly, smiling as the anticipation grew but something else...the strange growing loneliness, ebbed away. “Unfamiliar with these new surroundings?” he cautiously teased.

 Remy snickered into the phone, “ _Not unfamiliar...been here a thousand times._ ” Logan listened for a moment before Remy cleared his throat, “ _I am, however, lost..._ ”

 A laugh bubbled out of Logan, getting to his feet, “Alright then where are you?” he asked, more amused by his soulmate than he had any right to be.

 This kind of inconvenience had always irked him in the past. It was fascinating that he found it amusing now. Along with the way his crushing loneliness ebbed, even at the sound of his voice...curious.

 He heard Remy take a deep breath, sipping again, “ _Ah...near the coffee cart with a red umbrella?_ ” he heard shifting, “ _I have no sense of direction…_ ” Remy lamented quietly.

 Logan’s smile only grew and snickered back into the phone, “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” he started walking briskly, “I know exactly where that is.”

 

* * *

 

 

 Remy glanced nervously around the park, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, “I have many stories about my lack of direction…” he laughed weakly, blushing slightly as he scanned the afternoon crowd for Logan’s face. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting.

 Would he be dressed just as formally as before? Or more casual?

 “I get lost a lot.” he added, taking another sip of coffee, “Rescue me.” he playfully pleaded, dodging a small child he had barely heard behind him.

 

* * *

 

 

 Logan smiled as he saw Remy’s distant form, watching him dodge the small child, “Well, you’ll have to tell me all about them.” he chuckled, “I can see you up ahead.”

 Remy snickered, “ _It would be easier to tell you the times I didn’t get lost…_ ” Remy was looking around and Logan blushed slightly as he approached, “ _How does someone-_ ” Remy’s eyes passed right over Logan, “ _-as formal as you blend into a casual crowd like this?_ ”

 Logan laughed brightly. He was enjoying Remy’s hopelessness a little more than he should, “Look to your right.” He watched Remy’s head turn, “To be fair, I’m wearing more casual clothes than my usual attire.”

 Remy was clearly scanning the crowd but the moment he saw Logan, a bright smile spread on his face. Holy shit...his heart melted at the sight, “ _I see you!_ ”

 Logan pulled the phone away and hung up, tucking it into the pocket of his dark wash jeans. His hand ran over the front of his soft grey, v-neck, missing the sensation of his tie, smiling brightly back at Remy.

 He was wearing a fresh pair of pale jeans, still ridiculously tight and showing off his legs that were far too nice to be legal. He wore another loose tanktop, though thankfully not nearly as low or loose as the one he’d worn yesterday, Remy somehow managing to tuck his phone into his jeans again.

 Honestly, that would always remain a mystery to him.

 Remy smiled back at Logan, “That look suits you.”

  Logan felt his heart soar suddenly, biting his lip to try and fight the blush, “Thank you.” he answered, “That look certainly shows off your physique.”

 Remy was quiet for a moment, a small blush spreading on his own cheeks, “Uh, thanks.” he cleared his throat, swinging a hand, “So! Have any idea what we’re doing first?”

 The soft blush made a swell of pride expand in his chest. Had he managed to fluster Remy a little bit? “I was thinking a boat ride, paddle boats.”

 Remy’s brows rose over his glasses, “I didn’t take you for the paddle-boat type.” Confusion and amusement clear on Remy’s face.

 Logan was surprised momentarily at how...expressive his soulmate was. Until he remembered the shades on his face. Perhaps it was so he could better express himself? Surely he had a reason for the shades then?

 Still, he couldn’t help but chuckle at the expression, “I wanted to explore a few new things.”

 Remy’s face relaxed into a smile again, “Well then, lead the way!”

 Logan offered his elbow, blushing as he realised the gesture and its meaning, “I don’t trust you to lead me anywhere.” he teased lightly.

 Remy threw his head back with a laugh, surprised again by Logan’s wit, “Okay fine, but I’m not blind!” Logan half-expected Remy to reject his gesture, but felt a small warmth when Remy took his elbow.

 He couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “I am well aware, I am also aware that you directionally challenged.” He led Remy toward the boathouse and after a small moment of quiet, he took a deep breath, “Remy, when I asked if you were gay...you weren’t clear. You don’t have to be...forward, but are you...attracted to men?”

 The shorter of the pair snorted, “Logan, I’m attracted to anyone and everyone.” he huffed, “Very tall, formal men included.” he gently nudged Logan’s ribs with his elbow, beaming up at him.

 He blushed brightly, biting his lip, “Then…” he stated softly, “We...have something in common…”

 Remy beamed widely up at Logan, “Well, that was cute.” he teased gently, resting his temple on Logan’s shoulder a moment.

 He rolled his eyes, “I am not cute.” he huffed, “Objectively I’m attractive. Not cute.” he fought a pout, “Puppies and kittens are cute.” he spotted the boathouse in the distance.

 Remy slipped around in front of Logan, forcing them to stop and unhooking their elbows. Logan stared down at Remy, eyes wide with surprise until Remy gently poked the tip of his nose with his index finger, “You  _are_  cute. Like a big, graceful doggo.”

 Logan flinched back, shaking his head in surprise and blinking at Remy a few times, “Did...did you just...touch my nose?” he asked, searching Remy’s face with confusion all over his own, “ _Why_?”

 Remy’s face broke into a wide grin, amused and...something softer there somewhere, “I booped you, nerdling.” Remy choked back a giggle, poorly, “And because it was worth  _that_  look.”

 Logan quirked an eyebrow, still as confused, resting his hand on Remy’s lower back as he guided him forward again. He greeted the person in charge, paying for their rent and guided Remy to their boat, “You’ve done this before, right?”

 Remy tilted his head on the dock, swinging from his toes to his heels, “You assumed I had?”

 He smiled with a soft chuckle, “No, I was just curious if you had.”

 His soulmate snickered softly, “I’m pretty sure I was like...eight? Last time I did this.” he smiled nervously, “So I’ll be rusty.” he teased.

 He rolled his eyes, “You’ll be fine.” he stepped onto the boat, waiting for Remy, who hesitantly stepped in, wobbling a little, but grinned victoriously when he successfully managed to stay out of the water.

 He rolled his eyes at his soulmate, clapping slowly and softly with a mocking smile. They sat in their seats, “Did you get time to think more about what I told you about your mark?”

 Remy smirked sheepishly, “Not particularly.” he shrugged, “I slept and then went to work, so no…” he looked out to the lake ahead of them, “Why?”

 “I was...curious to how you were feeling. I know there can be a stigma.” he said softly and slowly, as he started to paddle with his feet.

 

* * *

 

 

 Remy couldn’t ignore the cold that gnawed at his heart, grimacing and dropping his chin as he joined the paddling, “To be honest, I don’t know.” he crossed his arms over his chest, “I don’t know how I feel, and I don’t know enough to figure it out.” he shrugged, the cold blooming painfully before he’d spat the next words out, “If you don’t want the work of figuring it out with me, I wouldn’t blame you.”

 Remy knew what he expected of Logan. He expected a shrug, something dismissive, or outright cold silence as Logan decided Remy wasn’t worth his time. Maybe even aggression outright, relief maybe. A soft ‘thank god’ before leaving Remy alone in a park.

 He didn’t expect Logan to laugh, “Even if this doesn’t work out, you are my soulmate.” he relaxed into his seat, “I want you to be more prepared, for when you meet your next.”

 Remy glanced at Logan sideways, smiling awkwardly, “It doesn’t bother you that I don’t know anything?”

 His smile was soft as he focused on their slow paddling, “I assume you were one of the children that was opted out of learning about multiple soulmates.”

 “They didn’t teach us much at all.” Remy snorted.

 The nerd rolled his eyes, “The school system is fucked.” Remy’s eyes widened and a surprised smile spread on his face, “My mom was adamant that she would know it all so that’s what she did. She researched Soulmark psychology.”

 Remy chuckled lightly, “I can’t say I’m surprised you think so.” he relaxed a little, “What does your mother think of it all?”

 Logan smiled, reaching out to glide his hand over the water, “My mom?” he paused for a moment, “She thinks there are flaws. For example, it’s possible for a gay and a straight to glow. For obvious reasons, that won’t work-” Remy smiled as Logan’s other hand moved subtly, eyes off in the distance and a small smile on his lips as he explained, “-But on the other hand, there are soulmates who seem a perfect match.” Remy couldn’t stop the small swell of...whatever it was in his chest as Logan spoke, “There is still trial and error to be had but it can be wonderful.”

 Remy crossed his arms, tipping his head back, “That sounds about right.” he sighed, looking up at the sky from behind his shades. He stole a quick glance at Logan. He seemed ridiculously calm, for someone who had been thrown into soulmate-ship with him...Remy...of all people. “And...what do  _you_  think of soulmates?” he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer, but figured he’d ask. He decided he didn’t want to see whatever expression crossed Logan’s face, “Can’t imagine it’s easy when you’re demi.”

 The smile slipped slightly on Logan’s face, and even though Remy couldn’t see it, he heard it, “I’m not sure...like I’ve said, I’ve only had one person interested see my mark…”Logan blinked hard, eyes on something in the horizon, “I like the idea, even if it would be considerable work for my soulmate.” he turned to Remy, smiling and shrugging, “I guess you can call me a romantic at heart.”

 The idea of Logan being a romantic at heart, soft eyed and doughy...a giggle bubbled out of him, surprising him and he slapped his hand over his mouth. He blushed brightly, taking in a deep breath and swallowing, regaining his composure and pretending it didn’t happen.

 “The nerd is a romantic?” Remy tried to recover, swallowing hard, “Colour me impressed, Bing.”

   “Now  _your_  giggle is adorable.” Logan rolled his eyes and glared fondly at Remy, “Don’t compare me to some... _second rate_ search engine.” he turned his head away with a soft huff, “If I’m going to be one, I’m Google. The absolute elite.”

 Remy tried to ignore the way his blush burned brighter, registering Logan’s joke and he threw his head back, laughing hard, “Was that a joke?” he laughed between his words, “That- Did you-  _Amazing_!”

 Logan laughed himself, letting Remy laugh himself back to quiet and letting the conversation drift for a few moments.

 “You said you’re a bartender?”

 “I am.” he giggled.

 Logan shook his head smiling, “Do you enjoy it?”

 He laughed again, leaning back and relaxing into his seat with smile, “I do...I enjoy the job and the people.” he sighed, smile fading slowly as he stared down at his feet, memories flicking behind his eyes, “I don’t enjoy who I work for…”

 The nerd quirked an eyebrow, “Have disagreements with those above you?”

 Remy sighed, “Something like that.” he shifted awkwardly, quickly changing the subject, “I also work as a bouncer most weekends at a nightclub. Now  _that_  job is a riot!” he laughed.

 

* * *

 

 

 Logan sensed the subject change and something within him told him to get used to that...that his soulmate was not nearly as open as his soulmark’s position suggested. He was glad to see some of the smearing had cleared up, not much, but some, which meant healing was coming soon.

 Still, if he could heal it sooner, he would.

 “You work two jobs?”

 His soulmate nodded slowly, “Kinda have to…” there were a few beats of silence before he sighed, “You don’t wanna hear about that though. You have a job? Or is writing full time?”

 Another quick change in subject and Logan was pretty certain he understood. Remy was going to be hard to get to open up. Strangely enough, Logan seemed to have the patience for Remy.

 “I have a part-time job helping out at the college, but that’s rare.” he smiled gently at Remy, “My writing keeps me pretty comfortable.”

 A small smirk pulled onto his face, “It’s good that you get paid to do something you love.”

 “Well, Remy, what do you love?” he asked, still smiling at Remy.


	4. It’s Totally Not A Date, Prt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Alcohol Mention

There was a moment of quiet, before Remy huffed quietly, “That’s the thing. I have no idea.”

 A small smile pulled onto Logan’s face, “There is no rush. It can take ages to find something you want to do.” Logan’s smile grew a little, “Obviously we know you like drinking, if how hungover you were yesterday is any indication.” A smirk pulled onto Remy’s face in response, “And you seem to enjoy people.”

  A soft chuckle escaped Remy as he looked out to the horizon, water sparkling around them like gems, “The drinking is fun.” Another moment of silence as he scanned the lake, watching joggers and families walk among green trees, “Maybe I do like people...hadn’t considered that.” Remy tilted his head back, staring up at the sky and watching the clouds drift by, his left-hand dipping under the surface of the water.

 Logan’s small smile reappeared, soft and gentle as he watched his ‘soulmate’ relax. His hair danced on the light breeze, shades reflecting light as a small smile was spread on his face, “I don’t drink much.” he answered as tension flooded from Remy’s shoulders, “It tends to make me...well, flirtatious.”

 A bright and bold grin spread on Remy’s face, and as a cloud passed over the sun, he noticed Remy’s eyes were closed behind his shades, “Now that’s tempting, Logan.”

 A soft glare spread on Logan’s face, a smile suddenly spreading on Logan’s face and he flicked water at the other, “You wouldn’t dare!”

* * *

 

 Remy yelped, head snapping upright and turning to Logan. Light danced off the water droplets on his glasses, his expression shocked before turning into another bright, bold grin that was nearly blinding, “Don’t tempt me!” he cried, flicking water back.

 Logan managed to school his expression, scooping water into his hands. Remy cried out, curling up in surprise as Logan dumped it on his head, “You don’t even know what I drink!” he grinned as Remy squeaked with indignation, shaking water out of his hair.

 “Rude!” he squealed, splashing more water at Logan, who tried to defend himself, “I don’t need to! I’ll make you something you like regardless!”

 He couldn’t help the way his own voice rose like Remy’s, “I’m picky! I’d like to see you try, Rem!” he picked up more water, dumping it slowly over Remy’s forehead, the other laughing between splutters of offense, pulling back to pull off his shades.

 His eyes were squeezed tightly closed for a minute, his hair hanging limp and soaked over his face, rivulets of water dancing down his face and neck to his shoulders. Logan’s eyes snapped to Remy’s when he turned with a playful glare, unable to fight the upward twitch of his lip, “Now that’s a challenge!” he grinned, his eyes widening slightly from his glare-squint, the smile slipping slightly, “Did you...just give me a nickname?”

 Logan had to bite his lip to try and swallow back some of the hard laughter that wanted to escape, “That is not a challenge!” his eyes widened as he processed the second half of Remy’s response, blushing slightly, “Maybe…?”

 Even though embarrassment and fear made Logan want to look away, he found that he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure entirely what he was afraid of. Remy rejecting the nickname? Remy laughing at him for trying?

 Instead, he watched as a bright, awe-filled grin spread over Remy’s face, so unbelievably happy and soft, “It is a challenge! And...thanks.” his smile remained as he blushed and ducked his head to avoid Logan’s eyes, “I...like it.”

 He couldn’t help himself. Seeing Remy flustered...made something warm and happy burst into his chest, tossing more water in hopes of relaxing him some. Remy giggled in response, “We should probably head back to my place, you’re soaked.”

 Remy rolled his eyes, grinned back, “Gee, I wonder why?!” he asked as he threw more water at Logan. As their giggles died down, he watched Logan, his hair just as wet as Remy’s, hanging over his face. His smile was so bright and so relaxed...it was a complete change from when they’d met yesterday.

 And he found he liked it. A lot.

 “How can you see right now?” he asked as Logan turned to him, water droplets peppering his face like star-freckles. Remy couldn’t help but giggle.

 “What do you mean?” he asked with a sly smirk, “I see with my eyes, Remy.”

 Remy rolled his own eyes, smirking back and sliding his shades back on, “Your glasses are covered in water. How can you see anything?” he struggled to see through his own waterlogged lenses.

 Logan straightened slightly, his smirk growing, “Because I wear them for aesthetics.” he ran a hand through his hair, pinning the soaked locks out of his eyes, “No prescription. I use contacts.”

 Remy’s mouth dropped open before he smirked, and Logan could see through  the lenses that Remy had narrowed his eyes, “That is deceptive  _and_  clever, gurl!” he laughed, throwing his head back, “Mine, however, are soaked!”

 Logan smiled warmly and shook his head, “I have some cleaner in the car. Sometimes I do wear my actual glasses.” he looked around for a moment, “Shall we head back to the dock?”

 

* * *

 

  Remy warred with himself for a moment. He really needed to see if they were going back to the dock, but was it really worth it to…

 He smirked to himself, pushing his sunglasses back into his hair and trying his best not to squint, “So I’ll never know if they’re real or not?” he teased lightly, grinning as he nodded, “Sounds good to me.”

 “I have a nerd aesthetic to keep up, but my publicist suggested that contacts would be more aesthetically pleasing.” he said with a warm smile as Logan steered the boat toward the dock again.

 “You?” he tilted his head, “Aesthetic?” he chuckled, nudging Logan with his shoulder, “Glasses or no, you  _are_  attractive.” he straightened in his seat again, rubbing an eye absently, “Don’t sell yourself short, honey.”

 A bright blush spread on Logan’s face, his eyes cast down to his feet as they paddled back to shore, “To some perhaps.” he answered softly, “But apparently no glasses is more attractive.”

 

* * *

 

  Logan reached out, squeezing Remy’s thigh quickly before withdrawing his hand. What was it about Remy that made him...want to touch?

 His soulmate damn near jumped out of his skin, before grinning at the brief contact, “Honey, I  _know_  aesthetics.” he threw a playful, sideways glance to Logan, “Both looks work for you. Personally,” he tried to blow a wet piece of hair out of his face and failed, “I like glasses.” he winked with a grin.

 He laughed at the attempt, “T-thank you…” he blushed as they returned to the docks, Remy remaining quiet as Logan anchored the boat and climbed out. He offered his hand as Remy shakily attempted to follow, watching as Remy hesitated but took the offer.

 He felt Remy hop onto the dock beside Logan and brushing the rebellious hair away, “Thanks.”

 Before he’d truly thought of it, Logan’s fingers interlaced with Remy’s, like they’d always done so. It felt more than natural, like this was how they were supposed to be, “You’re welcome.”

 For a moment, Logan wondered if he’d overstepped the boundary, watching Remy tense and look down to their interlaced hands, before a bright blush spread over his face and neck and he squeezed gently, “So, uh,” he cleared his throat, dropping his soaked sunglasses over his eyes, “Where too now?”

 Logan wasn’t entirely sure why he was hiding back behind his shades, but decided not to ask about it. He’d managed to fluster Remy plenty of times already, no need to outright embarrass him.

 Relief flooded him all the same that his impromptu gesture wasn’t rejected and he sighed, “I was thinking my place. We can always return, but we’re soaked.”

 A light chuckle escaped his soulmate, “If you’d like. I walked here.” he added with another laugh and shrug, trying to shake water from his hair and wipe water from the lenses of his glasses. He pouted when both attempts were clearly unsuccessful.

 He couldn’t help the soft smirk that spread on his face as he watched Remy’s attempt at cleaning up. There was a strange feeling in his chest, even as Remy looked like a mess, something that sang of  _future_. Soulmate...felt a little more fitting now.

 “Let’s get dried off and then we can get sushi at the place next to my house.”


	5. Summer Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing, Sex Mention, Food mention

Remy’s eyes widened and he straightened a little, giving up on his glasses. He was just going to have to suffer either way. He hung them from his soaked tanktop, “Sushi?” he smiled before he blinked in surprise, “Wait,  _house_?”

 Logan gently squeezed Remy’s hand, “Yeah, I rent a house in the suburbs. I like the privacy.” he smiled down at Remy, “And I love sushi.”

 Remy looked out the pathway before them, “Those books must be popular.” he laughed nervously, squeezing Logan’s hand back as an afterthought, “Any particular reason you enjoy sushi?”

  _Please change the subject._

* * *

 

 He was tugged to a stop when Logan did, “Remy, don’t be intimidated.” his eyes were soft and concerned, “The house isn’t that big and it’s about the same as renting something in the business district.” he smiled gently, tilting his head to the side, “I just love the taste and texture?”

 He couldn’t help the nervous chuckle that escaped him, “Me? Intimidated? Never!” he swung Logan’s hand with his, “Sushi is nice. And a lot of the decor is to die for!”

 Logan rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say.” he smiled warmly, “It’s a nice, small shop too.” he guided Remy to the parking lot with his car, “I usually walk, but I had a feeling something would happen.”

 He couldn’t help but quirk an eyebrow at Logan, “A feeling?” he teased, releasing Logan’s hand at the last possible moment to wander to the passenger door, “Don’t tell me you also brought  _towels_.”

 Remy almost missed the small grimace on Logan’s face as he climbed into the driver’s side, “I didn’t bring towels. I just knew we’d be paddleboating.”

 A grin spread on his face as Remy climbed in, sighing a little with relief in the darker interior. Logan had his windows pretty darkly tinted. Damn. “So I should note you aren’t  _always_  prepared. Got it.” he winked as he pulled on his seatbelt.

 Logan blushed brightly but his face fell, “If you’re referring to copulation, then you are correct.” he deadpanned.

 Of all the things Remy had expected him to say, that had not been one of them. For a long moment, he just stared at Logan, eyes wide and jaw slack, before a blush started to spread from his cheeks to his nose, ears and neck. For the first time in his life, he didn’t have a way to respond. He hadn’t been embarrassed by sex since...high school.

 He buried his face into his hands, the only sound he was capable of making being a high-pitched whine.

 Logan pulled his eyes from the road for a moment to study Remy’s face, “I see I’ve rendered you speechless. Perhaps it won’t be the last time.”

 Curling over his own thighs, all Remy could manage was a whine of frustration. This was so weird! He hadn’t been this flustered in  _years_. Why now?! Was it...was it because Logan was his soulmate? Or because it sounded weird coming from him?

 Beside him, Logan rolled his eyes, “You alright, Rem? You appear to be uncomfortable. Perhaps inexperienced?”

 Jesus, if Logan could stop with the big words… “I just...wasn’t…” he could feel the heat of his blush on his own hands, “...expecting this from  _you_!” he whined again, “I’m plenty experienced!”

 A soft chuckle interrupted Remy’s thoughts and he felt his blush started to recede a little, “I didn’t think you’d be so easy to fluster. Contrary to my words, I am inexperienced.” Logan sniggered softly, “As inexperienced as they come, I’m afraid.”

 He groaned softly, “I don’t fluster easily!” he threw himself back upright, dropping his hands to his lap, “You flirt like a pro and that’s not fair!” he bit his lip, “I call bullshit!”

 The nerd rolled his eyes, “I just appear to have a talent for it. I assure you, Remy, I have no experience.”

 Silence fell between them as Remy studied Logan’s face, searching for deceit but there was none. Nothing but Logan’s genuine honesty, staring him right in the face. He huffed, sagging back into the seat before he smiled softly, “Ya know, you do flirt really well for someone with no experience.” he glanced sidelong at Logan, his smile turning sly, “I bet the rest will come just as easily.” Logan’s eyebrow twitched, “Pun intended.”

 Without hesitation, Logan flipped him off, “Make another pun, I will kick you out!” he grinned as Remy burst out into wild laughter, blushing slightly and biting his lip.

 “Oh my god!”

 Logan released his lip, smiling warmly as he turned down his street and parked in front of his home, “Ready to head in?”

 Remy smirked and snickered as he climbed out of the car with a nod, calming down as he closed the door. He whistled, “This is a nice place, Lo.” Remy stretched his arms up over his head.

 Logan followed him out of the car, “Thank you.” he locked the car as he wandered around toward Remy, “I enjoy the privacy.” as Remy dropped his hands, Logan caught one and interlaced their fingers together, gently guiding Remy to the door as he sifted through his keys.

 Remy smiled down at their hands and squeezed. He hadn’t expected Logan to want so much contact so soon, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care. It felt...nice. Nicer than anything Remy had ever felt before.

 He had the front door unlocked and open in a matter of seconds, guiding Remy ahead of him and following. Remy wandered in, taking in the home. To his left was the living room, a dark sectional taking up most of the space with the television on his right-hand side.

 The kitchen was a little further ahead, the island separating the areas, clean and pristine. Remy whistled as he looked around, “This is a really nice place, Lo.”

 He felt Logan tug on his hand pulling him toward a hallway on the right, and through a door. Ah, Logan’s bedroom. It appeared that Logan lived fairly sparingly, “You want to shower first or me?”

 Remy snickered, “I’ll go first? I am drenched compared to you!” he squeezed Logan’s hand as he smiled up at him.

 A smile spread in return, “Of course. I’ll put your clothes in the dryer while you shower.” he led Remy toward his dresser, only letting go to open the bottom drawer.

 Remy watched Logan bend, his shirt riding up over his hips and he saw something glow as he did.

 “ _Fuck_.” he whispered.


	6. Sudden Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Anxiety, Panic attack, (our version of) narcolepsy, Intrusive thoughts, Shaking, Panic, Swearing (honestly, Remy swears a lot)

Remy smiled gently as he watched Logan bend over to retrieve something, almost mentally making a comment about Logan’s ass when a flash of white distracted him entirely from his thoughts.

 “ _Fuck_.” he whispered to himself, eyes widening as he saw the white lines of Logan’s soulmark. It looked so soft and delicate on his pale skin, barely visible, stretching across his lower back like a tramp stamp.

 Some of the lines were already turning a verdant, deep green and Remy couldn’t help but stare. A scar cut diagonally across the pale white lines, right over the base of his spine, deep and jagged. Remy’s heart twisted at the sight of it, before his mouth fell slack.

 What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to tell Logan? What would he do?

 A painful memory re-opened a fresh wound and he snapped his mouth shut, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

 What would Logan think if Remy kept this to himself and he found out? What was he supposed to do?!

 Remy’s eyes slid up to Logan’s face as he straightened, eyes still wide, a small pile of clothes gathered in his arms. Something about Remy’s expression set off alarm bells and his face twisted with confusion, moving slowly to set the clothes down on top of the dresser, “Rem? Are you alright?”

 Remy snapped straight, his back rigid and elbows straight as he held Logan’s gaze with his own.  _Crap, Logan’s going to hate me..._ what was he supposed to say?! Logan was demi, right? It was going to upset him. There was no way around that. And Remy knew enough to know that white...he was Logan’s  _only_  soulmate for  _life_. What a fucking disappointment that was going to be... he wasn’t going to want Remy around after this. Surely. There was no way. He ruined everything.

 Logan held a hand out as he slowly stepped forward, “Remy? Look at me.” he kept his voice low and gentle, speaking softly like Remy were some wild animal that would spook, “You’re okay.”

 He wasn’t okay, was he? He was already starting to shake, and he tugged his hands free of his pockets, staring as his hands shook violently. “Oh  _shit_.” he half-whispered, half-whined, “No...no,  _fuck_.”

 What was he supposed to do? He had to say  _something_! What would Logan think...or...do...if he…

 He buried his hands in his hair, tugging slightly as he whined and squeezed his eyes closed. No, no, he couldn’t do that. Not  _now_. He had to say  _something_.  _Anything_.

 Logan stepped a little closer, “Remy?” he watched as Remy curled a little at the sound of his voice, “Focus on your breathing. Keep it even.” he took another cautious step forward, “You’re okay, talk to me.”

 Remy raised his head, still hunched, trying to meet Logan’s eyes, but... _shit no_! His vision was already blurry. He didn’t have a lot of time and he couldn’t fight this off. _Okay, Remy think! As few words as possible. Explain! But...how?_

 How was he supposed to tell Logan what he saw?! Without...without losing him?

 He could...pretend, right? He didn’t see it. Something was wrong with his coffee or-  _something_ , just so he could think of a proper explanation?

 Something cold wrapped around his wrist, gently pulling it from his hair, “Remy,” his eyes flitted around the blurry form of Logan’s face, “Can you talk?” he waited for a response as Remy’s mouth opened, but no sound came, “Tap my hand once for no, twice for yes.”

 Logan’s hand was so  _cold_ , “I’m-” he grimaced at how thick and heavy his tongue felt, “-sorry-” his words slurred, long and weird. If he were drunk it would have been amusing. But this...this was bad. So, so bad.

 A change in pressure on his wrist, Logan squeezing tighter, his eyes full of worry, “You’re sorry for what, Remy?” he stepped closer again, “I’m okay.”

  _No, you’re not! You won’t be!_ He grimaced,  _You wouldn’t think so if you knew!_ He was going to freak out. A stranger saw his mark. He was demi and Logan didn’t even really believe in them, of course, he was going to freak out! _I fucked up, I fucked so bad-_

 The world dipped suddenly, and Remy yelped, Logan’s grip on his wrist helping to keep him on his feet as the familiar spin started, “Fuck, fuck, no, not here...”

 He wanted to explain, his lips and mouth moving too slowly to form words, but there was no way he was going to make it home. Logan wouldn’t understand if Remy just  _left_. It would be over so fast.

 He felt Logan’s hands on his hips, warm and pressure, “How do I help?” he asked, holding Remy close enough so their chests were almost touching, “What do you need?”

 Now that he could answer. Kind of. His eyelids felt so heavy, battling to close. How was Logan so calm? Sure, he sounded worried but not...not panicked.

 Remy grimaced as the world dipped again, his knee buckled slightly but Logan’s grip was sure and firm, tightening a little to help him upright, “I can’t...I just…” his hand clumsily grabbed a handful of his shirt, hoping to hold himself up. The world spun rapidly around him, “I’m sorry…” he whimpered.

 “Remy?” Logan’s grip tightened, “What’s the matter? What do you need?”

 Remy’s knees gave out, colliding painfully with the floor, yelping as he managed to stay upright and felt Logan’s hands on his shoulders. The world slowed a little so he could take in more air, “Long...story…” a weak smile pulled at his face.

 What did he need? To explain. But how? His hands on Logan’s shirt were growing weaker...shit. He wasn’t going to be able to keep this up much longer. He’d hit his limit.

 Logan stared at Remy, the other’s eyelids drooping and he frowned, working his arms under Remy and lifting him to sit on the bed. “Remy, should we go to the hospital?”

 He got a stronger reaction from that, Remy jerking and his eyelids opening for a moment, “No,  _please_ -” he begged softly, his shaking easing for a moment, eyes sliding to try and find Logan’s, “No...hospitals...it..I…”

 Logan slowly sat by Remy’s side, “Okay, okay, no hospitals.” he reassured Remy, eyes scanning over his shaking form. His eyelids kept dropping like a tired toddler, “Are you okay?”

 Remy seemed to relax a little, his head lolling forward, “Kinda…” he sagged against Logan’s side, his head on Logan’s shoulder, “Just...rest…” he whined softly as he fought his eyelids, trying to stay awake, “Pretty…” he murmured, tiredly.

 Logan slipped closer, “Okay, okay, then rest, Remy.” his face twisted with confusion, “What is pretty?”

 He suddenly shifted, “No, can’t-” he fell onto his back on the bed when he tried to get up, staring up at the ceiling, “It was...it’s  _white_ …” Remy’s eyes closed, his entire body going limp and Logan’s breath hitched.

 It was white? Logan looked around his room, almost nothing in this house was white. He could feel his own panic trying to bubble up, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

  _Okay, Remy’s passed out, asleep or-_

 He reached out, feeling for a pulse on his neck, finding it thrumming away. Steady and normal, considering what had just happened. Logan couldn’t help but sigh. _Passed out or asleep. Not dead._ He was still wet…  _Should I change him? Or just wrap him in a blanket?_ Logan winced at the idea of waking up in cold, wet clothes himself...but would he be going too far to change Remy?


	7. Boundaries?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Near nudity, Swearing

Silence fell onto the house as Logan watched Remy for a few moments. He was definitely asleep, face relaxed, an arm bent over his head and chest rising and falling with deep, even breaths. His hair tumbled over his face, shifting with each breath, lips slightly parted as he snored quietly, unaware of Logan watching him.

 Logan sighed as he got to his feet. The way Remy’s soaked tanktop clung to his body had to be illegal, and if he left him like this, his bed would only end up damp too so...he had to strip him down.

 If Remy made a fuss about it, Logan would deal with that later. Right now, he had to be sure Remy was comfortable when he woke up. At the very least.

 He leant over, gingerly taking Remy’s shades. His brow remained relaxed, his dark lashes fanning over his cheekbones as he slept peacefully. Well, if Logan could call it sleep. He wasn’t really sure what it was.  
Logan stepped off the bed, setting them on the bedside table and chewing at his lip. This...was so far out of his comfort zone. And hopefully...hopefully Remy didn’t get too upset about it.

* * *

 

 He steeled himself as he gently peeled the soaked tanktop up Remy’s stomach, his face started to burn bright red as he found more tanned, near perfect skin beneath it. His body rippled from the sensation of air, a soft noise of discomfort escaping Remy, but Logan knew he really couldn’t stop now.

 As gently and slowly as he could, he worked the back of the tank up Remy’s back, before reminding himself to breathe out  _then_ in, and sliding it up over his chest.

 The only hair Logan saw was a faint trail from his belly button to the waistband of his jeans and Logan had to tear his eyes away from it. Remy clearly took fairly good care of himself. He slowly worked the tanktop over Remy’s head and arms, careful not to disturb Remy too much.

 He was terrified of what would happen if Remy woke up halfway through this.

 Safely removed, Logan sighed with relief as he gently let the tanktop fall to the floor. Now the really hard part. It was probably hard enough to get these things on, it was going to be nearly impossible to get them off soaked.

 Still, he wasn’t going to risk Remy getting sick  _or_ being uncomfortable.

 He slowly unbuckled the belt, sliding it from the loops and setting it quietly on top of the soaked tanktop. His lip was starting to sting, with how much he was chewing it, but it was hardly an afterthought as he popped the button on Remy’s jeans and slipped his hands under the waistband.

 Remy made a small noise, shifting as Logan marveled at how warm his soulmate was, forcing himself to focus on pulling the jeans down slowly. This skin was somewhat paler, but not by much, a soft looking pair of black boxers just beneath his jeans. How? Logan had no idea.

 He slid them to Remy’s knees before he felt any give, pausing to gently tug off his sneakers and at each ankle before he could completely slide them free. His phone, wallet and keys made them  _thunk_ onto the floor and Logan shot to his feet, heart racing as he expected Remy to stir.

 But there was hardly even a noise from him.

 He fished out each item, leaving them on the bedside table, before dropping his jeans with his tanktop on the floor.

 He picked up the clothes he’d selected earlier from the top of the dresser, carrying them over and laying them on the mattress beside Remy. It was unfair how at peace he looked, considering how on edge Logan was feeling.

 Surely this wasn’t normal? Falling asleep, or passing out that way? More to the point, it  _certainly_  wasn’t  _normal_  for strangers to have to undress and redress the other.

 He pulled out the loose t-shirt, gently pulling it over Remy’s head and threading his arms through before working it down, blushing slightly at how big the t-shirt actually was on Remy. The sleeves hung down to his elbows for starters, the collar loose around his shoulders and the fabric...well it practically hung down to his mid-thigh. All the same, he took the sweats and slipped them on, gently lifting Remy into his arms and laying his head among the pillows…

 And shit, he had never expected another human in his bed to look and feel so much like home. Remy was tiny in comparison to his pillows, curled up on his side, hair obscuring his face, a hand curled loosely by his face. He sighed in his sleep, shifting a little as Logan stared, silent, feet disappearing into Logan’s sweats.

 He forced himself to swallow, gently draping a blanket over Remy and  _nope_  that didn’t help with the unfamiliar but nice feelings either.

 He had to do something that  _was_  normal...like  _now_.

 He scurried to Remy’s clothes, gathering them up and taking them to his laundry, double-checking that he’d emptied Remy’s pockets before setting them in the dryer. He didn’t bother turning it on yet, since he had his own shower to worry about, striding into the bathroom.

 Alone with his thoughts, warm water washing away all of the embarrassment and weird glowy feelings, his mind wandered back to what Remy had said just before he passed out.  _White...what the hell did he mean by white?_

 

* * *

 

 

_Six hours later…_

 Darkness had eventually faded into dreams and eventually, those too faded into a vague sense of consciousness. He could feel soft fabric under his cheek, humming softly as he nuzzled it. He was warm too, something heavy draped over his body in fresh clothes and he sighed into the fabric. It smelt like...apple and...was that sandalwood?

 He smiled as his mind drifted peacefully to the last thing he remembered. The sun on his face, the glittering water, Logan beaming at him...that gorgeous, full smile as he laughed and water sparkled on his face.

 Remy had met many pretty men, but Logan...he was on a whole different level. He seemed nice too. A little nerdy and definitely not Remy’s usual type. Too professional and stiff at times, like he was trying to close himself away. But he always relaxed again.

 There was something else too, something deeper that kept drawing Remy’s thoughts to him. Something he couldn’t quite make out, just behind the guards in his eyes. Something in his rare hesitations, or the slips of his smiles. He couldn’t quite place it. It made something within him both giddy with joy and protective, wanting nothing more than to latch on and never let go.

 He’d been easily attached in the past. He knew that. There was always something different in someone Remy wanted, to pull open and fix. Worse still if they needed healing or protection. Hell, it was even worse if it was protection from themselves.

 But he’d never felt the desire for something to work as he did just now. The pull at his heart, the desperation in his stomach, something deep,  _deep_  within him yearning for whatever it was Logan had that Remy needed.

 His mark-

 Wait.

  _Shit_


	8. Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mild angst, swearing

Remy’s breath caught in his lungs, feeling the bed shift slightly as someone turned toward him, “Remy?” Logan. It was Logan and he sounded...worried and hesitant.

 He couldn’t help himself, his body stiffened as he remembered.  _Crap_. He’d had an episode.  _And_  in front of Logan. What the hell was he going to think of him now? He already had to admit that he’d seen Logan’s soulmark…

 Oh god, Logan hadn’t even chosen to show it. It was an accident! How was Logan even going to react to that?!

 And worse...his one and  _only_  soulmate had friggin narcolepsy…

 The more reasonable part of his mind spoke up and he realised if he didn’t move or say anything now, he was just going to slip into another episode and that was somehow even  _worse_.

 As Remy tried to crack an eye open, he sighed to himself. He’d been out for a few hours at  _least_.

 The bed shifted again, Logan’s body closer than before and he felt cold fingers interlacing with his, “Hey, Rem.” the voice was soft, low and gentle, “Talk to me.”

* * *

 

 As expected, everything was a blur of colour and his brain was pounding angrily in his skull. His whole body felt heavy and slow, but there was no additional pain, which Remy knew to be a good sign. He hadn’t had an episode and fallen to the floor. At least this time.

 “Hey…” he croaked weakly, trying to swallow but his throat ached and protested, dry and swollen. Geez, he’d freaked out hard, hadn’t he?

 He felt Logan moving, nothing more than a blur of colours before he turned back to Remy, helping him sit up for a moment, “Here, drink this.”

 Remy felt something cool placed into his hands, bringing it to his lips and nearly moaning as he tipped water into his mouth. He drank almost half the bottle, holding it between his hands, feeling them shaking. His hands felt weak and awkward, but they were going to settle in time. Recovery was always easier than fighting the episode off.

 “Thanks.” he managed, croaking slightly and letting his eyes close, the usual burning pain and throbbing pressing behind them but...not as bad as he was used to. Hmm…

 He felt Logan gently take the bottle and shift it back to the nightstand, “You’re welcome.” he answered gently, pulling Remy closer and laying back down, “How are you feeling?”

 Remy hummed, appreciating his solid warmth, “Sore.” he laughed weakly, “Sorry.”

 He felt a smile on his forehead, even as Logan pulled him as close as humanly possible, their chests pressed together, “What happened?”

 He decided to avoid the subject of the soulmark for the time being. If Logan didn’t ask, Remy wasn’t going to tell.

 “Narcolepsy…” he muttered, nuzzling Logan’s chest sleepily, “Had it since I was a kid…”

 Logan’s hand slowly rubbed Remy’s back, muscles uncoiling under the firm movements, “That must be hard...is this normal for you?” he asked gently, “Or only when you panic?”

 He stiffened for a second, before taking a deep breath and letting himself relax, “When I was younger it was random. But…” he sighed and forced his eyes open again, “It tends to be...triggered by stuff…” he tried to study Logan’s face, “Panic is one of them…”

 He felt Logan adding more pressure, melting against it, “I saw you panic, Rem.” he spoke softly, “What happened?”

 Remy’s breath hitched slightly, “I, uh…” he shifted slightly, trying to make out Logan’s face. He could make out the shape of his glasses now at least, “...saw your...mark…”

 He felt Logan stiffen, Remy’s heart starting to race in his chest, throat going dry, “My mark…?” the silence that followed made Remy swallow hard, “Did...did it glow?”

 Remy nodded, dropping his gaze to what he knew was Logan’s chest. He tried to breathe through his nose as he bit his lip. Well, if this ended now...it certainly wouldn’t hurt anywhere near as badly. It would hurt...but maybe this time…

 “It was white?” Logan’s voice interrupted Remy’s thoughts, taking his hand and gently squeezed.

 He let his eyes close, throat tightening as he nodded, “Yeah.” his hand remained loose in Logan’s, afraid to hold on. Or even hope. What kind of person wanted a soulmate with narcolepsy anyway? Who would want  _Remy_? He was...fucked up in so many ways…

 Fuck, he’d seen the mark when Logan wasn’t even ready. Even if Logan could ignore all of his…’ _flaws_ ’...he was still the  _worst_  soulmate.

 There were a few moments of silence, Logan leaning his head against Remy’s. Was he processing what had been said? Or was he thinking of the best way to kick him out?

 “Hey, Rem? Come to the mirror with me? I’d...like to see it glow…”

 Remy’s eyes shot open, “You’re...not mad?” he asked staring at Logan’s chest. It was a little more in focus this time.

 He felt Logan shrug, “It’s not what I would’ve wanted...it  _is_  an intimate spot.”

 He couldn’t help but feel both relief and fresh terror at that, “I’m sorry.” he murmured quietly, “I didn’t mean to.” he added, slowly peeling away, trying to be mindful of his weak and aching body. He managed to lay on his back, swallowing hard and trying to get up onto his elbows, “Let’s...go to the mirror.”

 Logan’s arm wrapped back around him, pulling him back to Logan’s chest, “I’m not angry. I’m just…” he sighed into Remy’s hair, “Usually better at keeping it covered.” He pulled Remy tight against his chest, “Can you even walk?”

 Remy wanted to relax, to enjoy Logan’s closeness, but he couldn’t shake the feeling. The feeling that it was a universal mistake. The lines hadn’t changed colour, the glow had been an accident somehow. Logan was gonna get mad and- shit, this could go so badly…

 “I’m sorry, I just…” he put his hand on Logan’s chest, originally to push away, but he could feel his heart beating, every slow rise, and fall of his breath, “This is all...new,” he added with a nervous smile. He swallowed, “And I can manage. I’ve certainly dealt with worse.”

 Logan’s grip tightened, “I’m not mad...I feel a little exposed and vulnerable but-” he sighed, “I know you weren’t trying to see it.” he smiled, shifting a hand over Remy’s, “Let’s lay here a bit longer then try.”

 Remy took in a slow, deep breath, trying to relax as he sighed it out, “I’m not feeling so confident myself.” he laughed weakly, “I can manage, really, I’ll be fine.” he assured Logan. He really had experienced worse. In fact, he wasn’t sure he could remember a time he’d woken up this well since he’d been seven…

 Logan sighed, “Okay, but slowly…?” he gently eased them both to sit, keeping Remy close.

 He huffed out a laugh, “I don’t do anything slowly.” he teased, fighting the way his head spun and body ached, “Like I said, I’ve done worse...been worse.” he tried to give a reassuring smile as he slowly edged himself to the side of the bed, “We need to do this, for you.”

 He heard Logan moving, standing and quickly moving around to Remy’s side as his head spun. He felt Logan’s fingers intertwine with his, strong arms pulling him up to his feet, “Then you can go slowly for me.”

 He huffed, grumbling playfully as he steadied himself with Logan’s hold, “ _Fine_.” he sighed when the world stopped spinning, “But only cause you took such good care of me.”

 He felt fabric fluttering loosely around him and he frowned somewhat. A small spike of worry tried to wriggle into his mind, but when he realised only the usual pain was there, he brushed it aside. He looked down, finding himself being eaten alive by a huge t-shirt with sweats slipping from his hips, “Well, now that’s not fair.”

 

* * *

 

 Logan blushed as he wrapped his arm around Remy’s waist, trying to banish the thoughts of what was  _under_  those clothes away, “I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable and you passed out before you could shower.” he swallowed, hand resting on his waist and feeling the way Remy’s body shifted and moved, “You have very nice anatomy.” he tried softly, blushing a little more, surprised when Remy blushed and hid his face behind his hair.

 “Now that’s a new one.” he giggled, leaning against Logan, “Also a convenient excuse.” he teased with a wink, shuffling with Logan forward a few steps. Logan took his pace, “You’re also welcome to see more, more often, if you so choose.” he poked his tongue between his teeth as he grinned.

 He felt Remy trying to pick up his pace, keeping his own slow and the arm around his waist keeping him close. Perhaps this was simply how Remy dealt with unpleasant feelings. Flirting to hide his embarrassment…? It wasn’t unheard of exactly.

 Logan opened the door of the closet, facing the mirror on the inside, turning his back to it slowly, “Eventually, I’ll see more.” he smirked down at Remy, “But please remember, I’ve done one thing and it wasn’t you.”

 Slowly, Logan lifted the back of his shirt, watching Remy’s eyes fall back onto the mark.

 

* * *

 

 Just like before, the blurred white lines were nearly invisible against Logan’s pale skin, save for the few lines in the middle that had turned a verdant green. He nearly laughed, understanding the irony of Logan’s mark...a tramp-stamp on the demiromantic demisexual. He stepped closer, an arm gently wrapping around Logan’s waist as it glowed brightly for a moment, before settling to a softer white glow. The scar he’d glimpsed cut right through it, jagged and deep.

 Remy’s heart hurt as he imagined how Logan had managed that particular injury. He wanted to run his fingers over it, to gently soothe the skin like he was still wounded, but kept his hand still.

 “I can always add to that, and make sure  _I’m_  on the list.” he winked with another grin, “Let’s just say, I have a lot of experience.”

 Remy couldn’t help but stare when Logan’s eyes lit up, “You can be on the list eventually,” he managed to answer like he wasn’t watching his soulmark glow white, “But for tonight you stay here.” he dropped his shirt, wrapping his arms around Remy and pulled him against his chest, “I don’t trust you alone right now.”

 He smiled into Logan’s chest, nuzzling as he grumbled playfully, “Now that’s just teasing me.” he wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist, “I promise you, I’ll be fine.” he tipped his head back to meet his amber eyes, “I’m just tired and a little sore. It’ll pass.”

 Logan buried his face in Remy’s shoulder, hold tightening, “No... _please_ …” he whined and Remy’s heart twisted, eyes widening. He sounded so desperate, so  _worried_.

 He smiled and closed his eyes with a small smile, “Okay, but only cause you have such convincing arguments.” he teased slightly, squeezing Logan’s waist to reassure him as much as he could.


	9. Getting to Know You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex Mention, Toxic Relationship

After a short moment of silence, Logan relaxed, arms firm around the pair as he shuffled them back to the bed. He turned them quickly, using his height and weight to spin Remy and fall onto the bed, resting his head on Remy’s chest. It was...awfully intimate, not that Logan found himself minding at that moment. He just needed something close. And this felt right.

A soft chuckle escaped Remy, his chest bouncing Logan’s head, one hand absently rubbing up and down Logan’s back. He nearly shivered at the sparks of sensation it caused, feeling the other tangle into his hair and if he had been tense, he would have melted entirely. “I’m okay, really.” his voice was low and gentle, like soothing a worried parent or child, “I’ve had worse.”

He couldn’t help but sigh into Remy’s chest, “I just got...scared.” He closed his eyes, arms lax by Remy’s sides, “You looked so panicked and terrified...but I couldn’t help.”

* * *

 

He heard the slight change in Remy’s voice, his smirk slipping, “I...didn’t know how to tell you. That I saw the mark.” Logan felt the hand in his hair falter for a split second, “I...was scared.”

Logan released a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding, “I didn’t mean for you to see it. Not this soon. The last person who saw it…” Should he really be divulging this information so soon? “She wasn’t great.”

Remy kept his face turned to the ceiling, “I can see why that would keep you guarded.” he answered, that low and gentle voice returning. It was so strange, hearing such a kind voice from someone who, up until this point, had been loud and sassy, “It...caught me off-guard.” His fingers slowly carded through Logan’s hair, scratching gently at his scalp, “Do you want to talk about her?”

Logan shifted to hide his face in Remy’s chest, “You took it in stride, even if you  _did_ panic and pass out.”

Remy scoffed softly as Logan considered his second question. Was he ready to share this information with Remy? It had been a day...maybe a day and half, considering their meeting, but there was something about Remy he trusted.

And something he didn’t.

He wasn’t sure what they were exactly, and he wasn’t willing to try and untangle those particular thoughts this late at night. But he did know how he felt.

One part of him felt scared, wanting to spill everything to Remy, to seek comfort and safety in this stranger who seemed so willing to give those exact things. And another part of him was defensive, accustomed to fierce independence, more willing to snap and hold his secrets close like a shield.

In the end, he decided to share vague truths. And maybe, in time, if Remy proved to be the same as he had been...he would share more.

“She was an ex, from high school.” he answered quietly, “Only person I was close to, really.” he sighed, “We had very different definitions of ‘dating’.”

Remy’s fingers continued their slow carding, as the hand on his back wrapped protectively around his waist, “What do you mean?” he asked softly.

The protective hold was warm and secure, and Logan smiled as the defensive part of him was silenced for the moment, “She...decided it meant whatever made  _her_ feel good. I...obviously thought differently.” he swallowed hard, “As the romantic, anyway.”

There was a moment of quiet as Remy considered his words, a cord in his throat flexing before his hold tightened slightly. A part of Logan expected to feel frightened by it, trapped even, but something deep inside told him he was being protected. Cared for, even.

“Oh, Lo, I’m sorry.” he murmured quietly, “She didn’t...force you...did she?”

Oh, well that explained the hesitation to ask the question. And Logan very well knew the answer but was he really prepared to answer it so openly? So soon? He wasn’t entirely sure he knew how Remy was even going to respond, let alone if he would  _stay_.

Once more, he chose to be vague, “You could say that.” he shuddered at the flicker of a memory, hoping Remy wouldn’t press further.

He was pleasantly surprised when Remy shifted Logan up, gently pressing Logan’s face into his neck, “That’s...awful, Logan.” he turned his head and nuzzled Logan’s temple. Logan wasn’t sure if he felt disappointment or relief in his chest, “It didn’t end well between you, did it?”

Logan shook his head against Remy’s warm skin, “It pretty much ended as you’d expect.” he murmured.

Again, Remy’s arms tightened, and once more Logan found he didn’t feel trapped or alarmed, but comforted and safe, “She saw the mark, didn’t she?” he whispered, voice low and careful and so  _worried_.

He couldn’t help but borrow closer to this odd...safe feeling, “I told her where it was.” he answered quietly, “She...ripped my shirt off-”

Remy inhaled sharply, and if Logan had a thought to continue, he’d lost it now. When he expected disgust or contempt, he was met with a protective grip, seemingly more from reflex, like Remy could prevent it from happening again.

“Oh my God, Logan.” he felt Remy nuzzle his temple again, “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

He couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face. Calm and safe...feelings he hadn’t even  _considered_  in years. How did one man make him feel this way, when they’d hardly spent twelve hours together?

“It wasn’t a good time.” he answered quietly, “I believe that was after...two years of dating.”

Another sharp inhale, this one sharper than before, “That makes me so mad.” he whispered, burying his face in Logan’s hair. He could feel his warm breath, tickling over his scalp and through his hair as Remy took a slow breath in, his chest expanding before he exhaled slowly.

Logan wriggled, Remy, relaxed his grip to allow him. He braced on his forearms, on each side of Remy’s head, looking down at his soulmate...it was getting harder to convince himself they weren’t...

Those pale green eyes looked up at him, gentle and worried, searching Logan’s face as he searched his before the words tumbled from his lips, “You said you were...experienced.”

Remy blinked out of his thoughts, “I mean, more than the Average Joe.” he answered with a soft smile, “It’s fun and  _should_  feel good for...everyone involved.” There was something hesitant flashing in his eyes, something worried but not for Logan.

Probably something buried as deeply as Logan’s own past.

He felt slight heat rising to his cheeks and Remy’s lips twitched slightly, up into what could have been a smirk, “That is what I’ve been told.” he answered, searching Remy’s eyes before finally gathering the courage to ask with a soft, awkward laugh, “This is...an awkward question but...do you get tested?” he chewed his lip for a moment, “I don’t mean to pry but-”

Something in Remy softened, his expression following, “Often.” his eyes flicked from one of Logan’s to the other, “And I’m safe. As much protection as humanly possible.” Slowly a hand slipped between them, fingers brushing a stray hair from Logan’s eyes and the slight heat on his cheeks returned, “And it is true, that both should enjoy the experience.” There was something so unbelievably tender in Remy’s eyes, so caring and soft...Logan could hardly believe this was the same man he’d met, who responded to everything with snark and sass, “I know it’s hard to believe now, but one day, I’ll show you.” Remy’s lips quirked into a small, gentle smile, “When you’re ready.”

A small smile spread on Logan’s face, “I’m glad you take care of yourself, Rem.” There was something sad that flickered in Remy’s eyes then, so fleeting Logan had barely caught it. “One day…” he sighed softly, “Might be...further than you think.” he added, “You...know that, right?”

Remy smiled gently up at him, “In your time, Lo.” his eyes never left Logan’s as his finger brushed gently down the side of Logan’s face, leaving a trail of sparks and heat from his temple to his jaw, “However long that takes.”

Despite his better judgment, Logan found himself leaning into the soft touch, “How am I falling so fast…?” he whispered, more of a rogue thought escaping his lips than an actual question, before the one he wanted to ask finally left his brain, “You won’t get frustrated?”

Another small smirk and soft blush spread over Remy’s own cheeks, “The feelings mutual.” he murmured softly, the blush silencing most of Logan’s thought as he also became keenly aware of Remy’s hand trailing down his neck to his shoulder, instinctively pulling his arm to his own chest, palm flat on Remy’s. The hand on his waist had slipped to his hip, “And no, Lo, I won’t.” he raised his head, their foreheads pressing together. For a moment, Logan was surprised he hadn’t pulled away in shock or fear, “I...care for you...more than I have for anyone in a long time.” the blush between them got warmer, both of their cheeks gaining more shade,”I want you to be ready and comfortable when the time comes.  _If_  it does.” The hand on his shoulder trailed down to Logan’s other hip, a gentle but reassuring hold.

He didn’t have to stay, and he didn’t have to go. He wasn’t being forced and he wasn’t being pushed away.

A sudden, unbelievable wave of joy washed over Logan and he smiled brightly, moving forward to kiss the tip of Remy’s nose. Surprised, Remy’s head fell back down to the mattress, hair splayed out beneath him, “I-I don’t know why I did that…” Remy’s eyes were wide, blush spreading to his cheeks.

“That was cute…” he muttered quietly.

“I...might be ready eventually, just...be patient?” Logan asked, hoping Remy wouldn’t ask Logan  _why_  he had kissed the tip of his nose.

Remy’s brain lagged a second longer, before snagging on Logan’s question, “I can be patient, Lo, for you.” Logan was pretty sure he could feel Remy’s heart pattering away under his hand, “As long as it takes.”


	10. Impulse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Kissing, Swearing

Quiet had settled over them for a few minutes, Logan’s head tucked under Remy’s chin. His slow, deep breaths ghosted over his soulmark and Remy would have wondered if he’d fallen asleep. If not for the slow circles Logan was drawing over his heart.

“I remember,” Logan’s low voice slipped into the silence, “My mom telling that if a soulmark glowed every time you see it…” he took a deep breath, “It means something more than just soulmates.”

* * *

 

He’d started carding his fingers through Logan’s hair at some point and Remy wasn’t prepared to stop, occasionally taking a few strands and toying with them, his other hand kneading at Logan’s hip, “More than soulmates?” he asked softly, “That sounds both intimidating...and exciting.”

A small noise of content escaped Logan, “It’s more... _intimate_  than that.” he answered softly, “They haven’t figured out what it means exactly, but that it means something...special.” Logan uncurled from under Remy’s chin to place a kiss on his nose.

Remy felt another blush spread, ignoring the thought for a moment that he  _never_  blushed this easily, “That’s…” he exhaled hard, “Is that common?”

Logan braced himself over Remy’s head again, shaking his own. Stray hairs fell over his eyes, “Not usually. Only about one percent of the population.” His other hand slowly pressed flat against his chest, sliding over the contours of his body.

His breath hitched, certain Logan had felt it, “And...you think…?”

Still hovering over Remy, Logan shrugged, “Considering it’s unknown. My mom’s theory is that the consistent glow is an indicator of complementary personalities.” he tried to flick hair from his eyes, “They...even something out. Like...a missing piece of a puzzle.”

Something inside Remy, deep down and hardened from life, wavered, “A missing piece?” he asked, swallowing hard to keep his voice steady. His arm wrapped around Logan’s waist, tight as though he’d somehow disappear, “I mean...does mine do that?” he asked, eyes wide as they watched Logan’s face.

If the other had noticed Remy’s slight nervousness, it didn’t show, nonchalantly wrapping his legs around one of Remy’s and looking to the collarbone. He moved slowly as he peeled the fabric back, the mark reacting to Logan and glowing the deep cobalt blue, “It is still blue.”

Without thought, Logan ran his thumb over the glowing mark, Remy’s breath catching. The slow touch of Logan’s thumb on his mark sent small and big waves of electricity through his body, just under his skin, almost like the mark were hesitant to react itself. Remy wasn’t even sure if it was the mark itself, or the fact it was  _Logan_  touching it.

Remy chuckled, “I can’t really see it, Lo, you’ll-” he huffed, “-have to be more specific.” he smiled warmly.

A bright laugh escaped Logan, his mouth spread into a warm and bright smile, “It still glows, Rem-” that nickname was going to be the death of him, “It’s still blue. I’m glad it’s that colour.”  he chuckled lightly, “If you had purple it would look like you had a hickey-” his eyes slid to something on Remy’s throat, “Looks like you have one anyways.”

A laugh escaped Remy, tension flooding from him as he did so, “Blue is a nice colour. I’ll have to look at it later.” He gently squeezed Logan’s waist, “I do?” he winced, “Damn…”

Logan frowned at him, “That’s...not the reaction I’d expected.” he searched Remy’s face, “We aren’t dating and you’re polyamorous so it’s possible it’ll be a thing regardless-”

Remy shook his head, “Oh, I doubt that.” he answered, reaching up to gently brush hair from Logan’s eyes, “But even so...just in case, would you like to make that a limit? A...boundary?” he nudged Logan with his forehead, “Cause I’m not a fan now but...that might change.”

A soft smile spread on Logan’s face, eyes shining with surprise and joy, “I get a say…?” he whispered softly, searching Remy’s face. He must have found what he wanted, because he leaned forward and rubbed their noses together, “Marking? I...like seeing a part of me on you. Like this…”  he gently stroked the innermost lines of Remy’s mark, “The blue of your mark.”

He couldn’t help but smile back at Logan. What a contrast to when they’d met. His amber eyes had softened the more they spoke, opening him up, his face losing it’s cold emotionless mask and becoming expressive. Soft and warm and just as surprised about it all. Like Remy.

His hair had become a mussed mess, and he’d even selected looser clothes himself, the pair looking more like old friends or domestic boyfriends than...well, fresh soulmates.

“Of course you get a say,” he answered softly, Logan’s eyes flicking to his in surprise again. Was it the tone of his voice? “I want this to work, however long it takes to figure it out.” he kissed the tip of Logan’s nose, “And we can explore anything you want to try. Exploration for its own sake is healthy, I’m not going to expect sex from you for a long time.” he shifted the hand on Logan’s waist, slipping it under his shirt and resting it over his soulmark, “So, Lo, would you like to try that one day? Marking me?”

He saw the flood of red on Logan’s face, before he slipped off his chest onto his side, wriggling himself to his face in Remy’s side. Remy laughed as the hand that had been in his hair rested on his chest, the other on Logan’s waist, “I want this to work too…” Logan’s voice vibrated against Remy’s side, breath warm as it filtered through the fabric, “I’m excited to explore with you.” He felt Logan bury his face deeper into Remy’s ribs and he giggled, flipping on his side, “Maybe…?”

Remy protectively curled around Logan, “In time, when you want to.” he smiled into Logan’s hair, arms wrapping around him, “There is no rush.” he added softly, kissing Logan’s hair.

Logan stiffened and Remy blinked, wondering if he’d done or said something wrong.

Slowly, Logan uncurled, looking up at Remy and he loosened his hold and leaned back, allowing Logan the freedom of movement to do so. He blinked and searched Logan’s face but...well he sure didn’t seem mad.

There was something like curiosity and searing heat in his eyes and Remy wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. Logan’s own eyes were flicking from one of Remy’s to the other and before Remy had managed to open his mouth to apologise Logan beat him to it.

“It seems I can no longer think correctly.”

Remy almost relaxed, smiling at Logan, but his expression didn’t change from the intense study and his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

“You’ve forced my brain to shut down.”

Remy blinked at him, mouth opening to answer when Logan’s eyes flicked down to them.

“The only thing it’s thinking is…”

Logan’s hand caught his cheek and before Remy could process what was happening, Logan’s lips met his, warm and soft and a little chapped but that didn’t even seem to matter. It was hot and desperate, his lips pushing for something, and Remy’s mind clicked into place with a slight jerk as Logan’s lips moved over his own.

He sighed, closing his eyes, pressing his hand over the one on his cheek, slowing the kiss, tangling his legs with Logan’s and pulled him closer. Remy slowed the kiss, Logan’s hand falling from Remy’s cheek to his chest as Remy’s slipped into his hair, massaging his scalp.

Remy was getting pretty convinced he’d died and this was his heaven.


	11. An Important Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex mention, Kissing, Mild Angst, Panic, Anxiety, Trouble Breathing, Sexual Innuendo

  After a few minutes of the slow, gentle kissing, Logan finally managed to restart his brain, pulling away slowly and feeling a blush starting to spread over every inch of his face. His eyes fluttered open, meeting Remy’s brightly shining, surprised but warm eyes. He didn’t seem upset but...a small spike of fear settled in his stomach. What if Remy took that as a sign to do that more?

  “I-” he started, voice cracking and he swallowed as he stared at Remy, who smiled softly with something like understanding, “I didn’t realise I would do that,” he whispered.

  His smile didn’t fade, “I enjoyed it regardless.” the back of his finger brushed over Logan’s cheek, “And I’m not averse to doing it again whenever you’d like.”

* * *

 

  And there Remy went, doing it all over again. Taking Logan’s uncharacteristically hasty and impulsive actions and turning them into an invitation. One he wasn’t pressured to accept.

  He sighed, “I-” he cleared his throat softly, “I want to but I...would like to wait a little longer.” he dropped his eyes from Remy’s, but felt them on his face, “It was an emotional day and I don’t want that to further cloud my judgement.” he wasn’t sure if the explanation was welcome or...if it would be interpreted as the excuse it was, but… “Perhaps I will be able to think more clearly…” an idea came to him, “Tomorrow, after we wake.”

  He wriggled free to shimmy under his covers, peeking at Remy over them playfully. The other grinned and chuckled, following Logan under and settled close, arms between them but foot brushing against Logan’s.

  “Of course, Logan.” Remy lay on his back, turning his head to press a soft kiss to Logan’s forehead, warm and gentle, “It’s...been one hell of a day.”

  A small giggle escaped Logan as he shifted closer, resting on his side as he lay a hand over Remy’s chest and his head over Remy’s soulmark, “Goodnight, Remy, I’m...glad I found you.”

  Strong, warm arms wrapped around Logan again, “I can’t believe this is real, Logan,” Remy whispered into Logan’s hair, pulling him closer, “But I’m glad to be with you.” he kissed his hair and Logan felt something inside him melt again, “Good night.”

* * *

 

**_The next morning: Saturday_ **

  Logan woke slowly, feeling something warm and heavy underneath him, shifting his weight slightly to try and evaluate  _what_ the hell was in his bed. He opened one eye, gasping softly as it all came back to him. Remy was lying on his back, head turned to Logan, sleeping quiet and peaceful with an arm under his waist, curled around to his hip.

  His stomach immediately churned with the realisation of all that had happened the day before. Remy had spent the night.  _In his bed._

  He’d  _almost_  poured out vulnerabilities and fears to him, things he’d never told  _anyone_. He’d let emotion cloud his judgement, and that...that wasn’t something he’d done in  _years_. He hadn’t been able to  _risk it!_

  Remy had seen his mark. The realisation of that alone made his stomach sink deep, but it churned when he remembered the kiss...and they were still  _cuddling_.

  He immediately felt dizzy, his breathing hitching and he swallowed as he tried to focus on it, tapping a steady beat on Remy’s chest, something he hoped he could synchronise his breathing with.

* * *

 

  Remy stirred, feeling something gently tapping on his chest, confused as he tried to rise out of semi-consciousness and took a deep breath. Someone was laying over his shoulder and arm, heavy from sleep but light enough that his arm actually wasn’t even numb. He tried to crack his eyes open, trying to think back to the night before. He hadn’t gone out, right?

  From what he remembered, he’d been at Logan’s. So why was there a weight by his side, tapping on his chest?

  It took way more work that it should have, but he cracked an eye open, focusing his vision on the weight on his chest. Logan was staring down at his finger as it tapped on his chest, steady but he could feel that something was wrong. The part of him he couldn’t understand unwound and relaxed, but he was worried.

  Worried for reasons he was also yet to understand.

  Logan noticed he was awake, tipping his head to meet Remy’s eyes, wide and full of panic. And as they focussed on Remy, his face completely blank, the tapping grew faster.

  Worry and confusion overrode his exhaustion and he frowned, “Lo?” his mouth and throat were dry, his tongue heavy and sticky but...Logan needed him. He looked lost and scared. Slow and gentle, he spread his hand over the small of Logan’s back, knowing he would be over the soulmark, “Logan, are you okay?”

  It was then Remy saw Logan truly focus, blinking quickly as if to clear them. His mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out, locking shut not a second later.

  Remy was pretty certain Logan was panicking. He wasn’t sure what about, but he’d seen this before. His brow still furrowed a little, “Lo, can I hold your hand?” he asked gently, his hand moving to hover over the hand tapping quickly on his chest, “Try to breathe with me.”

  Logan nodded, a frightened, pleading look taking over the panic and Remy gently lowered his hand over Logan’s, stilling the tapping. He smiled reassuringly, squeezing his hand slightly for a moment.

  “Is that better?” he asked gently.

  At last, Logan let out a deep breath and nodded, swallowing hard as Remy took a deep breath of his own, rubbing the small of Logan’s back in small circles.

  “Can you talk?”

  For a few moments, Logan’s eyes were foggy before they focussed again and flicked between Remy’s. He was thinking and Remy tilted his head at Logan, smirking with relief when his lips parted, “Yeah.” Logan’s voice sounded as bad as Remy’s did.

  He couldn’t help but sigh, “Did you have a nightmare?”

  Logan shook his head, “No...I seem to have panicked.”

  Something melted in Remy, his face softening and adding a little more pressure to the hand on his chest, “Do you need anything? Would you like to talk about it?”

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “I’ve never had anyone spend the night so soon after meeting.” He whispered, opening his eyes again, “Or...been so vulnerable. I’m scared.”

  Remy shifted a little closer, pulling Logan flush against his side, “Can I be honest with you?” he whispered, near Logan’s ear.

  Logan nodded, eyes closing, “Please.”

  Remy smiled into Logan’s hair, “I’m scared too. I know nothing of soulmarks and mates, but you do. I never thought I’d ever find mine, and then you literally walked into me.” he chuckled softly, “And the way I feel is...new and scary but at the same time it feels so  _right_  that I want this to work.” he breathed deeply in Logan’s hair, “We can be scared together and work it all out together.” he reached up, carding his fingers through Logan’s hair, “If you want.”

  Logan sighed in relief, sagging against Remy, “I’d like that…” he whispered softly, “Rem…?”

  Remy smiled and let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding and relaxed beneath Logan, “Yeah, Lo?”

  Logan’s eyes closed and Remy nearly frowned before he moved, surging up and their lips met again. Remy squeaked in surprise, unprepared for the hard, desperate kiss he was met with.

  But beneath all the heat, Remy felt it. The message Logan was trying to send. Logan trying to say he felt safe, that he trusted Remy, that words weren’t enough for this message and Remy couldn’t help but chuckle softly.

  Just as he had the night before, he slowly softened their kiss, matching Logan’s movements and slowing him down, softening their touches, sending him a reply Logan wasn’t likely to be expecting. That he was heard and understood, that Remy felt the same. His hand slipped from Logan’s hair to the back of his neck, a gentle hold of security and care, feeling Logan slowly adjusting with Remy, accepting the message.

  But he wasn’t ready to stop it seemed, keeping their contact, keeping it going, even as Remy started to gently massage the muscles on the back of the neck, toying with a few stray locks of hair. He pulled Logan closer, turning onto his side, pressing their chests together.

  He felt Logan sigh into the kiss, relaxing and pulling away, “I-” he swallowed, “I needed that.” he murmured softly and Remy smiled, meeting Logan’s eyes when they flicked up to meet his.

  “Glad I could help.” he murmured back.

  A soft blush rose on Logan’s cheeks, his eyes flicking away, “If you hadn’t slowed me...I fear we’d be in a different position…”

  Remy laughed, throwing his head back, shaking hair free of his eyes, “You’re not ready for that, Lo.” he answered softly, smiling as he looked into Logan’s eyes. They were so vulnerable and afraid, his expression softening in return, “Take it as slow as you want, okay?”

  He nodded slowly, “I am not ready.” it sounded more like he was reminding himself than Remy, “But in that moment, I wanted to give you everything.” he added softly, and all Remy could do was shake his head, kissing the tip of Logan’s nose.

  “You don’t have to give me everything until you are ready.” he followed the freckles on Logan’s face with his eyes, tracing them from one cheekbone to the other with his eyes, “That will just hurt you. And I don’t want that.”

  Logan giggled, realising what Remy was doing and blushing slightly, “I know...I just feel so safe and loved and...my brain jumped to the conclusion that…” he sucked in a deep breath, “That in order to show you I...should give every part of me.”

  Remy shook his head, blushing and kissing from the tip of Logan’s nose up to the space between his brows, “You have all the time in the world to do that.” he whispered, kissing up to the centre of Logan’s forehead and nuzzling his hair, “And I hope I can always make you feel that way.”

  He rolled off Remy, hiding his blush in Remy’s ribs, “I do...it’s just odd because I never thought I’d want to give that part of myself…” he hid his face deeper, “Or feel...safe enough too...” he whispered, barely audible, even to Remy.

  Remy rolled to his side, leaving some space between them, enough for if that was what he wanted. He toyed with some of Logan’s hair, “I didn’t expect you to kiss me last night or have an episode so...I think we’re even.” he chuckled softly.

  Logan shuffled closer, their chests pressed together, “Truth be told, I never thought I’d find my soulmate.”

  Remy grinned, “So we felt the same way.” he leaned down, kissing Logan’s neck gently.

  He could feel the heat from Logan’s blush, and he squirmed a little, “I’m also...surprised. I had expected, perhaps, more than one but...well, I felt that way purely because my mark is so...large.”

  Remy giggled, nuzzling Logan’s neck and grinning, “It is, but…” he leaned up to kiss gently along Logan’s jaw, “Size doesn’t always matter.” he winked with a soft purr.

  Logan let out a shaky breath, “Is this my life now?” he whispered aloud to himself, “My soulmate making innuendos, that may prove to be true?” he smirked as he turned to meet Remy’s eyes, “I’m...well-endowed and with your sex life, is it safe the presume the same?”

  He couldn’t help but snicker in response, “Now I’m not going to reveal my secrets.” he winked, “Gotta give you a reason to keep coming back, right?” he kissed Logan’s temple playfully and giggled.


	12. Falling Out of His Comfort Zone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex Mention, Porn Mention, Insomnia Mention, Vomitting Mention, Panic Mention, Making Out, Swearing

Logan rolled his eyes, hiding his face in Remy’s neck, “Do you really think me so shallow that your penis size or ability would be the only reason I’d keep you around?” he teased. **  
**

He felt Remy jerk a little, “I mean...not shallow but...still…” he said quietly and seemingly shaking it off, clearing his throat as though it may make Logan forget what he’d said, “This is...new and scary. And I don’t...really have anything else to offer you-” Logan pressed a few soft kisses to Remy’s neck and he shivered beneath him, breath catching in his chest, “Logan…”

 He peppered a few more kisses with a smile, “You’re funny, flirtatious, smart…” he trailed up near Remy’s ear, “Willing to learn, etc etc…”

 “Lo…” a soft warning from Remy and Logan felt him swallow, pulling back from Remy’s neck and studying the other.

* * *

 

 It took a few moments, but Remy caught his breath, “I don’t see those things and it’s...strange that you do.” he smiled and rubbed at his neck where Logan had kissed, “My neck is real sensitive, Lo, just...be careful.” A spike of fear shot up Logan’s spine, “I won’t do anything just...be aware of that.”

 Remy smiled but Logan wasn’t exactly sure why, fear making his heart pound in his ears, “I’m sorry…” he whispered, chewing his bottom lip and searching Remy’s face.

 Instead of...whatever it was Logan had expected, Remy shook his head with a chuckle, “Logan, sweetheart, I’m not upset.” his thumb pressed gently under his lip, pulling it from between his teeth, “You can kiss me there, just...be careful, okay?” he grinned, “I like it! I just know I’ll have to...deal with myself, later, is all.” Logan felt a soft kiss pressed to his forehead, “I don’t mind you teasing me. In fact...you can do that more often if you’d like.”

 Hesitantly, he rested his head on Remy’s chest, feeling the slow rise and fall with each breath, “I didn’t realise I was teasing…” he said quietly, “I’m just...feeling confused and overwhelmed.”

 He felt the smile more than he saw it, “I enjoy it, Logan. No harm done.” a hand rested over his head, “Is there any way I can help?”

 Logan couldn’t help but sigh, “I don’t really know what I want.” he said quietly, “I know what my body wants.” he huffed, “But I also know how I’m going to react to that.”

 Remy curled around him, smirking into Logan’s hair, “Well then, I think some breakfast is in order, don’t you?”

 He shifted a little, glancing over his shoulder and glaring at the clock behind him, “Remy…” he turned back to soulmate, “It’s two a.m.”

 Logan had expected some kind of response from Remy. Confusion or panic or something more than an exaggerated blink, “And? It’s breakfast.”

 The deadpan response earned Remy an eye-roll and a few more soft kisses on his neck, “Usually dinner time for me but sure…”

 He felt a frown as muscles shifted, “Dinner at two am?” he leaned back and Logan felt that Remy was trying to catch eye contact, “When do you sleep?”

 He couldn’t help but smile, even as he bristled a little at the question. He trailed gentle kisses to Remy’s jawline, “Eventually…” he answered quietly.

 Logan felt Remy’s frown deepen a little, “Logan…”

 His eyes darted away from Remy’s, pressing more kisses before he leaned back, “Remy.” he challenged.

 There was a moment of quiet as Remy’s pale green eyes studied Logan’s face, his frown deepening a little as he slowly took in the expression on Logan’s face. On the other hand, Logan couldn’t bring himself to look at Remy. It was hard enough admitting to himself that he never got any sleep, and why...he wasn’t quite ready to share that with him yet.

 Remy suddenly took a deep breath, “Okay, Lo, I won’t push.” he felt Remy nuzzle into his hair and he relaxed a little, “But...food sounds good.”

 Hesitant and gentle, he pecked Remy’s lips, “Well, there isn’t much open this late, surely.” he leaned back again, “You’re the city-scene-guy, any ideas?”

 There was a soft laugh from Remy, his face and eyes lighting up, hand ghosting gently down his side to Logan’s hip. He felt his skin flare, goosebumps rising in its wake, “Well, there is a nice pizza place near the park. Looks like crap, decor needs work, but the food is amazing.”

 “I think that can be arranged.” he answered softly, face ablaze as the sensation remained, sparking under his skin, “So, I suppose we have to get dressed.”

 A tiny smirk pulled on Remy’s face and Logan was pretty sure he was starting to learn what that meant. He was distracted, however, when Remy gently squeezed his hip, “Yes, I suppose we do. But…” he grinned up at Logan, “It’s also two a.m and I make more trips into town in my pajamas than I’d care to admit.” he chuckled.

 A soft pur escaped Logan as Remy’s hand relaxed, “Okay, fine.” he sighed with a small smile, “Just know that I don’t condone this.”

 A slight frown pulled onto Remy’s face, a perfect eyebrow arching, “What? The ‘pizza for breakfast’, ‘going out in p.j’s at two a.m’, or ‘being awake this early’?” he squeezed Logan’s hip again, eyes shining with something.

 Another soft pur escaped Logan and he gave a gentle smile to Remy, “P.j’s.” he answered quietly, “Everything else is essentially the six years I spent at college all over again.”

 He grinned at the pur, “I like that noise.” he teased, chuckling, “I am also not surprised you went to college and gave no fucks.” he leaned closer, nuzzling Logan’s neck. Logan felt small jolts of sensation as Remy littered soft kisses over the sensitive skin, and squeezed his hip again.

 He felt his skin burn bright, a breathy pur escaping him, “I was...studying or working.” he answered with a breathy laugh, “There wasn’t time to be...concerned with what...I was eating, as long as-” he swallowed, “-I was eating.”

 Remy pulled away with a soft giggle, “Sounds like 90% of college students.” he grinned brightly, “You are a cat!”

 “Falsehood!” Logan cried blushing brightly, “I am not a cat.” he cleared his throat, “And I have no true sleep schedule…” he couldn’t ignore Remy’s hand still on his hip, “That was a normal noise for anyone in my position…”

 Remy quirked an eyebrow, but seemed to drop the subject of sleep for the time being at least, patting Logan on the head instead. He glared playfully at Remy, “You are a cat.” he answered with certainty, “And falsehood.” Logan’s lip nearly twitched into a smirk, “Purring like that is not common.”

 He couldn’t help himself, he glared Remy, “I am not a cat. I have watched enough amateur porn to know that noise is common enough.”

 He felt Remy holding back a laugh, eyes blowing wide, “Oh, you sweet summer child…” his voice strained before a giggle escaped, “Porn is mostly acting, amateur or not.” His hand ghosted over his side again, “And in the moment, purring is both rare and very hot.”

 Logan blushed brightly and stuck his tongue out at his soulmate, “I mean, yeah but…” the hand on his ribs grazed sensitive skin and he jerked, giggling, “Well, maybe...eventually, you’ll hear me pur for you. One day. All you like.”

* * *

 

 As though Remy were a clock and Logan a wrench, the gears in Remy’s head stopped turning, frozen as he stared at the man beside him. Behind his eyes, all he could see were the possibilities Logan had laid out before him. Nothing more than flashes of things Remy would like to do, of seeing Logan, hearing him-

 Wait, no! Now was not the time!

 “Rude.” he squeaked, hiding his face in the blankets and feeling his blush spread furiously over his face.

 He heard Logan laugh, before a jolt of electricity shot over his skin and down his back from his neck, “I’m not rude,” a breathy whine escaped Remy, “I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t.” he teased, his voice just a touch deeper than usual, nearly a rumble but playful.

 Remy wriggled his hips a little, “That’s not fair!” he whined, wriggling his hips to ease some of the tightness forming in the soft sweats, “You’re playing dirty!”

 A sultry giggle, that was illegal coming from that mouth, escaped Logan as he gripped a fistful of the shirt, “I’m not doing anything, Rem.” his voice another low rumble, more kisses sending explosions of sensation over his skin.

 A whine escaped him, breathless like he’d never been before, his eyes fluttering closed. It had never felt like this before, so heady and alive, fire and lightning dancing under and over his skin, shooting to his spine and straight down to his hips. He was sensitive, yeah, but he’d never been this sensitive.

 His hand absently curled, looking for something to hold onto, finding it in Logan’s ribs, “Lo…” he whined.

 Logan gasped softly, his hands sliding under Remy’s cheek and turning it toward him, before hot lips met Remy’s own, fierce and almost demanding.

 Remy melted, lips parting for Logan, shivering as he see-sawed between melting completely, and throwing Logan onto his back. His body screamed for more, further, trying to drown Remy in hormones and excitement, because Logan was new, Logan was exciting, his heart soaring and skin ablaze in ways it never had been before. And it was so, so tempting to let that guide him.

 But there was still a rational part of his brain, the part that was loud and insistent and for once, Remy was trying to tune into, screaming at him to slow down, _too soon, breathe, he’ll panic._

 He whined softly, arm shifting to wrap tightly around Logan’s back, pressing their chests together. It felt like Logan had been too far away, for far too long, and finally, their hearts and souls had been reunited. And everything would be okay.

 He heard Logan’s soft moan into the kiss, hands tangling into Remy’s hair, a leg hooking over both of Remy’s as Logan tried to pull him closer.

* * *

 

 Logan could hear his brain screaming for more, closer, Remy, as did a...part of his body, but something deep inside him felt...off. He wanted to ignore it, to focus on all the good and amazing sensations from Remy. How every inch of skin Remy touched came alive, burning and buzzing but so softly, as though he were gently filling his world with colour.

 Colour he didn’t know he couldn’t see.

 He craved more, something instinctual crying out for it, but the human part of him nearly shuddered at the thought, skin crawling as he pushed those particular thoughts away and tried to focus on how good Remy felt.

* * *

 

 Remy whimpered softly into Logan’s mouth, drowning in sensation, his body trying to fight the tenuous control Remy had. He wanted to gently push Logan back, remind him of the words he’d already said,  _too soon, not ready._

 It had only been two days. If that. And an unofficial date was not enough!

 But every touch was like it was brand new. So electric and alive, he almost didn’t want it to stop.

 That is, until his hips bucked involuntarily, cock rubbing against the soft sweats and Logan’s thigh. He broke the kiss, pulling back just enough to study Logan’s face, gasping for air as he kept their chests pressed together, legs intertwined.

 He searched for something. What? He had no idea. But he had to look at least. Had to know.

 A soft whine escaped Logan, his eyes pleading and desperate but there was something more there. Fear. And discomfort, hidden away beneath the pleading.

 Remy’s brows furrowed, the rational part of his brain snapping forward and he blinked back his haze, “Lo, I…” he cupped the back of his head and pulled it down to his chest, biting his lip, “I want to give you...what you want,” he nuzzled into Logan’s hair, struggling with the words between pants. It was hard to ignore the friction and pressure of Logan’s thigh, “But, you said before…”

 He felt Logan take a deep breath, “Please…” he whined softly, pulling back to look up at Remy, wriggling so he could wrap his arms around his neck, “I want-” his voice cracked and tapered off.

 Remy’s face twisted with his heart, “I know you do now but…” he closed his eyes and forced himself to take a deep breath in and out. He could do this, he could calm down enough to be rational, “What about later?”

 He swallowed hard and opened his eyes. Oh, good lord above, the pleading look in Logan’s eyes...his cock stirred, already hard in the soft sweats but throbbing for more. He wanted to give him what he was begging for but…

 Logan was already vulnerable. He was already miles out of his comfort zone and still pushing further away. Remy...couldn’t and wouldn’t hurt Logan. Regardless.

 He listened, and there was a moment of quiet as Remy thought, eyes searching each other’s faces. But it felt like it had only been seconds, Logan suddenly moving and Remy yelped as Logan’s lips captured his again in a kiss so hungry and hot, he nearly drowned.

 Logan had used his body weight and momentum to fling Remy onto his back, and in hindsight, that should have frightened him.

 But the kiss was so hungry and needy and hot, Remy’s hands flew to Logan’s shoulders reflexively. There was something tense about Logan that was slowly relaxing and Remy felt his cock twitch eagerly, friction and pressure easing some of the screaming it had been doing.

 He couldn’t help but whine as he squeezed his eyes closed, parting his lips for Logan but cupping his jaw gently. Maybe...maybe this would work a second time.

 Careful, he matched Logan’s pace and depth, before trying to slow it down, guiding Logan a step slower before he whined into Remy’s mouth.

 “Remy…” he pleaded against Remy’s lips, “...please…”

 He whimpered, “Logan, I...fuck…” he took another deep breath, the hand on his shoulder tightening for a moment, “We...you can’t.” he pushed Logan back gently to meet his eyes, practically pleading himself, “You don’t understand how much I want to.” he whispered softly, “But I...can’t do that to you.”

 Finally, Logan took a slow deep breath, and then another and Remy watched the words sink in, relaxing a little under his soulmate.

* * *

 

 Logan watched Remy relax, catching his breath, the haze slipping back far enough. Had he...had he really just tried to jump his soulmate? He didn’t even know his last name and he’d been ready to give him everything.

 Again.

 His body screamed at him that he was ready, but the way his stomach churned told him otherwise. No, no, he wasn’t ready. It had felt good in the moment. It had felt like fucking heaven at the time, his body alive with a thousand sensations.

 But now, in the aftermath of it all, he felt like he was going to be sick. Guilt gnawed at his chest, and nausea bundled in his stomach and made his head swim. This wasn’t worth those few moments of bliss.

 Remy...he’d tried so hard. He’d tried so hard to keep himself under control, even as his body reacted the same. He had tried to stop him, gently and kindly as possible and here he was. Lying under Logan, hair a mess and eyes wide but hazy.

 His chest rose and fell with soft pants, searching Logan’s face, lips parted.

 And even though it should have been a beautiful sight, Logan paled as it dawned on him. How far he’d gone. How far he’d pushed Remy. How close he’d been to hurting himself and by default, Remy in the process.

* * *

 


	13. Teasing and Blushes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex Mention, Horny Ass Boys, Cockblocking (?), Masturbation Mention, Sexual Fantasies, Slight Panic, Vomiting Mention, Kissing, Embarrassment

 Remy watched Logan, his auburn hair a mess, copper eyes wide and panting. He could see the haze starting to fade, the desperation and lust replaced with dawning realisation and horror. Careful and slow, Remy cupped Logan’s cheeks in his hands, thumbs stroking over his cheekbones, “Shh, Lo, shh.” he whispered softly, taking a deep breath of his own and relaxing beneath Logan, “It’s alright, we’re okay.” he said softly.

 His soulmates eyes widened further, thoughts clearly running through his mind too fast to process and he shook his head frantically, “I...we...almost…” he started chewing on his lip, “I don’t even know your last name…” he whispered, voice breaking with panic.

* * *

 

 He wanted to pull his soulmate close, wrap him tight in his arms, and protect him. Shield him with his own body if need be. But from what? His own feelings? And surely being held like that so soon would only terrify him more! Feeling trapped like that.

 He kept his touches gentle, “Hey, shh...it’s alright.” his voice dipped, soft and gentle and warm in ways Remy had never considered himself capable of, “I know you’re scared right now, but we’re okay.” he let tension rush out his own body, watching Logan carefully.

 Normally this position made him feel vulnerable, or outright panic honestly, but this was...different, somehow.

 He slowly moved his hand to brush hair behind Logan’s ear, “And...it’s Anholt.”

 Logan moved, gently pressing his forehead against Remy’s, “Th-thank you…” he whispered, eyes closing as he moved his hand to Remy’s and interlaced their fingers, the other still pressed to his cheek, “M-mine’s Christie…”

 Remy could see that the lust and excitement had departed, and now, the fear and nausea was too. Colour was slowly returning back to Logan’s cheeks, his breathing evening out and Remy smiled to himself. Good, he was calming down.

 He ran his fingers gently through Logan’s hair, working out tangles as he went, “Why are you thanking me?” he laughed softly, “I technically cockblocked you.” he teased, returning his hand to Logan’s cheek and stroking along the cheekbone.

 A small blush spread on Logan’s face, “Because if we’d continued, I’d...be in the bathroom...throwing up.” he answered quietly, eyes dropping to Remy’s chest, “I want it so badly...or at the very least, my body seems to think so but I’m…” he sucked in a shaky breath, “I’m not ready.” he met Remy’s eyes again, “You knew...and respected that.”

 Remy couldn’t help the way his face twisted with concern. He would have felt that badly? Sure, it would have hurt physically, but to hurt so badly emotionally? No. No, Remy could never do that to him.

 He untangled their fingers, holding the back of Logan’s neck and gently massaging, “I want to give you that, one day, when you are.” he pulled Logan down gently, settling him back on his chest, “We’re both...feeling a lot as it is. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

 He let Logan kiss him gently, “One day...one day I want that.” he whispered, eyes searching Remy’s, “Are you okay?” he asked, something flashing in his eyes that Remy hadn’t caught.

 Remy blushed brightly and cleared his throat, eyes darting away with a soft giggle, “I’m very,  _very_  worked up.” he giggled, biting his lip, “But I can handle that on my own.” he met Logan’s eyes with a sheepish grin, “Wouldn’t be the first time and I know it won’t be the last.” he winked playfully.

 A bright blush spread over Logan’s cheeks, “Do you need a moment…? I can find something to do if you like?”

 A giggle escaped Remy, “ _You_ , starlight, are adorable.” he gently kissed the tip of Logan’s nose, “I can take a shower and deal with it then.” he smiled warmly at Logan, soft and fond, “I don’t want you uncomfortable in your own home.”

 The blush got darker, “I’m not uncomfortable. I know that it  _is_  uncomfortable to ignore it though.”He took a deep breath, “So if you need to  _deal_  with it, then do what you need, Rem.”

 Remy’s soft smile turned into a mischievous grin, “Then let me take a shower.” he gently squeezed the back of his neck, “I can’t deal with it while you lie on me...I mean…” his grin widened, “I  _could_.” he teased and winked, “But maybe another time, huh, boo?”

 Now Logan was bright red, eyes wide in surprise, “Remy!” he squeaked, throwing himself off him. He got onto his hands and knees beside Remy, looking more debauched than he had any right too, before crawling back over and leaning over him.

 Remy stared, breathless, eyes caught on Logan’s and wondering what the  _hell_  was happening. Until Logan slowly leaned down, warm lips on Remy’s. It was slow and gentle, more sensual than Remy had ever experienced, and Logan barely pulled back to linger a touch longer, “Something for your shower, Rem.” he said, lips grazing Remy’s as he spoke before he pulled away.

 All he could do was stare after him, words trying to unjumble in his brain, his cock twitching and throbbing painfully in the sweats as he blinked slowly out of the haze he hadn’t expected.

 He was giddy and his heart was flying, staring up at Logan as he smiled softly down at Remy, running fingers calmly through his hair as he knelt calmly beside Remy.

 “Not like I didn’t have plenty already.” the words tumbled from his mouth before he’d even thought of them properly, inhaling deeply, “Also,” he licked his lips, “Rude.”

 Logan pushed Remy, who tumbled loudly to the floor, “Go cum in my shower, Rem.”

 Just as Remy sat up, he saw Logan’s eyes go wide with realisation, cheeks turning a bright shade of red, and Remy’s face spread into a bright, amused smile.

 Despite being so hard it hurt and perfectly sensitive in all the right places, he threw his head back and laughed, hearing Logan dive under the covers. He fell onto his back, laughing so hard it hurt, an arm flying over to cover his eyes as he laughed with such a brightness, he was sure he was actually shining. He was so...enamoured, so amused so...happy. He kept seeing the perfect moment of realisation.

 The moment those copper eyes widened with slight horror. His auburn hair shifting as he jerked almost imperceptibly. His lips parting and cheeks turning red, surrounding his freckles in a blush so bright, Remy was sure he could have felt it if he was close enough.

 After a while, he rolled onto his side, to get to his knees, feeling his painfully hard cock grazing the soft fabric of the sweats as he giggled out the rest of his laughter.

 “You dork.” he giggled, using the bed to get to his feet, “Where’s the bathroom?”

 Logan’s hand appeared from under the covers, pointing to an unopened door beside the closet, “Right there.” he poked his head out, “Just don’t make a mess.” he added dryly.

 Remy rolled his eyes, hands on his hips, “Honey, that’s what I’m good at.” he winked, grinning as he turned to the door, “I’ll be sure to clean up, just for you.” he teased, swaying his hips as he opened the door.

* * *

 

 Logan rolled his eyes, images of a future with Remy flashing behind his eyes, sending his mouth dry as the bathroom door closed. He blinked a few times to try and push them away, his own cock painfully hard and grazing his sweats in ways he really didn’t want to think about, forcing himself out of bed.

 For Remy’s privacy, of course.

 If...Remy’s behaviour was anything to go by, it was incredibly unlikely that Remy was quiet. Or subtle.

 So he wandered toward the study, hoping being on the other side of the house was enough to protect him.

* * *

 

 Remy chuckled softly to himself as he leaned against the closed bathroom door, flicking the light on and almost expecting to flinch from pain, but just like the bedroom, it was dimly lit. He hummed to himself as he mused on that. Was the rest of the house lit this way? He’d thought it was only because it was late and Logan happened to be up that the bedroom had been.

 But now that he’d been in the bathroom, he wondered why it was. Remy knew why he liked it. It was part of the reason he wore shades all the time. But Logan...didn’t seem to have the same problem.

 The rest of the bathroom seemed as Remy expected. Clean, neat, organised. Everything in its designated place.

 He moved a little, turning when he caught his reflection and nearly laughed, smirking to himself instead. His hair was a right mess, long curls crazily mussed around his face. His cheeks were still ruddy, lips swollen and red from Logan’s attack, eyes shining as he took himself in. He laughed at his reflection, his sharp canines shining behind his swollen lips.

 He looked like he’d already boned the author at least once already.

 He would have studied himself further, enjoying more of his own debauched face, but his achingly hard cock stole his attention away and he turned, crossing the room quickly and turning the shower on, enjoying how hot the water got so quickly.

 He stripped, jumping in and relishing the heat of the water on his skin for a few moments. He half-heartedly ran water through his hair as his thoughts strayed to Logan.

 The heat and warmth of Logan’s mouth on his, the slight roughness of Logan’s chapped and chewed lips. The soft way his hair fell when he’d washed all the product out, soft curls slipping into his eyes. The intense gleam of his copper brown eyes, searching and curious and analysing, and the way those same brown eyes softened and cradled and warmed. Remy’s cock twitched eagerly and he hissed in a soft breath.

 How did someone taste so sweet  _and_  heady?

* * *

 

 Logan let out a slow sigh as he sat down at his desk, trying to calm his breathing, hoping that would rid him of the aching throb between his legs. He couldn’t help but be grateful he’d chosen to wear something loose to bed. He couldn’t have possibly known they’d get like  _that_  but knowing he could at least move without a constant distraction was nice.

 He sighed to himself as he rubbed his face and leaned back in his chair. He’d watched porn on occasion, if bringing it up with Remy had been any indication, but this was a whole new experience for him. This was entirely different.

 Watching other people was one thing, but actually feeling it?

 There was a strange craving he’d never had before, wanting to deal with it in a way he never had. He’d been this...worked up before but even then he’d never...actually  _dealt_  with it.

 He knew how, that wasn’t the issue. And it obviously felt  _good_  if Remy was going to do that now, but...actually working up the courage to do it was a completely different issue.

 Well, there was always that one thing he did when he found himself like this. He leaned forward to turn on his desktop computer, sighing as it ran through the usual start-up noises and screens.

 These were works he would never,  _ever_ , share. With anyone. His own published works didn’t even  _hint_  at these things, let alone go in-depth. And here he had a whole folder of different works, mostly ‘one-shots’, all of them filled to the brim with smut.

 Most of them? Self-inserts. Written down fantasies of what he could never accomplish on his own. Some of them were fanfiction, though not many, and most of the supporting characters were made up anyway. No guilt or shame here. Just unabashed smut.

* * *

 

 Remy bit his lip as he remembered Logan’s kisses on his neck, the way his body burned and came alive and screamed for more. The images he’d pushed away from before returned, more alive and real as he let them flood in, the only other thing on his mind was the sound of water hitting tile.

  _They were back in bed, he and Logan, but this time Remy climbed onto him, straddling Logan’s hips. He’d kiss those perfect lips hard, drowning Logan in the feeling Remy had drowned in, bruising the lips he already loved. His hands would wander over his body, trailing the soft fabric of his shirt, the soft skin of his arms and face and his hair, god his hair. So soft, long, perfect for tangling his fingers and pulling, guiding him where he wanted Logan to go. And all he could think about was tipping it back, expose that pale neck, kiss and mark it as **his**.  **Remy’s**._

 His breathing had already picked up, cock twitching and throbbing aggressively in the hot water. He swallowed hard as his mouth went dry.  _Not yet_. He panted to himself in the otherwise quiet bathroom.  _Fuck, not yet. Let me cherish this._

* * *

 

 Logan cracked his knuckles and opened a new document in his...hidden folder. Was it a bad idea to write about Remy and himself? It felt oddly invasive...he’d never written about anyone in his life before.

 Maybe...he could change the names.

 Remy’s new nickname of ‘Rem’ and his narcolepsy...Sleep. Sleep made perfect sense. And if someone ever found this, which he sincerely hoped never happened, no one would be the wiser.

 He tilted his head, letting his eyes close as he felt every movement and touch Remy had left on his body. His fingers found his keyboard as he felt the ghosting fingers on his side, the heat of Remy’s lips on his…

 He didn’t find himself writing about anything too elaborate. He found himself recounting most of what Remy had  _already_  done that felt good. The squeeze on his hip and the way his body wanted to jolt. The hand on his ribs that had tickled, the way Remy’s whole body rippled as Logan kissed his neck.

 Desperately trying to ignore his own body’s eager reaction to his own writing, he continued, throwing himself into it completely, even as he felt ghosts of every touch he wrote.


	14. Exploring Remy's Imagination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Nudity, Sexual Fantasies, Masturbation (Solo Fingering), Denial, Swearing, Bondage Mention, Marking Mention, Slight Voyeurism, Anal Mention

The hot water of the shower did little to dull the sensation of Logan’s hands back on Remy’s hips, the crushing desperation of Logan’s kiss, the heat from each kiss on his neck. He ran his own hand over his chest, imagining it as Logan’s hand, exploring Remy the way he wanted to explore Logan. **  
**

He sighed, biting his lip, imagining the moment he got to strip Logan for the first time. The way Logan’s pale chest would look and feel beneath him, rippling with Logan’s every movement.

 He grunted softly to himself when his cock twitched, frowning as he bit his lip harder, brows furrowing.

* * *

 

 He could see the hipbones he’d already felt beneath the soft fabric, fingers dancing over them just to hear Logan pur again. And fuck, Logan’s hair was a mess, eyes burning, imposter glasses crooked on his nose in a way that was too hot to be legal.

 As he stripped Logan of his pants in his mind, he leaned with his shoulder against the cold tile wall. It was just enough to ground himself...to imagine the way Logan’s briefs or boxers would bulge...if Logan was to be believed about his size.

 The very thought of it made his mouth water and he couldn’t help but gasp softly as he imagined himself peeling those away, ghosting fingers over Logan’s length. Would Logan whine? Moan? Fuck, the boy was probably so sensitive he’d arch off the bed, gripping at the sheets with the filthiest moan, head tipped back and eyes shut.

 Remy gasped softly at the image. Shit. His soulmate was too attractive to be legal, especially in his imagination.

* * *

 

 Logan paused for a moment, leaning back in his chair and smiling to himself. He was pleased with how the scene had played out on his laptop, even if he was now feeling very hot under his collar.

 He saved the document and closed it, locking his computer and wandering into the bedroom, pretty convinced Remy would have finished by now.

 He climbed onto the bed, trying to think about anything but the way his cock had just brushed his sweats, or the scene he’d just written.

* * *

 

 Remy moaned softly, his voice echoing off the tiles around him, no longer able focus on anything but the Logan in his mind. How he’d watch every reaction, to Remy’s hands on his hips and cock and ass. Fuck, he wanted to feel that ass in his hands. He’d suck Logan for a while though, listening to Logan’s breath and sounds as he explored movements, hollowed his cheeks, tightening or relaxing his lips.

 Experimenting with Logan in any and every way.

 He knew Logan would be a mess, sensitive and overwhelmed and desperate but fuck it. This was his imagination. He could do as much as he wanted.

 And he wanted Logan on his stomach, the mark glowing on the small of his back, his pale skin rippling under Remy’s soft touches, each stroke and touch getting firmer, eventually raking his nails down just to hear Logan’s sounds. To see him arching into the sensation, leaving pretty pink lines down his pale skin.

 “ _Fuck_ ,” Remy whispered to himself, wishing he was biting down on Logan’s shoulders or trailing marks down Logan’s spine, leaving pretty little reminders that Remy had been there.

 Remy had to grip his cock then, the pain too much to bear, throbbing too painfully to ignore any longer. The moment he applied pressure he groaned, the sound echoing around the room, and Remy swallowed as he imagined the moment he slid a finger into Logan, the way he’d soothe his soulmate as he adjusted for the first time.

 He’d whisper soft words of praise and soothe him, waiting for him to relax before he started moving his hand, watching him as his breathing hitched. Listening to those pretty noises, the way he’d grip the sheets. He wanted Logan to feel good, to unravel him entirely before helping put him back together again.

 He wanted to find Logan’s perfect spot, teasing and edging him with nothing more than a finger.

 Remy slowly started moving his hand over his own cock, his breathing way too loud as he imagined the way Logan would whine as he pulled his finger free. Oh, but Logan wouldn’t be without Remy long.

 His moan echoed off the walls, so much louder than before as he tightened his hand, mimicking his imagination as he slid into Logan for the first time. Imagining Logan’s shoulders rippling against his chest, whispering soft comforts and praises in his ear, kissing his temple and hair and keeping every touch gentle and soft.

 He would wait until Logan relaxed, his breathing evening out, kissing his shoulder and neck as he slowly started deep, languid thrusts.

 His breath hitched as his hand mimicked his imagination, tight and slow slides of his hand, moaning softly, but too distracted to hear them. All he could hear was the Logan of his imagination, the whines, and gasps and groans...the way his muscles rippled and the mark glowing on his back.

* * *

 

 Sitting on the edge of his bed, Logan glanced up from his phone when he heard noises from the shower that sounded awfully familiar. Foreign in some ways but also...familiar.

 Was Remy hurt? There it was again!

 And that’s when it dawned on Logan.  _Oh_.

 His eyes widened and grip tightened on his phone.  _Oh_.

 He turned his head to the bathroom door, face starting to burn bright red,  _OH_!

 Another moan escaped the bathroom and Logan swallowed thickly as he sighed hard. Those noises were...intoxicating. If Remy made those on his own...and his cock was twitching without his presence...how would it feel when they did...finally have sex?

 No doubt Logan himself wouldn’t last long...hopefully, that didn’t upset Remy.

 He swallowed as he listened to those noises drifting through the bathroom door, mind spinning with possibilities his imagination seemed more than willing to create.

 If he were a lesser man, and not demi in any way, he’d walk in there and beg to watch or participate.  But as it was, he was frozen on the bed, staring at the bathroom door, his mouth dry and face ablaze as those sounds filtered into his ears.

 He put his phone down on the dresser, absently moving his other hand and resting it on his lap, gasping softly at the sensation and relief it provided.

* * *

 

 Remy’s mind didn’t manage to stay on their first time for long, imagining the way Logan would look with his hands tied in a pretty blue ribbon behind his back...or a thick collar around his neck, the leash wrapped around Remy’s hand.

 He couldn’t stop the noises escaping, the floodgates opened as he ventured through various scenarios, things he’d considered in the past. And for the first time, the subject of his desires remained on one person, the same face. Logan’s. Twisted with pleasure, overwhelmed with emotion, eyes wide with desperation or hooded with need...he couldn’t help but imagine it all.

 His hand picked up its pace when his mind settled back on their first time, Remy thrusting into Logan in time with his hand, gasping as the muscles in his back slowly started to tense.

 All he could see and hear was Logan, his long fingers and strong hands gripping handfuls of the sheets, face buried in the mattress, before turning to the side. His swollen red lips open and panting and whispering between moans.

 What would he be saying? Remy wasn’t sure he would even hear it, blood roaring in his ears, muscles rippling with Remy’s marks.

 “Fuck…” he moaned softly, hips bucking into his hand and knees going weak, falling to them for the second time in as many days.

 And just like that, the scene shifted. Logan was over him, eyes possessive and hard and his cock  _right_   _there_  and Remy took all of it into his mouth. His hand now furiously pumped over his cock as he imagined Logan’s hands in hair.

 This...wasn’t something he’d ever considered before without feeling some kind of...vulnerability but with this... _fuck_  it felt good.

 Vaguely, he could hear himself gasping, panting and moaning, echoing off the tiles, his back growing tight as he slowly reached his peak.

 He let his imagination beg to Logan,  _More, fuck me, please-_

 He reached back with his spare hand, pushing a finger inside, dizzying himself with a soft cry as he bucked into his hand and down onto his finger.

 Two bucks and he was spilling, pulling his finger from his ass and curling over, moaning and hissing and swearing as he worked his hand through his orgasm. He whined when it was over, panting harshly, using the wall to sit upright and let the water fall over his face and chest.

* * *

 

 The noises from the bathroom continued to filter through, growing louder and more desperate, and all Logan could do was blush furiously, applying more pressure in hopes of keeping the throbbing at bay.

 He lacked the courage, Logan knew he did, to actually touch himself and  _do something_  about it...but maybe in time. Maybe in time, Remy would show him how good it did feel. How those noises...would come to be.

* * *

 

 After a few moments of afterglow bliss, Remy let his head fall forward again, beaming to himself as he wiped water from his eyes.

  _Fuck_ , when was the last time he’d orgasmed that hard from his imagination alone? His heart was still thundering in his chest, blood rushing in his ears, panting like he’d run a marathon and just as shaky and weak.

 The glow grew brighter, slowly opening his eyes. Yep, he was in the shower, alone but oddly...satisfied. He laughed breathlessly, “Whoa…” he whispered, laughing a little louder as he used the wall to support him.

 His knees wobbled and his thighs trembled as he leaned, reaching to turn the water off. It was cold against the wall, but he was glowing far too brightly to notice.

* * *

 

 Logan heard the water stop but the pressure on his crotch was the only thing keeping him at least  _somewhat_  sane. He bit his lip hard, a moan bubbling up inside him and even though Logan tried desperately to stifle it, it slipped between his lips. And was far  _louder_ than he’d anticipated.

 He squeezed his eyes tightly closed, curling over a little as his face burned bright red. Oh  _lord_ , what the hell was he supposed to do?!

* * *

 

 Stumbling from the shower, he beamed as he took the closest towel and lazily dried off his sensitive skin, wrapping the towel around his hips. He was reaching for a second towel when a loud moan slipped through door, freezing and turning to stare at the piece of wood separating them.

  _Was that...was that **Logan**? Had he heard everything?_ Remy sucked in a shaky breath and let it out slowly,  _That...fuck, was so much better than I’d imagined…_

* * *

 

 A groan escaped him, cock rubbing against the fabric of his sweats, hoping that by applying more pressure he could stave off the unimaginable need he’d trapped himself with. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t deal with this alone but…

 Well, only one way to find out.

 He moaned as he opened his mouth, gasping softly, “Re-Remy…”

* * *

 

 Towel-drying his hair, Remy froze when the moan of his name came through and he stared blankly at the door. Had...had he heard that right? Was that  _Logan_? Why? He thought-

 Wait.

 Remy’s eyes widened and his arm dropped, leaving the towel resting over his shoulder. Was Logan asking..for help?

 He smiled fondly at the thought, moving to the door. Logan had said he was inexperienced but really, this-

 Shit. What if he was wrong?

 He paused on the other side of the door, holding the doorknob loosely in his hand.

 May as well  _ask_.

 “Logan?”  he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, hoping to calm his racing heart and mind, “You okay?”

 A soft plea, almost a whimper, “Help...please...Rem…”


	15. On His Terms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Assisted Masturbation, Swearing, Handjob, Kisses, Biting, Marking

A fond smile slowly spread back over Remy’s face, turning the knob slowly and pulling the door open, “I’m coming out, okay?” he kept his movement slow, in case Logan suddenly changed his mind. “Again.” he snickered softly to himself, enjoying his own joke, one hand gathering an edge of the towel and drying his hair.

 Remy raised his eyes, his heart twisting and melting at the sight of his soulmate...he was sitting on the edge of the bed, legs hanging uselessly off the edge, hands pressing hard down onto his bulging crotch. Logan’s face twisted with frustration and desperation, chewing his lip, swallowing sounds that would no doubt be whimpers.

* * *

 

 “Honey…” Remy murmured softly, slowly stepping toward Logan, “Have you been like this since I left?” he asked softly, concern in his voice and on his face.

 He shook his head, hair falling over his face, “No, I went to write but then...I came back and I...heard you and I was still worked up…” Logan swallowed hard, squeezing his eyes closed, “I don’t know what to...I haven’t done any of this before…”

 Remy swallowed hard at the fear and desperation in Logan’s voice, “I didn’t think you’d return.” he laughed nervously, still approaching slowly, “I’m sorry.” he paused a few steps from the bed, “Can you look up at me?” he asked softly.

 His soulmate shrugged slightly, lifting his chin slightly, looking up at Remy with wide eyes, “Remy...please…”

 If Remy didn’t know Logan better, he would have cooed at him, playing along, gentling him onto the bed and slipping him from his sweats.

 But he did. And he knew that any of Remy’s usual responses would probably scare the poor nerd. He gave him a small, gentle smile, “Shh, honey, no need to beg.” he soothed gently, “Yet.” he couldn’t help but tease, “Just being sure I don’t spook you.” he stepped a little closer, “You want help with that?”

 Logan nodded, “I’ve never…” he trailed off, ducking his chin as his cheeks and ears burned bright red.

 He gently moved to Logan’s side, propping a knee on the bed, “Okay, honey, we’ll take this slow.” he gently brushed his fingers down Logan’s chest, and the other whimpered softly, “Tell me how.”

 He panted softly, “Guide me…?” he asked hesitantly and Remy nodded, pulling the towel off his shoulders and tossing it to the end of the bed, “Would it help if I put more clothes on?”

 He tipped his head again, eyes opening and it was as though Logan hadn’t even noticed the first time, his eyes widening in surprise. His blush deepened and Remy  _knew_  what kind of thoughts were ricocheting in that head of his, but Logan nodded his response.

 Gently, Remy cupped his cheek, “I’ll be right back.” he leaned down and gently kissed Logan, before pulling away and meeting his eyes for a few moments, before retreating quickly to the bathroom.

 He heard the soft whine behind him, like a forlorn puppy left outside in the rain, leaving the door only a little ajar.

 “Ease the pressure,” he gently coached through the door as he ditched the towel and slipped into the soft sweatpants, “It’ll help.”

 He heard a soft moan from Logan as he clearly followed Remy’s instructions, choked off with a small whine.

 “See?” Remy smiled gently as he slipped back out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but the sweats as he approached again. Logan twisted his head to look up at Remy, relaxing from the soft and concerned expression on Remy’s face, the warmth in his eyes, “Can you tell me how it feels?” he asked softly.

 A tight smile pulled onto Logan’s face, “Hurts...throbbing...aches…” he swallowed hard, “Doesn’t feel great, Rem.” he added dryly, biting his lip.

 He couldn’t help but chuckle lightly, at least Logan was able to maintain his dry wit, even when he was so turned on it literally  _hurt_. “Remember, we’ll take this slow, okay?” he climbed onto his knees beside Logan, “You okay with me sitting behind you for this, sweetheart?”

 Logan nodded quickly, “Just please, help…?” he whimpered.

 He carefully shifted himself to sit behind Logan, his thighs spread around his hips, gently resting his chin on his shoulder,  “You want to take your shirt off?” he asked softly, “I’d like you to lean against me.”

 Without a word or hesitation, Logan threw his shirt off, leaning back against Remy’s chest. Gentle and slow, Remy ghosted his fingers down Logan’s chest, eyes observing the hip-bones he wanted to touch, the collarbones he wanted to kiss, chest rising and falling with laboured breaths from the unbearable tent in his pants.

 Remy dragged his fingertips backup Logan’s sternum, hearing the soft hitch of Logan’s breath, tipping his head back against Remy’s shoulder, “I’ve got you, okay? Nice and slow.”

 “I’m nervous…” he whispered, “Please...be patient with me...please go slow…”

 Remy leaned down to press soft kisses along Logan’s shoulder toward his neck, “Anything for you, Lo.” he whispered, “Why don’t you let your cock out, huh?” his voice dropped into a husky whisper, “Lemme see ‘im.” he pressed a soft kiss to the shell of Logan’s ear.

 A loud moan escaped his soulmate as he pushed his boxers and sweats down slightly, face burning red. Remy could feel the heat of it on his neck.

 Remy breathed out hard, swallowing when Logan’s full length stood at attention, “You weren’t kidding, you are big.” he whispered, wanting nothing more than to touch, “Damn, Lo...looks so good.” he turned to mouth around Logan’s ear, “I can’t wait to feel him.”

 The blush got brighter and Logan moaned loudly by his ear, “Rem, please…” he whined desperately, “Help…”

 A soft hum escaped Remy, “I am, I will.” he murmured softly, “How would you like me to help?” he asked as his hand trailed down to Logan’s navel, swirling slowly around it, “Do you want me to touch?”

 A soft jolt of fear, followed by a whimper and Logan shaking his head was all Remy needed to know, “Over my hand, please…”

 Remy nodded back, “Okay baby,” he let the hand trail down to his hip, tracing the hipbone, “Whenever you’re ready, wrap your hand around him. Lemme see how you look.” he couldn’t keep the soft growl out of his voice.

 Logan turned his face to the side, hiding it in the crook of Remy’s neck, moaning softly against the skin. His teeth found Remy’s skin, and he swallowed to keep a jolt of surprise at bay, watching Logan hesitantly move his hand around his cock, holding it gentle and loose.

 He couldn’t help but sharply exhale, biting his lip as he watched Logan wrap around his own cock. It was an angry red, almost aggressively twitching in Logan’s hand and he gently slipped his hand around Logan’s, “A little firmer, honey, just a touch.” he said softly.

* * *

 

 Logan did as he was told, feeling the fire from Remy’s touch. It was so intense, so strong, he doubted he would be able to handle it on his cock. It was so...bizarre. He couldn’t quite...explain the thoughts in his head with the actions he was taking, the memories he’d almost found himself clinging to now…

 But he knew somewhere, deep down, that it was all bullshit. The pain and desire that were mixing in his head made him want to cry, and the only thing that was truly helping, was the bite on Remy’s shoulder.

 He couldn’t help the discomfort with touching himself. His hand felt stiff and awkward, even as new sensations rushed over his skin from his crotch. He had the theory down but in practice...nope. It was gone.

 But Remy...Remy knew what he was doing. How could he  _not_? Logan had heard those sounds and  _fuck_  they were heavenly. Remy  _had_  to know what he was doing to make that kind of sound and...well...Logan felt at least safe.

 He felt a gentle kiss press to his forehead, “Before we go any further, I need you to know. If at any point you want me to stop or let go or leave, I will.” He felt Remy’s fingers graze up his ribs, trying not to giggle at the sensation, “But I’ll stay unless you say so, okay?” The same fingers ran down to Logan’s hip and he had to fight the strange and sudden urge to roll his hips into it.

 Logan forced himself to take a slow, deep breath, letting Remy’s skin go and forcing his eyes to open. He spotted the red mark, grimacing and gently kissing the red mark.

 He turned his eyes on Remy, shining with desperation and lust and hunger, “Please...please, please, stay.” he whimpered out, “I need this...I’ve never touched myself or...or cum like this...please stay.” he felt his eyes stinging, threatening to fill with tears.

 Remy’s face twisted with something, his eyes filling with a fondness and care that Logan...had never seen before. He leaned closer, soft kisses slowly starting on his cheek, “I’m staying.” Remy’s breath was warm on his face as he traced kisses over his cheekbone, “I’m saying if that changes,” his kisses started on the bridge of Logan’s nose, “If you want something to stop,” he continued down to Logan’s other cheekbone, “I’ll stop. If you want me to do something, I will.” he kissed down toward Logan’s lips, “All you have to do is say it.” he whispered, lips meeting Logan’s. They were soft and tender and so gentle…

 He couldn’t help but hum at all the affection, “This is enough…” he swallowed, slightly breathless, “Just please move, Remy.”

 Remy smiled, “We’ll start slow…” he whispered, carefully guiding Logan’s hand slowly down, “Just like this.” he whispered, “Tell me how you feel, honey, talk to me.”

 He couldn’t help but squirm at the weird...friction-y feeling. It was so...bizarre, but a moan pulled from his lips, “It feels...weird…” he swallowed and bit back a groan, “But good…”

 He felt a smile from Remy, his hand gently guided to slide back up and he felt thousands of sensations, “We gotta listen to your body, alright sweetheart?” he felt Remy shifting him slightly, Remy’s voice in his ear. Husky but sweet and gentle, Remy’s forehead to Logan’s temple, “I’ve got you, every step of the way.” he felt a sharp sensation on the shell of his ear, a thousand sparks spreading under his skin and down his neck, his hand moving down at the same time, “You’re doing so well.”

 Logan couldn’t help the way his body shuddered at Remy’s closeness, “I’m...I’m listening, Rem…” another moan slipped free, panting softly, “Rem…” he sounded breathless already, easily following Remy’s guiding hand.

 His back was on  _fire_ , skin-to-skin with Remy’s chest, feeling every calm rise and fall of Remy’s breathing compared to Logan’s shallow breaths. He felt every kiss in small spatters of lightning, every word sent jolts of electricity down his spine. He had no idea what Remy was doing to him but...he liked it.

 Something hot and warm slid up the shell of his ear, shivering from the sensation, letting Remy guide his hand in slow and deliberate stroked, “I’m listening, Lo.” he whispered, the warmth breath spreading over his cheek, “I’m right here.”

* * *

 

 Remy knew this kind of pace would have already sent him absolutely crazy by now. This was just too slow, too gentle. But Logan...god, Logan was all kinds of sensitive. Scared and learning. While Remy…

 Remy had been passed this stage a long time.

* * *

 

 Another tremor rolled up Logan’s spine, “Remy...please.” he whined softly, “I- I don’t know what I need…”

 He couldn’t... _wouldn’t_ lie about this. He really only had theory to go off of, and it had fled him now that he was in the heat of the moment. He hurt so bad, and the movements were just...too slow. Too gentle. He tipped his head back against Remy’s shoulder and whined, long and loud.

 Something about Remy softened, “Shh, baby, I’ve got you.” he said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Logan’s cheek, “Tighten your hand a little, until it feels good.”

 He nodded, turning his face back into Remy’s shoulder, biting down a little and sucking again. A soft hiss escaped Remy, his body arching when Logan’s teeth bit down, a soft and low whined escaping.

 Slowly, he tightened his hand, feeling more sensation around his cock, unable to help himself as he moved his hand a little faster. It was  _more_ and it felt so  _good_  and he wasn’t sure if he was  _supposed_  to but god it just felt so much  _better_.

 Remy’s hand kept up with Logan’s new pace and grip, a reaffirming touch that Logan was doing the right thing, “Good, sweetheart, just like that.” Remy sounded breathless above him, “Fuck, Lo, you look so fucking good.” a soft growl escaped Remy, “Can I see your face? Hear your noises?” this was different...was he doing it right? Firmer kisses were pressed to his temple and his hair, “I want to know how good you feel.”

 He tilted his head up, skin still caught in his teeth, eyes wide as he batted his lashes, long and dark against his pale skin. He squirmed a little so Remy could see him better, a moan escaping into Remy’s skin.

 He heard a soft hiss as Remy inhaled sharply, biting back something as a soft, low growl escaped from deep in Remy’s throat, “Jesus, Lo.” He felt the spare arm wrap protectively around his chest, lips peppering over Logan’s face, “So pretty.” this was softer, a gentle murmur,

 He needed... _more_. He didn’t really have time to think about it, his hips shifting up involuntarily.

 A soft breath escaped Remy, a smile spreading on Remy’s face, “Can go faster or tighter, honey.” He gently kissed his forehead, “I’ve got you.

 Lost in the moment, a little drunk on the sensation and Remy’s closeness and his voice, Logan sucked a little harder, eyes caught on his soulmate. His hand moved on its own, faster, Remy’s hand following his pace. Then there was something there, a tension deep in his lower back and it was growing, tighter and tighter and tighter.

 And Remy’s face shifted through emotions as he did. His pale green eyes searched over Logan’s face, his throat moving with a moan deep in his throat, something possessive and protective flashing in his eyes.

 His hand moved faster still, Remy pulling him closer, that tension growing so tight Logan thought he would snap his spine until something...something started pushing him. Some instinct deep inside him, and he finally released Remy’s skin, crying out loudly.

* * *

 

 Remy recognised the moment Logan’s inhibitions fell away, probably not of his own volition, but he sighed and gently nuzzled his cheek anyway.

 But that cry…

 He pulled his head back, tensing a little as he searched Logan’s face. Was he in pain? Uncomfortable? Did he...need something? Half-formed words and broken syllables were escaping his throat but he couldn’t make out any kind of pattern or reason to it all...

 “It’s okay.” he thought to whisper, pulling Logan close again, “You’re doing so well, so pretty, baby.” It felt right to pepper soft kisses over Logan’s face, “You’re doing great, sweetheart.”

 It was all too familiar when Logan surged up, hot lips catching his in a kiss Remy could only describe as heated and desperate, feeling Logan’s hand stutter as his hips moved instead. The bed rocked with that movement a sharp buck a few more times, before heat poured out over their hands, soft whines and moans and whimpers slipping from between Logan’s still frantic lips.


	16. Afterglow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Kissing, Post-sex, Nudity, Slight Crying

 Remy kissed Logan back, firm but not nearly as fierce, hearing nothing but those delicious noises pouring from Logan. He wanted to hear those sounds forever, to see Logan so free of inhibition like this all the time.

 Carefully, he softened the kiss, slowing it as he slowed his hand, easing Logan to relax as he let his soulmate roll through his first orgasm, the arm on his waist relaxing to a firm hold.

 He hummed into Logan’s mouth, feeling his soulmate following his silent guidance, Logan’s lips pressing more firmly against his. An arm wrapped around his neck, possessive and needy, pulling him down into a deeper kiss. He let his lips part, humming as he gently pulled Logan’s hand from his cock, their hands both covered in quickly cooling cum.

* * *

 

  Remy couldn’t help himself, smiling into the kiss as he held Logan’s hand above the sheets, shifting himself slightly to the side. Even though Logan moved with him, he whined, dragging Remy down to the mattress.

 Remy chuckled softly, pulling back just enough to talk, “Let me clean our hands, honey,” he whispered, their lips grazing as he spoke, breaths warm and intermingling, “Then we can kiss and cuddle all you want.”

 A soft whine escaped Logan, as Remy lowered him to lay on back on the mattress, pulling the towel closer and gently cleaning their hands.

 Remy felt Logan shiver slightly, clearing his throat, “R-Rem…” he croaked softly and Remy glanced up as he finished with the towel, tossing it over the edge of the bed. He wrapped a leg gently around one of Logan’s, hooking a finger under the waistband of his sweats and boxers, keeping eye contact with Logan.

 His eyelids were heavy, dark lashes obscuring those bright amber eyes, still hazy from the experience. “Yes, honey?” Remy asked softly, tugging the sweats back up onto his hips, shifting back up near Logan’s face.

 A soft, tired smile spread on Logan’s face, “You...you did it without me needing to tell you…” that small smile widened and surprisingly strong arms pulled Remy up into another kiss. This one soft and gentle and Remy wasn’t going to deny Logan the kiss he needed but…

 Well, he didn’t understand, “What did I do?” he asked with a soft chuckle, lips so close they brushed, sharing air as he tried to ignore his own body trying to get excited and interested.

 Logan was the goal. The focus. Logan needed this...softness. And although Remy wasn’t used to providing, by god he would.

 “You redressed me…” he murmured, “You knew I’d feel...vulnerable and you redressed me…” both arms wrapped around Remy’s neck this time, body pulled flush against Logan’s, “Thank you,” he whispered, still panting and breathless.

 He relaxed and slid his hands under Logan’s back to hold him just as tightly, “Logan, I-” his throat suddenly felt tight. He soulmate looked so happy, so soft and content, “I want  you to feel safe…” his voice straining as he spoke, “Safe and good and happy and…” he forced himself to pause, to draw in as much air as he could, feeling it shake as he did, “I’m happy you’re happy.”

 Remy felt Logan’s lips against his own, gentle and warm, “I do feel safe…” he whispered, “I trust you.” Remy felt his throat close, “I wanted that and I didn’t know what to do.” Remy swallowed hard as he watched Logan’s face, “I- I never knew that could feel so...good.” a tired smile spread on Logan’s face, “God, Rem…”

 His eyes started to sting, “You trust me?” Remy’s voice cracked, laughing nervously and hiding his face behind his own hair to try and force the strange, overwhelming emotions away.

 It wasn’t like he hadn’t heard that before. People had said it to him and not really meant it, or they’d said it just so Remy would fulfill some kink of theirs...it was no secret Remy slept around but...why did it mean so much coming from Logan?

 He tried to take a deep breath, feeling it shake, “I’m glad it felt good.” he smiled and met Logan’s eyes again, “That makes me...really, really happy.”


	17. A Near Misstep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Kissing, Panic, Eluded to Sexual Abuse, Past Grooming (Abuse), Intrusive Thoughts, Nausea Mention, Crying, Sex Mention, Masturbation Mention, Sexual Innuendo, Food Mention, Eating Mention, Minor Embarrassment, Mild Angst

Logan smiled softly at Remy, those pale green eyes so wide with surprise and warmth...so gentle. Gentler than Logan had expected on that first day they ran into each other...or rather,  _Logan_ ran into him. **  
**

He pulled Remy in for another gentle kiss, “I trust.” he whispered, trailing a hand down Remy’s chest. He swallowed as his stomach immediately twisted into knots about what he was going to do. But he had to.

He knew better than anyone. He tugged gently at the waistband, slipping his fingers under and desperately trying not to think about what he was doing. He had to do this, he-

* * *

 

 “Logan?!” Remy’s surprised cry and slight jerk snapped Logan from his thoughts. And Logan flinched, freezing as a hand wrapped firmly around his wrist and Remy pulled back. Those eyes were now wide and alarmed, worried as they studied Logan’s face, “What-” Remy gasped in a soft breath, “What are you doing?” his tone had dropped from alarm to concern and that made the twisting in his gut worse, his heart wrenching, “Why?”

 A soft whine escaped Logan and he flinched, “I...have to…” Logan answered softly, “You made me feel good so…” Logan leaned up and kissed Remy deeply, desperately trying to ignore the awful twisting in his stomach. As it had back then. He could do it now, right? “That’s how it works…” Logan offered, even as tears welled up in his eyes. His heart was racing when it wasn’t trying to wrench out of his chest. “Please let me…”

_Please stop me._

He had to, right? He had to because-

_But I don’t want to._

He’d focussed on Logan, therefore, he had to-

_Please don’t make me._

It didn’t matter what he wanted, it all came down to-

_Please, stop me._

  There was a soft moment of tenderness, a kiss that Logan hadn’t realised was happening, before Remy pulled back. The hand around his wrist was firm, their eyes meeting and-

  Remy’s eyes were gentle and warm, focussed entirely on Logan, even as he pulled Logan’s hand from his sweats. There was no disappointment, no deceit, just concern, “No, baby-” Logan realised he was talking, “-that’s not how it works.” Remy’s whisper was calm and gentle and warm, his free hand cupping Logan’s cheek as he stared up at him, “I  _wanted_  to focus on you. I don’t want you to force yourself to do things you don’t want to.”

  He wasn’t afraid to admit that he had tears blooming in his eyes and blurring Remy’s face, “You...won’t be upset…?” he squeaked, tears slipping free and clearing his vision as Remy’s face softened.

  Logan could see the pain and concern in Remy’s eyes, his thumb gently stroking Logan’s cheekbone, “Not at all, honey. Orgasms are great.” a soft chuckle escaped, “But not  _the_  most important thing.” Logan felt his lips twisting and wobbling, “There’s so much more to sex than an orgasm.” he whispered, moving closer and gently kissing Logan. Soft and sweet. His hand slid, ear resting in the crook of Remy’s thumb and fingers, “Besides,” he whispered, pulling back just enough to meet Logan’s eyes but staying so close Remy was all he could see, “I can handle myself.” there was the slightest hint of teasing, the corners of his eyes crinkling and the corner of his lip curling up before the serious gentleness returned, “You’re not ready and I respect that.” He moved and Logan closed his eyes as he felt soft kisses litter his cheeks and chin, “There’s no rush for you to get comfortable.”

  A sob nearly pushed free so Logan hid his face in Remy’s chest, “I didn’t want to…” the words fell out before he’d truly considered the consequences...again, shaking his head, “I want to make you feel good and be the cause of those noises but-” an arm wrapped around him, protective, as the other hand slipped into his hair and cupped his head, “I’m not  _ready._ ”

  “Shh,” Remy whispered as Logan shook, desperately trying not to cry, “Shh, we have plenty of time to get to that.” Gently, Remy’s fingers ran through the patch of hair, “You  _never_  have to do  _anything_  you don’t  _want_  to.” he added, and Logan felt him hook his chin over his own head.

  A few moments of quiet fell over them. Remy gently pulling Logan so he could rest on his elbow, keeping Logan held flush against him as Logan tried to calm. To take comfort in Remy’s words because...well, he hadn’t exactly gone back on it, had he? There’d been no screaming, no accusations, no guilt...just...acceptance, and gentle reassurance.

  It took a few moments, but Logan felt he was calm enough to speak, turning his head to the side and taking a few more deep breaths, “O-okay…” he whispered, “Was...helping me okay? Did I do...adequately?”

  Remy chuckled softly, gently slipping a leg between Logan’s, “More than adequately.” he murmured softly, arms tightening once in a squeeze, “I’m so proud of you, Lo.”

  Logan pulled back a little to look up at Remy, “Proud…?” he asked uncertainly, “Hearing you wasn’t...an invasion of privacy?”

  His soulmate nodded once, “Proud.” he confirmed, “And no. I didn’t expect you to be here but...no. You didn’t invade my privacy.” he kissed the top of Logan’s hair gently, “Those don’t end well.”

  He couldn’t help himself. Logan lowered his head and snuggled closer and sighing out, “Are you going to leave…?” he asked softly, chewing on his lip as he stared down at his chest.

  He heard Remy exhale hard, feeling Remy pull him closer, almost instinctively. Was Logan saying something wrong? “I want to stay, if you want me to?” he answered softly, arms still tight around Logan.

  “Please stay…” Logan hated that his voice broke, “I don’t know if I could make it...if you left…?”

  Remy shifted Logan up closer, tucked back under his chin, “I’ll stay, honey, it’s okay.” a soft whisper in his hair, and a slight comfort.

  “I feel...vulnerable.”

  Remy gently settled down onto his side, leg shifting to drape over Logan’s and pull him as close as humanly possible, “I’ve got you, sweetheart.” his soft voice whispered, “You’re safe with me.” Fingers carded through Logan’s hair and he felt some of the coils start to unwind.

  He’d never imagined someone like Remy could be so soft and gentle and understanding. From the time they’d spent together, he’d been abrasive, loud, and  _far_  too flirty. But this was...different. More. This felt like something deeply ingrained in Remy that he’d tried to hide.

  And here Logan was, drinking it all up. Because somehow, he’d gotten behind walls he hadn’t even noticed yet.

  He let out a content sigh as he relaxed in Remy’s arms, “You’re not panicking, right?” Logan wasn’t entirely sure if his panic was the same as it had been yesterday. He’d seen quiet ones before, “I don’t think I’d stay calm if you passed out.” he added with a soft, weak laugh.

  A soft chuckle escaped Remy, “Oh, honey, no.” Remy curled around him, like a protective cat, “You startled me, but I’m okay.”

  He sighed again, the rest of the coils easing in Remy’s arms, “Okay...do you need to... _deal_  with yourself again?” he asked, some of the usual confidence returning to his voice, “I can feel your tension, Rem.”

  Another chuckle, followed by a hard swallow, “I do, but not if you still need me here.” a soft kiss was pressed to Logan’s  temple as Logan’s lips twisted into a frown, “I can wait.”

  Unsure of what else to do and not wanting Remy to see his frown, he snuggled into Remy’s neck and littered it with soft kisses, “Am...am I a tease, Rem?” he asked quietly, voice quivering.

  Another soft chuckle, “In a good way.” he squeezed Logan and pressed more of those soft kisses over his face. Logan would never ever tire of them and it seemed like Remy would never tire of giving them, “You’re not hurting me, frustrating me, or upsetting me.” he nuzzled into Logan’s hair, “Besides, I enjoy denial. Makes it last longer  _and_ ,” he pulled back and Logan met his eyes, spotting the mischievous grin, “Makes the orgasm so much better.” he purred.

  A grin almost spread on Logan’s face, but he moved to kiss Remy instead, something full of more love than he’d imagined he was capable of, “I want that...I want to know that…” he mumbled between his kisses.

  This time, Remy giggled, “In time, honey, I’ll show you everything I know.” A soft kiss to the end of his nose. Logan had expected to hate those, “Rest now, baby, I can’t imagine you have much energy left.”

  Well, there was no denying the truth in that particular statement, “I...I’m so  _tired_.” he answered softly, “You’ll be here when I wake?”

  A smile pulled on Remy’s face, “I’ll duck out to get us pizza once I know you’re out.” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Logan’s temple. Remy never seemed to tire of affection, “I won’t get lost. And I’ll be back before you know it.” he nuzzled behind Logan’s ear and it almost tickled. Well, if Logan weren’t so tired he could barely keep his eyes open, “Mind if I borrow your car?”

  He sighed softly, “Go for it…” he yawned into Remy’s chest, “Just...come back to me?”

* * *

 

  Remy wasn’t sure he could melt much further. With all the quiet signs of Logan’s past relationship, he wanted to protect the poor nerd now more than ever. But these soft little moments…

_‘Come back to me’_

  If this was what falling in love felt like, he didn’t want to stop. Even if he was terrified of hitting the ground again.

  “Always,” he whispered.

  He felt Logan hide his face in his chest again, eyelashes brushing Remy’s bare chest before his body relaxed entirely. He smiled down at the nerd, running his fingers gently through his hair.

  The warmth and love in his chest...he’d felt it before, but never like  _this_. Enamoured was probably a better means to describe how he felt. There was so much...vulnerability and sensitivity in this one human who had managed, at least when they met, to appear strong and stoic and untouchable.

  It was nice. To be fair. That he’d managed to trust Remy this much already. He only wished that would stay.

* * *

 

**Saturday Morning: Approximately 6 a.m.**

  Logan wasn’t able to truly explain why, but he’d always woken up far more alert than was considered the norm. It was something he’d done for years now, since he’d been a teenager, and although Logan certainly had his theories...it wasn’t something he shared with just anyone.

  So slipping out of sleep, groggy and disoriented, wasn’t exactly something he was used to.

  He rolled over, groaning as he felt muscles relax and slowly opened his eyes, vision blurry and sighing to himself. So he was in his room, but when had he fallen asleep? It was early if he’d managed to fall asleep. Wait...wasn’t he supposed to be with someone?

* * *

 

  At the front door, Remy hummed to himself as he happily chewed on bubblegum, trying to get the right key into his hand as he balanced two pizza boxes in his other hand, a plastic bag draped from the same elbow.

  He managed to get the key in and turned, blowing a bubble as he entered, stepping in and trying to pull the key free as the bubble popped. He glanced into the house, having to squint through his shades and smirked when he realised Logan hadn’t woken up while he was gone.

  Or at least, hadn’t left bed.

  He continued to hum to himself as he pulled the key free and blew another bubble, swinging the door closed gently with his foot. The bubble popped as he walked through the living room to the kitchen, putting the plastic bag down on the kitchen bench.

* * *

 

  Groggy and confused, he reached out to the other side of the bed. Remy. That’s who he was looking for. His...his soulmate. Right.

  The bed was cold and Logan frowned, blinked blearily at the empty side of the bed, hair falling haphazardly into his eyes, “Rem?” he called hoarsely, wondering if he’d be heard from somewhere else in the house.

* * *

 

  Remy looked up as his bubble popped, eyebrows rising behind his shades. That  _had_  sounded like a voice. He pushed his shades into his hair and frowned. Logan  _shouldn’t_  have been up already. He’d been exhausted when he left. He’d hoped that the lack of Logan in the living room meant he wasn’t awake yet. He hadn’t been gone that long, had he?

* * *

 

  Logan shifted onto his back and looked around the room. No, he was definitely alone but…

  “Rem?” he called a little louder, voice starting to fill with panic. Had it all been a dream? It was a particularly vivid but cruel dream if it was.

  No, he’d never had dreams that vivid and misleading before. Unless...no, that couldn’t be...

* * *

 

  He heard the soft call that time, recognising the panic in Logan’s voice as he quickly padded to the bedroom door, opening it slowly and poking his head in, “Hey there, Sleeping Beauty.” he blew a bubble and sauntered into the room toward the bed, “I just got back.”

  He watched the worried expression slip away, “Come...” he blushed, hands reaching for Remy and he grinned, chewing at the gum in his mouth.

  Remy giggled as he climbed onto the bed, “Oh I will...later.” he purred and hovered over Logan, both hands on either side of Logan’s head.

  His auburn hair was a haphazard mess, amber eyes shining up at Remy in the dim light of the bedroom. His freckles disappeared as a blush spread on his cheeks and nose, and Remy’s grin widened, “Pizza will get cold, so let’s not stay too long, hmm?”

 “Rem, that’s not fair.” he whined, “It doesn’t take much to work me up and...making jokes about cum and hovering over me like this-” he batted at Remy’s chest, “-is doing nothing for my libido.”

  Remy couldn’t help but grin wider down at Logan, gum between his teeth, “Then you’d better get up.” he purred, pressing a chaste kiss to Logan’s lips, “Fooooooooood awaits!” he sang, taking Logan’s hand in both of his.

  He grumbled softly beneath Remy, “You very well may be the cause of my first heart attack.” he shifted sitting up as he mumbled something to himself.

  That Remy missed because he was giggling and wiggling his hips, “And you may very well be mine.” he teased, slipping out of the bed and pulling Logan with him, “What?”

  As soon as Logan was on his feet, he pulled Remy close and wrapped his arms around Remy’s waist, “I was complaining that my anatomy and hormones seem to be giving my orientation the middle finger.”

  Remy couldn’t help but chuckle, pulling him closer, “Are you saying you’re already turned on?” he couldn’t help but tease gently, softly tsk-ing with a slow head shake, “Your body needs to learn some self-control.” he purred, swaying their hips side-to-side playfully.

  Despite the glare, Logan gave Remy, it seemed he was feeling playful, allowing Remy to rock them, “Rem, that was the first time I’ve ever cum.” He answered, “At least that I’m aware of.” Remy couldn’t help but smile at the return of ‘Mr. Logan’, “Of course I get turned on but I’ve never dealt with it. Watched porn, read things, but never touched.”

  He stopped swaying them, eyebrows shooting up, “Wait, actually?”

* * *

 

  Were they  _really_  having this conversation?

  He could feel his face turning bright red, “Yes, actually, Rem. I’ve never touched, and unless I’ve cum while unconscious, then I never had.”

  He watched Remy, unsure of what kind of response he was expecting. His drew in a slow, deep breath, his eyes wide with awe before he sighed out, “Whoa.” he whispered, “I kinda feel...I dunno...honoured. I’m in awe.” Logan watched the usual smirk return, the tiny curl at the corner of his lips, “Explains the shout.” he half-purred with a small eyebrow wiggle.

  He couldn’t help but roll his eyes and bat at him, “It felt really good! But  you know the body was made for more and can become addicted to these things, especially due to the hormones released,” Remy was staring at him, confused as to where this was leading, “So the fact I’m craving it now while you’re so worked up and absolutely stunning is hardly surprising.”

  Logan actually  _saw_  the moment Remy’s brain stuttered, almost  _hearing_  the error noise as it registered and a surprised noise  _did_  escape Remy as he processed it after a short reboot, “ _I’m_ stunning?” he laughed as he pulled Logan into the living room, “You’re the one who looks thoroughly debauched.”

  “I have  _impeccable_  taste. But Remy...I need you to deal with yourself soon.”

  He chuckled, waving dramatically to the bench and bowing playfully, “You need? Or  _want?_ ” he teased mischievously and opening one of the boxes.

  He rolled his eyes, “Rem, I need you too.” he answered as gently but as seriously as he could, “Or else  _I_  won’t calm down.”

  Remy’s grin died into a smirk as he processed what Logan was saying, “Okay, hun.” it was a warmer smile than Logan had expected, but welcome all the same, “Help yourself while I do that, hm?” he waved to the bag and boxes, “I won’t be long this time.” He winked and leaned up to press a soft, warm kiss to Logan’s cheek before sauntering away.

  And Logan watched every step until he turned into the bedroom.


	18. Crumbling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex Mention, Nausea, Masturbation, Crying, Panic, Swearing, Unworthy, Intrusive Thoughts, Trouble Breathing, Fear, Shaking, Food Mention, Eating Mention

  Logan sighed but smiled, internally hating that Remy had to go deal with it on his own. One of these days, he’d have the confidence and connection he needed to relax enough to do something wonderful with him. One of these days, his stomach wouldn’t churn, his mind wouldn’t race, and his heart wouldn’t wrench at the mere thought of it.

  While it was true that he trusted Remy, there was still that part of him that wanted to hide away. That wanted to pretend it didn’t exist, despite having its fingers in almost every aspect of Logan’s life. Despite being the reason his world was coloured the way it was. 

  He shook his head. One day. One day he’d trust him with that. One day, he’d be able to relax. Today just wasn’t that day.

* * *

 

  He bit his lip, knowing full well that he wanted Remy to explore his body, show him things Logan had never even thought of...show him how  _good_  it was all supposed to feel. And even though he wanted it, his stomach churned at the thought.

   Instead, he decided to sit himself at the kitchen bench, swinging in one of his stools, and sighing to try and push the idle thoughts of Remy away. The last thing either of them needed was Logan getting worked up _with_ Remy’s own arousal. It would just never end.

  It took a few moments, a few deep breaths, and a few mouthfuls from the bottle of water he stole from the plastic bag, but having Remy out of the room was already helping.

  He lowered the bottle of water to the bench, frowning as he looked to the opposite wall. Huh, was he really so attached already? He was an empath and he’d known that for years, but being linked like that to Remy, and _so soon_ , was terrifying.

  He drank another slow mouthful. He didn’t have to tell Remy that just yet. Who knew how he would react to that and Logan wasn’t prepared to  _feel_  all of that yet.

* * *

 

  Remy smirked as he slipped into the bathroom, discarding his gum into the bin and shaking his head to himself. He’d been far more...flirtatious than Logan was probably used to. But he’d hadn’t really been able to stop. There was something so alluring about Logan, that the words just poured from him.

  He grinned to himself as he pulled his shirt up slightly and teased his fingers over his own hip above the waistband of his sweats.

  He couldn’t erase Logan from his mind...the auburn hair haphazardly sticking up and sweeping into his eyes at the same time. His amber eyes glowing warmly down at him, flickering with life and light, even when he tried to pull ‘Mr. Logan’ back out. The small freckles that dotted his face and the poor chapped skin of his lips, those full lips that were still remarkably soft.

  How did one man look so appetizing straight out of bed?

  He licked his lips as he pushed the waistband down and pulled his cock out, wrapping his hand around the half-hard length and leaning his hip against the sink.

  When was the last time he’d had this many orgasms in a day? He smiled to himself, well, this many with the same person. His soulmate, _ha! His_  soulmate! Was irresistible and Remy was starting to see just how _oblivious_ Logan was to that.

  And that didn’t help at all.

 

* * *

 

   Logan huffed a breath to himself. Now he knew some of what he was missing and it was just his luck that he’d have someone so experienced. How unfortunate that Remy’s libido rivaled his own...and Logan couldn’t do anything about it. If he were a more religious man, he would say that having such a beautiful man and no way to please him, was his own personal circle of hell.

  And it was, but Logan wasn’t religious. It was merely a different kind of torture, knowing that he _could_  in theory, but in practice…his body wouldn’t let him.

  Instead, he’d found his own hell on earth, trapped between what he wanted to do, the images and thoughts his mind supplied him with, but unable to act. Because his mind decided that no. No, that wasn’t happening. And if he tried, he’d feel sick.

  He sighed to himself and swirled the water in his bottle around, mind wandering to Remy’s beaming face as he’d hovered over him. But he smiled to himself anyway. He was very lucky to have such a beautiful man as his soulmate. He just wished he was the one doing things to him right now, instead of alone in the kitchen.

  He pouted to himself and closed his eyes, tilting his head backward, hoping that  _soon_ Remy would finish.

  There’s was something about being alone with his thoughts now that was just far too scary. It had never bothered him before, but now it was almost...too quiet in his home.

  Remy somehow offered safety, stability and help when he felt this way, even if his soulmate often seemed...scatterbrained. It was...really nice to have something that made him feel this safe. This happy. Even if that came in the form of Remy Anholt.

* * *

 

   He didn’t bother trying to drag this one out, wanting to rejoin Logan back in the kitchen and eat some of his pizza, fixating on the way Logan had looked in the bed.

  The mess his auburn hair had become, his eyes half-open and hazy, vulnerable and soft in his afterglow that was so beautiful in a way that Remy had always been afraid of.

  He wasn’t afraid of Logan, not directly, but more afraid of losing this before it starts. Of messing up in some way to lose the softness in Logan’s eyes.

  And yet, at the same time, there was something so safe, and steady and genuine about Logan that helped keep that fear at bay.

  That even made these moments, while he stroked his cock and thought about Logan, actually satisfying. And it finally dawned on him just near his peak, hips already stuttering.

  He’d actually  _never_  felt this way before.

  He was thrown over the peak of his orgasm before he had really processed the thought, his other hand flying to his mouth and biting down on his wrist to muffle the cry that escaped him.

   As he eased through his orgasm, hand slowing and pulling a towel down over his mess, his usual afterglow was replaced with a cold, dark hole, opening up wide in his chest. Tears pricked into Remy’s eyes, his throat tightening as he pulled his sweats back on properly and wrapped an arm protectively around his chest.

  He had never...he’d never felt like this before. This was...stability and security and... _shit_  Logan actually cared. And...Remy didn’t really know what to do that. What could he give in return?

  He was sure Logan had heard him. The house was quiet, his neighbourhood was quiet...and Remy was a variable in his usually constant world.

  He bit his wrist harder, ignoring the screaming of his skin and tendons, unprepared for the crushing weight he’d spent so many years successfully ignoring.

  The knowledge that he would never be whole, that he would never be happy or normal, that the pain would never end, because he’d never find his soulmate. That maybe he didn’t have one. Or they wouldn’t want him when they found him. The weight that had crushed him down, until Remy had stopped caring altogether.

  But ha! Fuck you universe! He had _soulmates_! Plural! And goddamn, if that wasn’t exciting!

  And also fucking _terrifying_.

  A soft knock at the door made Remy bite harder, desperately trying to muffle his sobs as tears tumbled down his cheeks and breathing became uneven.

  “Hey, Rem…?”

  He’d wanted this so long. He’d kept it hidden, a secret little desire, so while the world stripped everything else from him, he could at least have  _that_  but now he had it. He actually had it. But...good things never lasted for him…

  So...how long would this last?

* * *

 

  When his soft question was met with nothing but silence, Logan felt the worry grow in his chest, “Remy?” he called gently, opening the door a little and covering his eyes with his other hand, “Babe, you alright?”

  He didn’t really need to ask. He could feel emotions crushing his heart, such deep pain, and sorrow, and fear that Logan  ****wasn’t sure he could breathe. And he wondered how Remy had been able to hide this all this time.

  He heard Remy hit the wall, sliding down to the floor and shuffling. Logan removed his hand and risked a glance when Remy didn’t reply, his heart twisting when he saw his soulmate curled up on the floor in a small ball, knees to his chest, an arm wrapped protectively around them. He was leaning against the wall, back to Logan, quivering but he couldn’t hear his soulmate breathing.

  Logan carefully approached and sat behind him, “Remy, can I touch you?” he asked quietly, “Not..like... _that_...but if I touch you, will you be okay?”

  Remy nodded with a tiny whimper, both arms now wrapped around his knees and hiding his face between them. He was still shaking, barely breathing, but Logan gently pulled Remy closer, a hand on his back.

  The emotions Remy was experiencing were so visceral, they hurt. He tried not to drown in them. If he lost himself to Remy’s emotions, he couldn’t _help_. 

* * *

 

  Remy made himself as small as he could go, shoulders drawing up as he still tried to suppress his tears. What if he did lose this? What would he do? Last time hurt so bad and he’d fallen apart  _twice_  already he…

  It wasn’t even the same then.

  Sure, he’d been attached.  _More_  than attached even. It took a lot to earn that kind of trust from him, but...well, it wasn’t exactly  _difficult_ for  _Remy_  to get attached…

  How much more would this hurt if it...if it all fell apart?

  “I’ve got you, Rem.” Logan’s soft voice, “I’m right here.”

  He curled up tighter, whimpering softly. He wasn’t afraid of Logan, not directly, he knew that. He was afraid of letting him in, deeper than he’d already managed to get. He was afraid of losing this...or was he afraid of losing him? Or losing the shred of hope he had desperately needed?

  He should have seen it happening, should have seen him getting attached. Getting attached made it easier to fuck strangers and not hurt someone but this was...real attachment. Deep, meaningful, genuine caring and love.

  He couldn’t do it again. Not after last time. He wasn’t...he couldn’t...he couldn’t lose Logan too...not like that…

  Remy was barely breathing through his tears, hugging himself tightly as his stomach clenched painfully. Barely anchored by the weight and contact from Logan at his side.

* * *

 

 Logan took a steadying breath as the feelings from Remy intensified, swallowing as he recognised them. He...felt fine, honestly. There was worry for his soulmate but...beyond that, the rest  _had_  to be from Remy. The sorrow, the terror, the anger...that all had to be from Remy. But what was causing all those feelings?

  He’d been fine a moment ago. Smiles and laughter and teasing. Only to crumble into a heap...his working theory that Remy hid his feelings behind the flirting was starting to sound more plausible by the day.

  He gently rubbed small circles between Remy’s shoulder blades, “Hey, Rem.” he felt a small jerk in a muscle, “It’s okay.” he murmured gently, “You’re okay.” he added a little more pressure to the hand, “Try and breathe for me?”

* * *

 

 Someone was talking...when had he started outright crying? He swallowed and whimpered, nose clogged as he felt pressure moving in slow, small circles on his back. Who was that? He wasn’t alone? Hadn’t Logan called to him before?

 Oh, he was still there…

  “S-sor-sorry-” he stumbled over his words, chest heaving now that he was trying to talk, “I’m- hah- I’m s-sorry-” he whimpered, squeezing his eyes closed as fresh pain tore through his chest.

  He was such a mess. Such a fucking mess. And he’d done so well to hide it! One day was all it took to fall apart?! And Logan had seen it! God, what the fuck did Logan see in him? He hadn’t even really noticed the pain, he’d gotten so good at ignoring it and here he was, sobbing on Logan’s fucking bathroom floor like a weak and frightened child!

  What was Logan thinking...trying to be with  _Remy_  of all people? Why did the universe have to give  _Remy_ as his only soulmate? Logan deserved so much better...so much better than  _him_. He was going to think Remy was insane or sick...

  He felt a something cold brush his cheeks, almost shocking him out of his thoughts, “Remy…” Logan’s voice was gentle and kind as ever, “Remy, look at me, sweetheart.” Remy whimpered, “I’m right here. You have nothing to be sorry for, I’m okay.”

  A weak, pitiful laugh escaped him, eyes opening but staying on his lap as the tears fell, “I-I shou-shouldn’t be cr-crying.” he offered quietly.

  He wanted to lean against Logan, he wanted to  _rely_  on someone for once but god...it hurt so bad to  _try._  He was so scared, so scared it would happen all over again...and yet he couldn’t stop imagining it. 

  Logan’s face twisting with disgust, hurtful and angry words shooting from behind his teeth like arrows, barbs catching in Remy’s skin and heart, too painful to remove because...well, they had to be true. He kept seeing Logan pushing him away, or walking away, too disgusted or angry to deal with him.

  But somewhere deep inside, something was telling him that wouldn’t happen. That Logan was safe. Logan was home. Logan was genuine in his care and gentleness. But the fear was louder now.

  It had come true once. Who was to say it wouldn’t again?

  “I...I sh-should be...be happy.” he whined, high-pitched and small, trying to focus on the cold hands on his cheeks, “No one...no one likes Sad Remy...Happy Remy…” he whimpered, curling a little tighter as the sobs got a little stronger, “Everyone likes Happy Remy.” he whimpered into his knees, shaking as he tried to make himself as small as physically possible, “I-I’m s-sorry.”


	19. Reassurance Through Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Intrusive Thoughts, Sex Mention, Vomitting, Fear, Shaking, Crying, Panic, Eating Mention, Guilt, Fear of Loss, Masturbation Mention, Swearing, Kissing

Logan shook his head gently, eyes watching Remy’s face as a pit tried to open in his stomach, offering nothing but guilt. Naturally, his mind supplied him with thoughts as to why.

It was entirely likely, after all, that Logan had pushed Remy too hard too fast.

But thoughts like that weren’t going to help either of them. And Remy needed Logan’s help.

* * *

 

  He relaxed his hand on Remy’s cheeks, “Remy, I don’t care if you are sad.” he kept his voice low and gentle, “Just  _please_  talk to me.” Remy’s brows furrowed, “Don’t push me away.” he raised his eyes to Logan’s, those gentle green eyes now hazy and filled with insurmountable pain, “I want to be here. I want you.” he whispered.

  It was true. He wanted Remy in more ways than one. But sex was hardly even on the agenda. Sure, it was nice and seemed like a good way to have fun, but ultimately...Logan wanted Remy in his life. As a life partner or husband or just as a soulmate, whatever. He wanted him around. Talking with him was better than anything else. He wouldn’t trade it for the world.

* * *

 

 Everything seemed to crash to a halt. Or was it tangling together? It was all too loud, it was all too much, he couldn’t quite begin to untangle his thoughts, let alone hear them.

  But the only thing he knew, that he was absolutely sure of, was that he wanted to be closer. He wanted more. He wanted everything Logan was willing to offer, even if it meant it hurt in the end.

  At least, this time, it felt real.

  And as Remy considered turning to hide his face in Logan’s chest, to search and find the security and safety he so  ****desperately needed, his body rebelled. His stomach flipped aggressively, launching himself to the toilet bowl as his body heaved up bile. Each attempt leaving a soft whimper and coughing in its wake.

  He heard Logan come up behind him, hand rubbing up and down his back, “I’ve got you.” he murmured gently in his ear, “I will keep you safe, Rem, I am just as scared as you feel. But I promise, I will keep your heart safe.” Remy whimpered as he dry-heaved, “If I had to describe it...I’d say your heart is a fossil. Surviving thousands of years, unfound and alone in the earth. And I’m the archeologist who’s uncovered it.” Another dry-heave and soft coughing, “Now it’s my turn to clean it up and keep it safe.” Remy whimpered, his stomach seemingly giving up on the unnecessary emptying, “It’s fragile and unique and beautiful.”

 

* * *

 

  A long, high-pitched whine escaped Remy, his hand shaking as it reached out, grabbing a fistful of Logan’s sweats and holding on so tightly, Logan was pretty sure he would tear the fabric. He rested a hand over it gently, watching Remy’s face as he turned an awful shade of white and started shaking. Just as he had the last time he’d passed out.

  But there was no fear on his face this time. He gripped Logan’s sweats tighter, coughing weakly and gasping in a deep breath of air, “I’m sorry,” he coughed weakly, eyes opening again. Fresh tears dropped from his lashes, trying to spit out into the bowl and Logan reached for a towel to help him clean his face, “Don’t go…” he whispered.

  With his face clean, Logan cupped his cheeks, “I’m not going anywhere.” he whispered firmly. Remy’s cheeks were damp, but his pale green eyes were wide as he clung onto the words Logan was saying, “We may have met a few days ago, but I want you. If you’re going to pass out, that’s okay.” he kissed Remy’s forehead, “I won’t panic and I’ll be right here when you wake up.” Remy blinked slowly and sucked his lower lip between his teeth, “If you like, you can come here, I can hold you.” he continued, “We don’t have to delve into every tragic backstory that got us here. Not today. But another day.” 

 Remy’s eyes filled with new tears, hiccuping on a sob, “I’m not…” he pulled back to cough and spit into the toilet, “I’m not gonna pass out.” he whispered hoarsely.

  Logan opened his arms to Remy, and watched as Remy studied him. At first, his eyes were frightened and suspicious, trying to find something in Logan’s position or eyes, but it slowly melted into a sad kind of acceptance. He moved hesitant and slowly, curling up sideways in Logan’s lap with his ear over Logan’s heart, “You don’t have to hold me.” he whispered, “But can I just…” Logan heard the fresh tears, “Can I just listen?”

  He couldn’t help the way his face softened, arms gently wrapping around the Remy in his lap, “You can listen.” he cooed softly, “I don’t have to hold you, but I am going to.” he added softly, “If you need me to stop, all you have to do is move.  I’m not trapping you, Rem.” he took a slow, deep breath, focussing on his breathing for a few moments, willing his heart-rate to slow down. It would be easier if Remy stayed conscious. And if Logan could manage that, everything would be okay.

  Gently, he kissed Remy’s hair.

 It was still so unusual being so physical with Remy. Even if it was nothing more than cradling him. Logan had spent so many years being touch averse, that being this physical with Remy was still bizarre. It felt so good, to be this close to his soulmate all the time. He felt  _safe_ , not like his skin was trying to crawl off his body.

  If anything, being with Remy made him want more. He wanted to be close, closer even, to the point that he  _needed_  it. Remy was his soulmate, and he wanted to do everything in his power to make his home safe for Remy. And for Remy’s feelings.

  He couldn’t help but hope that one day, Remy would feel comfortable enough to tell him everything. To open up and express his true self, without fear of judgement or backlash.

* * *

 

 “I’m not trapping you, Rem.”

  Logan’s voice had been nothing but gentle and sincere, genuine concern and care in his voice and for the first time in his life, Remy dared to trust him.

  He let his eyes close, trying to focus on Logan’s steady heartbeat, the slow rise and fall of his breaths, trying to match their breathing.

 The doubt and fear kept niggling at him, wanting his attention, screaming at him to _run, fight, get out and never look back, he doesn’t want you-_  

But Logan was steady. Genuine. He didn’t need to be scared right now.

  It felt like an eternity, but had probably only been another ten minutes before he sniffled,  “I’m sorry.” he whispered quietly, trying to wipe his face clear, “It just...hah-” he laughed awkwardly and smiled weakly, “Hit me out of nowhere.” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to pull away or stay, conflicted and confused, but staying felt better than leaving. He remained tense, admittedly, but being in Logan’s arms, felt better than alone, “I’ll be okay though, Logan. You can go eat.”

 He heard Logan sigh, “I am not about to leave my soulmate, who is clearly hurting, on the floor of my bathroom alone.” Logan’s hands moved slowly down his back, an attempt to soothe Remy that worked more than he was willing to admit, but kept his hold loose. Which again, Remy appreciated.

  He curled himself smaller but relaxed a little at the small movements of his hand down and up his spine, “Okay.” he whispered, not entirely sure how else he was supposed to respond to that. Explanations came to mind, things he could do to make it up to Logan, but Logan seemed content just to hold him, “How do you...cope?” he whispered.

  Remy felt Logan gently kiss his forehead, “Cope? Cope with?”

  He sniffled and nuzzled into Logan’s chest, keeping his eyes on the wall, “Feelings.” he whispered, “I want but I don’t...and just…” he forced himself to take a deep breath, “I’m feeling a lot.” he sighed out.

 He heard the smile in his voice, “I hate feelings...especially as an empath.” he felt Logan rest his chin in Remy’s hair, “They scare the shit out of me, figuring out if it’s mine or someone else’s is always the hardest part. I’ve tried pushing them away or bottling them up only to explode…” he sighed, “Obviously none of those worked so...now I talk.”

  A small frown pulled on Remy’s face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt safe enough to talk about his feelings. He relaxed a little more, “Lo?” he bit his lip, “What do you mean by empath?” he paused for a second before clarifying quickly, “What is that?”

  He felt a soft chuckle against his ear, “It means I can feel the emotions of others strongly. For different people, it means different things.” Logan gently squeezed him closer, but loosened his hold again, “If I have a deep emotional  ****connection, I can feel other people’s feelings, like yours, as well as physical things like pain and nausea.”

 His frown deepened and he hid his face in Logan’s chest as guilt twisted his heart, “I’m sorry.” he whispered, feeling the tears try to return, “I’ll...I mean, I’ll try to…” he really didn’t want Logan to know, that the idea of Logan feeling what Remy did...scared and hurt him. It hurt Remy enough as it was, he didn't want Logan experiencing the same pain, “I’ll keep them...to...myself…”

  Logan laughed softly, “Remy…you’re going to feel them no matter what. I’ve gotten used to this.” he kissed Remy’s hair again, “I can usually decipher the difference between my own and someone else’s. And you are one of a few I can feel…” Logan’s voice dropped a little, still gentle and caring but more serious, “Don’t bottle them up, Rem. It’ll just hurt. I won’t force you to talk about them but I do want you to at least acknowledge them.”

  It took a few moments for the words to sink in, and little by little as they did, something in his chest eased. He wasn’t sure if it was the fear, the doubt, or even the self-loathing but it was something, “Lo...I...want to…” he kept his eyes on the wall, “I’m just...heh...a little scared to…” he moved as close as he could to Logan, “ _Because_  I want to…” a weak and nervous chuckle escaped him, “It just keeps...looping...ya know? And I know I should break it...because I’m just gonna-” his voice cracked and broke, closing his eyes and forcing himself to take a deep breath.

 He felt a slow, soft kiss to his forehead, “Try in your own time.” He whispered, “Don’t force it because you feel obligated? I don’t need an explanation.” he added, gently playing with Remy’s hair, “I want you to tell me when you feel comfortable and safe to.”

 Remy whined, unsure of  _what_  he was feeling but it bubbled out of him, “I don’t know if I will!” he shrank a little from his own outburst, “That’s...that’s the problem, it’s...I don’t…” he hid his face in Logan’s chest, “I want to because I might not ever feel…” he had too many thoughts trying to jumble together and he groaned softly into Logan’s chest.

 He felt the hand in his hair freeze, “You don’t have to ever. I won’t judge you. I want to learn everything about you Rem, and I want to know it when  _you_  want to share it.” Logan’s fingers toyed with a small lock, “I care a lot about you...it is very rare that I experience romantic attraction and until I learned I was demiromantic, I thought having a soulmate and meeting them would be the worst thing.” he heard a sad note take over Logan’s voice, “If I couldn’t love them, then what was the point…”

 Remy quickly wrapped both of his arms around Logan’s waist, “I want you...and I’m scared to trust you, but I want to-” he whimpered, “I don’t want it...to be some...cruel mistake or some joke…” he swallowed a small whine, “I don’t want you to just leave me or...kick me out...cause…” the true thought was there, the one he could never  _ever_ vocalise or admit and he pulled his head back to meet Logan’s eyes. He probably looked desperate and needy, but he  _was_ , wasn’t he? “Cause I need you.”

   He wasn’t entirely sure what kind of response he was expecting, but the gentle, slow kiss was  _not_  what he’d anticipated. Logan withdrew slowly, both of their eyes fluttering open to fix on the others, “I’m not going to ever leave you…” Logan whispered, “You feel like home...I like feeling safe.” Remy could feel something warm and bright slowly coming alive in his chest, “I need you. You’ve brought out a side of me that I thought had died years ago.”

  That thing of warmth and brightness bloomed to fill the gaping hole that had opened up in his chest, and he felt tears brimming in his eyes again. The fear tried to scream at him, to take over again, but the warmth kept it faint and distant, “I...Logan…” he couldn’t help but stare up at him. 

* * *

 

  He couldn’t deny the vulnerability in Remy’s wide, pale green eyes. There was something almost child-like in there, afraid to trust but also willing too, a tug-of-war that had been going on for...years maybe.

  “I want to...believe you…” Remy swallowed hard, adam’s apple bobbing, his lower lip trembling slightly, “I do, I promise, I just…” Remy’s voice broke, his eyes closing and curling in on himself, bracing for something Logan would  _never_ stoop to, “I’m sorry, I’m...I’m sorry, please don’t go-”

 That protective spark returned and Logan held him closer, “Remy, I’m not going anywhere. You’re my one and only soulmate. I have found my metaphorical missing piece and I feel complete. Comfortable. You are enough and always will be.”

  For a few moments, the only sound between them was Logan humming a soft lullaby, but despite his efforts, Remy only seemed to slowly tense, his thoughts running rampant in his mind.

   He pressed his forehead to Logan’s chest, starting to shake and Logan kept humming, resting his lips in Remy’s hair.

  “But what if you’re wrong?!” he suddenly blurted out, “What if someone else comes along who’s better or stronger or-” his voice broke again, “-or your mark glows for them too?!” He heard Remy’s breathing hitch, “What if I’m not enough, or too much, or I share my everything and you see how fucked up and broken I am and- and-” he could feel Remy warring with himself, the pain and sorrow and fear that was pulling him in different directions, “-and you leave me all alone...like…” there was something he bit back, something that hurt so badly Logan had to fight the urge to flinch, “I can’t...lose you...like that…” he whimpered, “I can’t...hurt...like that again…” he shook his head, his forehead still against Logan’s chest, “I don’t wanna be alone anymore…” his voice broke again, thick with tears and small.

   He gently shifted them so Logan could lean against the wall, pulling Remy closer, “If it glows for someone else, which I strongly doubt, we’ll go over it if it happens. But Remy, I’m so attracted to you in every way. Emotionally, physically, and sexually, even though I’m a clueless mess on that last part.” He smiled to himself and slipped his hand under Remy’s shirt, his hand moving slowly over Remy’s bare skin. He felt Remy shiver and splutter for air, his breathing a little more even, “You aren’t going to be alone, Rem. You’re always welcome here. This is your home now too.” he kissed Remy’s forehead gently, “Come and go as you please. I’m not going anywhere.”

* * *

 

  Logan’s cold hand on his skin froze most of his rampant thoughts, the words he was speaking settling into his mind and helping still the rampant fear for the first time in probably a decade. He wanted to deny Logan, to push him away and put the walls up as fast they’d crashed down, he wanted Logan…

  He kept expecting Logan to react like ‘they’ did, almost wanting him too but...he...he didn’t. He actually  _cared_. He cared. He’d fallen apart at 4am in Logan’s bathroom, jerking off, and he still  _cared_. He still wanted  _Remy._

  It didn’t make the pain of past rejection go away, weighing him down, sparking fear...but the fear of  _opening up_  flooded away.

  It was a strange, foreign mix of relief, joy, and grief that flooded into him instead. And all he could do about it was cry. He tightened his hold on Logan’s waist, burying his face in Logan’s chest.

  He wanted this, more than anything in the world. But he was too scared to grasp it. It was close, so close it wouldn’t take to grab it and keep it close, but for now...for now, he was content enough to be nearby. It was like seeing a welcoming fire, a warmth that he could go and sit by if he so chose, but for the time being, hung around on the outskirts, content to feel the vague warmth.

  He felt Logan nuzzle into his hair and stay there, “I’ve got you, baby.” he murmured into his scalp and Remy shivered as his hand continued moving over his bare skin.

* * *

 

  Logan  _really_  didn’t want to think about all of the pain Remy had been through, especially if it was half as bad as Logan himself could feel.

  He knew everyone had a story, a past filled with decisions and circumstances that shaped them into who they were. And he wanted Remy to know he didn’t  _have_  to share. Natural curiosity made it hard not to ask, but he wanted Remy to feel safe. Secure and comfortable.

  One day at a time. He reminded himself. But for now, Remy was his top priority.


	20. A small Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Crying, Food Mention, Eating Mention, Kissing, Feeling Ill (Past), Past Vomit mention, Insomnia, Lack of Sleep, Bad Sleeping Habits (I have no idea what tag to use for that)

  Remy curled his hands into Logan’s shirt, hiding his face in Logan’s chest and sobbing out the overwhelming emotions. Slowly, the grief was overcome by relief and joy, his cries gradually reducing to soft whimpers and then sniffles. “Th-thank you…” he whispered, offering a small, weak, wavering smile into his chest.

 He felt Logan gently nuzzle his neck, “You’re welcome.” his hand was still rubbing up and down his back, a rhythm Remy found he was breathing to.

  He managed a few deep, slow breaths, forcing the air as far down as he could before he spoke again, “Sorry for...ya know…” he laughed, the sound soft and awkward, “...I’m sure you’re confused and have questions.”

 “Questions you can answer in your own time, Rem.” He heard the smile in Logan’s voice, making it warm and inviting.

* * *

 

  In response, Remy nuzzled his chest, “You can still  _ask_...Lo.”

  He felt his soulmate shake his head, “I’m not about to pry into intimate details of your life...another day maybe.” There were a few moments of quiet. Logan mulling something over as Remy basked in Logan’s closeness and post-tears haze, “When do you need to go back to work?” Logan asked softly, hand still firm and sweeping over his back.

 “Monday.” he answered, voice a little hoarse from the tears, “How convenient for you,” he pulled back to wipe his eyes and try for a real smile, “I took this weekend off.”

  Logan’s amber eyes were soft and worried, searching Remy’s face as he studied Logan’s. “Then stay with me this weekend?” he asked softly, blinking slowly as though he was holding back tears already, “I don’t know that I’m ready to watch you leave,” he added in a soft whisper, pulling Remy closer. 

 Remy knew if he hadn’t just had a complete breakdown in the bathroom, he would have teased him, just to see him blush. Maybe even to hide his own sense of vulnerability. But Logan looked vulnerable, he was tired, the pain remained even if it was buried. And being with Logan helped ease all of that.

  He nodded eagerly, “I’m not ready to go.” his voice wavered at the thought, fighting his own tears as they tried to rush up again, “However, this bathroom is cold.” he tried to joke weakly.

  Logan still blessed him with a laugh, “The bathroom is not cold...it’s only cold because you aren’t worked up.” he added with a slight tease, the corner of his lips curling into a small smirk that helped ease whatever grip had still been wrapped around Remy’s heart. Slowly, Logan got up, helping Remy up with him, “But we can exit if you want.” 

  Remy couldn’t help but lean on Logan for support, his legs feeling wobbly and just wanting to sulk, as close to Logan as possible. He nuzzled Logan’s chest, soaking up warmth from his soulmate, “It’s actually cold in here, Lo.” he whined, hiding his face in his shirt before finding the strength to add, “Please don’t let go.”

  He honestly didn’t know what he would do if Logan did.

  There was a soft scoff from Logan and Remy just knew (somehow) that Logan had rolled his eyes, “You can come with me, just to the living room, babe.” 

  Remy let himself relax against Logan, wrapping an arm around his waist, “Slow? My legs are all kinds of weak.” he added as a weak attempt at a joke, again. But Logan seemed to smile at that one.

  “We can go slow,” Logan answered gently, wrapping his arms around Remy’s waist and he nearly sighed from the sheer feeling of security that washed over him.

 Slowly, Logan guided Remy to the living room, “Thank you.” Remy squeezed his waist, “I’m-” his breath hitched and Remy forced  _more_  air in, as deep as it would go, “I need contact right now.” he admitted in a soft whisper, feeling the urge to duck his head and hide.

  They passed through the bedroom doorway, “Remy, I’d do pretty much anything for you.” he kissed Remy’s cheek as they passed by the kitchen counter, scooping up the pizza boxes and pulling Remy gently to the couch.

  He sat and pulled Remy down with him, letting the smaller of the pair settle against his side, making as much contact as humanly possible, “I didn’t know what you like…” that familiar uncertainty welled up in his stomach, reminding him of past attempts and failures, “I took a pretty wild guess…” he felt the urge to brace, but fidgeted with his fingers instead, watching himself fidget so he could avoid eye contact with Logan, “I felt more confident about it before.” he added with a weak laugh.

   Logan shifted suddenly and Remy tensed, glancing up as Logan sat the pizza’s down on the coffee table and he sucked his lip between his teeth. Instead of a condescending tone or rebuke, Logan sat sideways in his lap, wrapping his arms around Remy’s neck.

  “Rem…” Logan’s voice was soft and gentle, and he was so close Remy could see all of the freckles peppering his nose and cheekbones, “It’s okay.” he added with a soft smile, his voice just as warm as his eyes, “I was asleep.” He reassured gently, pressing their foreheads together but never breaking eye contact, “Thank you for getting food.”

  His breath hitched again, mostly surprised by the soft response he wasn’t expecting, before forcing more air in and sighing it out, relaxing against his soulmate. “Okay…” he whispered, eyes drifting closed for a moment, “Thanks…”

  A moment of warmth and contact on his lips was the only warning he got that he was being kissed, “I’ve got you.”

  And  _god_  those words were so comforting.

  A nervous smile broke out on his face. He hadn’t been this open with his feelings in a long time and he’d gotten used to...well, to be frank, really negative reactions. He wasn’t used to someone...reassuring and comforting him. It was scary to be this open, just as it was slightly relieving too but...maybe he could get used to this. If Logan kept him around long enough.

Maybe.

  “Okay, so what kind of pizza did you buy, Rem?” he asked, reaching for a box and opening it.

  He shifted nervously, “Uh, Hawaiian?” his smile was nervous, “Simple...kinda.”

  Logan’s smile actually got brighter, eyes shining, “It’s one of my favourites, Rem.” he answered happily, taking a piece and biting down eagerly.

  He couldn’t help but blink in surprise, taking a piece of his own pizza, “R-really?”

  His soulmate’s nod was eager as he took another bite, “Yeah!” he chewed for a few moments, “I love pineapple.” he giggled, “I like the acidity.”

  A shy smile and blush crept on Remy’s face and he ducked his head, proud with himself for getting it  _right._  For  _doing_  something right, “Well, I’m...I’m glad.” he took another bite of his own pizza.

  He felt a weight on his shoulder as Logan rested his head, “You’ll be okay sharing a bed?” he asked, gentle and genuine and Remy could help but relax, shoulders dropping.

  “Yeah, I’ll be okay.” a hesitant smile pulled at his lips, “Will  _you_  be okay with that?”

  Logan kissed Remy’s cheek, “I find I enjoyed sleeping beside you earlier and that I’m tired enough it shouldn’t matter.” he took another bite, eyes flitting over Remy’s face.

  His blush started to increase, “I’m, uh, I’m glad.” he gently nudged Logan’s forehead with his own, “You...are very cute when you’re asleep.”

  A blush spread on Logan’s face and Remy smirked as Logan picked up a second slice, “Don’t tell me that!” he squeaked, earning a softly laugh from Remy, “I am really tired.” he admitted, eyelids fluttering against Remy’s neck as he bit halfway into his pizza.

   Remy finished the one slice, but he was pretty sure that was all he could stomach now. When he’d gone to buy them he’d been starving but now...well, he  _had_  cried himself sick. There was always the chance it could happen again.

  And he could always eat more tomorrow.

  “Well, this won’t do.” he murmured, trying to tease playfully as he put his box of pizza aside and slid his arms behind Logan’s back and under his knees. Logan finished his second slice, “You’re not falling asleep out here.”

  He felt Logan squirm and he couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled out of him, even as Logan grumbled, he smiled. It was nice that things easily got light again, even when he didn’t explain why he’d been so upset, “Rem…” Remy had to admit, he was as tired as Logan was, “Noooooooo…” Logan whined.

  He needed sleep as much as lanky nerd did, apparently.

  With Logan secure, he carefully got to his feet and adjusted Logan’s weight before moving toward the bedroom, “That was a hardly convincing ‘no’, Lo.” he teased gently with a giggle, kissing his forehead as he walked.

  Logan gently pushed on his chest, “I don’t wanna be carried. Put me down, Rem!”

   Carefully, he eased them both through the door, “You fell asleep in my lap, nerdling.” he approached the bed, “Are you sure?”

  Logan glared at him through heavy eyelids, “I did not fall asleep.” he tried to sound firm and Remy smiled, “And yes. Put me down!”

  Remy’s smile grew, “Okay.” he stepped forward, slipping his arms out from under him.

* * *

 

   Logan squeaked, feeling Remy’s arms suddenly withdraw and keeping his grip on Remy’s neck as he fell. He felt Remy stumble with a yelp, tumbling down with him but he caught himself, hands on either side of his head.

  Remy’s eyes were wide with surprise, the pale green irises shining with surprise and concern before Logan grinned at him, using his locked arms to pull him closer.

  Remy’s elbows buckled, kisses peppering all over his face, “It’s time for sleep, Rem!” he sang, considering twisting to pull Remy onto the bed with him.

  “Get under the covers, dork, and let me turn off the lights.”

  It was nice to hear him laugh, to see his smile again. In the short time, Remy had been upset, he’d missed it. And even if all wasn’t quite well, at least he seemed to be feeling better.

  He giggled to himself as he crawled under the covers, hearing Remy go to the light switch, peering up at Remy from the top of the covers. 

  Logan didn’t miss the way Remy paused at the wall, turning to glance at him with uncertainty on his face before it softened and his eyes warmed, a small smile pulling onto his face. Logan felt something like relief spread, though Logan was pretty sure it was Remy’s, and he smiled back as Remy flicked off the lights and padded toward him.

  He felt Remy crawl into the bed, immediately shuffling closer and resting his head on his soulmate’s chest. He could hear Remy’s calm heartbeat, felt the slow rise and fall of his chest, could sense calm washing over his soulmate and something warm too.

  He smiled to himself, “‘Night...Remy…” he whispered sleepily, nearly yawning.

  Remy’s arms wrapped tightly around Logan’s shoulders, “Goodnight, Lo.” he whispered into his hair.

  With another nuzzle into Remy’s chest, his own breathing slowly evened out and his eyes fluttered closed, drifting into sleep faster than he ever had.

  Considering he’d been awake for almost thirty-eight hours straight. Excluding his short two hour nap with Remy.


	21. Accidental Touches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Somnophilia, non-consensual, Palming (Attempted handjob?), Wet Dream mention (super brief), Swearing, Panic, Embarrassment, Shaking, Intrusive Thoughts, Trouble Breathing

A few hours of peaceful sleep had managed to pass the pair by, neither of them moving from their position, content to be close to the one they’d been paired with. But there was one thing Logan failed to mention, despite the pair being so open otherwise.

Logan sometimes... _acted out_  in his sleep.

And his hands were usually the first to act. One of these hands slid over Remy’s chest, settling on his hip, right over the waistband of the sweats for a moment, before slipping up under Remy’s borrowed shirt.

* * *

 

 His cold hand on Remy’s cuddle-warmed skin was what gently disturbed his sleep, brows furrowing a little as he tried to recall exactly where he was. He could feel something cool on his skin, that cool spreading as his shirt rose, Logan shifting beside him.

  He hadn’t really thought much of it. A hand resting on the waistband of his slacks, the other tucked up on his chest under the shirt, Logan’s head on his lower ribs. It seemed like an awkward position to be asleep in, but Remy smirked and rested his hand on Logan’s head.

  It all seemed to settle for a few moments, Remy starting to doze off again, matching his breathing with Logan’s. Until the hand  _on_  the waistband of the sweats slipped  _under_  the waistband.

  Remy tensed and a squeak tried to escape but Logan’s position on his ribs made it come out as a breathy whimper. His palm was resting over Remy’s clothed dick, the other exploring languidly over Remy’s chest, and Logan huffed softly against Remy’s exposed navel.

  Remy’s eyes flew open as he gasped softly, eyes meeting nothing but darkness and his mind recognised the shift. Immediately his other senses increased as they usually did,  ****skin starting to burn under Logan’s touch as his ears started to pick up all the little sounds around them.

  His body felt like it was on fire, like he’d been dipped in a volcano and told not to scream.

  He tried to breathe out calmly, worried he’d wake Logan if he panicked, his one free hand moving to gently wrap around Logan’s wrist. If he could at least pull it away, maybe tangle their fingers together, he could stop whatever would happen if he didn’t.

  Instead, Logan’s hand resisted. Slow, gentle movements started on Remy’s cock and Remy hissed in a breath as rivulets of sensation shot all over his thighs and up his spine. “Rem…” Logan mumbled in his sleep, and Remy felt another spark shoot up his spine, goosebumps prickling all over his chest and arm.

  But he’d taken note of the sleepily way he’d mumbled it. He sighed out a soft breath, swallowing hard as he tightened his hold a little on Logan’s wrist, trying to pull it away or at least _stop Logan from palming him_. With his other arm pinned, it was awkward to try and see if Logan was asleep, but he had a creeping suspicion...if only his eyes would catch  _any light at all._

  Logan nuzzled against Remy’s chest, breathing a deep sigh and shifting, his body lying against Remy’s side. For a brief moment, Remy was relieved. Maybe he could get Logan’s hand off after all.

  Until the other hand slid it’s way under Remy’s back, slipping under the waistband of the slacks there, but resting over the boxers.

  Remy bit his lip, pinned hand clenching into a fist as his other tried to tug Logan’s hand  _out of his pants_. He gulped, breathing hard, “Lo?” he whispered, almost  _begging_  the universe that Logan was a light-sleeper, “You awake?”

 Logan’s had spread further, palm  _still_  rubbing over the fabric, and Remy nearly groaned to himself. Logan  _was_  far stronger than he looked. One finger spread out, stroking once down the length, and Logan huffed out more air, the sensation dancing over Remy’s now bare stomach.

  His back tensed as he tried to bite back a whine, as Logan tried to inch closer, a leg wrapping around his, “Lo, please tell me if you’re awake or not.” he whispered, his grip tightening on Logan’s wrist. With all the strength he could, he tried to pull Logan’s hand away, but he was at a severe disadvantage.

  One from the angle. And two...Logan was  _deceptively_  strong.

  The leg hooked over Remy’s tightened, forcing his legs further apart and Remy huffed, feeling his erection starting to rise further and Logan’s hand moved to try and grasp him.

  Through the silence of the room, soft sighs and whines started to escape Logan, clearly dreaming of something that was getting  _him_  excited.

 “Not awake then…” he murmured to himself. Pulling Logan’s hand away was clearly not going anywhere. And if anything, he’d probably just end up hurting Logan. The soft noises escaping Logan did little to help him either, his body reacting even as he was struggling to stop him.

  He planted his free foot, knee bent to try and wriggle himself out from Logan’s hold, pulling at his trapped leg, and trying to hold Logan’s wrist  _still_  at least.

  “Logan, wake up, please,” he whispered, straining as he tried to pull himself free from the nerd now tangled around him.

  Relief nearly flooded Remy when Logan stirred, “Is time for a nap, Rem…” he took a deep breath, “Don’ leave.”

  “Logan...baby, you’re hand-” he felt a blush rush to his cheeks, squeezing Logan’s wrist to try and help Logan orient.

  Instead, Logan sleepily shook his head, “Hand’s fine...is just ‘splorin’.” Remy whined, high-pitched and needier than he’d  ****expected, “Is experiment.” he mumbled, the hand applying more pressure.

   Remy squeezed his wrist tighter and his head tipping back into the pillows, “Lo…” he panted softly, “God, please, wake up.” he whimpered. He really loathed waking Logan when Remy was as compromised as he was now, but he didn’t really have a choice. If anything...Logan would be  _more_  panicked to find out what he’d done  _later_  and Remy wanted  _that_  even less, “You’re hand is... _fuck…”_

  The nerd shifted, nuzzling further across Remy’s chest and effectively pinning Remy to the bed. No amount of squirming was going to get him free now. Logan’s hand slipped under Remy’s boxers and Remy threw his head back against the pillows, a strangled whine escaping his throat, “Sleeeep.” Logan whispered, before his body relaxed and Remy nearly cried out.

  “Logan,  _please._ ” He had never felt so sensitive from nothing more than a hand resting over his cock, but here he was. Pinned beneath his soulmate, who had, up until today, never experienced an orgasm.

  Who wouldn’t let  _Remy_  touch him directly. Who had never even touched _himself._

 “I would love to sleep but your hand…” he took a deep breath, hoping to calm himself down, “This isn’t fair…” he whined softly.

  Normally this would have been right up his alley. Normally this was something he was interested in. But Logan wasn’t  _ready._

  He felt Logan’s brow furrow in his sleep, the hand that had almost settled on his ass moving back around to his chest. The fingers slipped back under his shirt, ghosting over Remy’s nipples and he gasped softly, a high-pitched whine escaping at the sensation.

  He couldn’t stop the new sensations, turning his face instead to his in the pillows as the little bolts of lightning skittered under his skin. He took a deep breath, but panted softly, Logan’s hand  _still_  moving over his erection, “God, Logan…” he took a deep breath to try and settle his panting, “You are such a heavy fucking sleeper,” he grumbled softly, trying again to unhook his pinned leg. “And I don’t know what to do…” he whined, biting his lip. 

* * *

 

  Logan startled awake, blinking in the darkness as he felt uneven breathing under his ear. He turned his head to look up at Remy, frowning to himself when he registered it as Remy beneath him, “Rem…?” he whispered.

  “Logan,” he whispered, sounding breathless and worried, “Please, I-” he felt a tug on his wrist, “I don’t-”

  He wriggled his fingers, trying to understand why Remy was trying to pull his wrist away.  _Wait...was that...oh...oh…_

_Oh._

  He let Remy tug his wrist free, his face turning red and his skin prickling as adrenaline rushed through his system. He had to try and ignore the sudden rush of  _gross_  that washed over him, the pit that tried to open in his stomach, and the subsequent flip that followed.

    _How do I keep doing this? He bit his lip, How do I keep teasing him and making this so much harder?_

  Remy breathed a soft sigh of relief, hiding his face in the pillows for a second as he felt his hand guided to Remy’s chest, his hand opening over the back of his, “I’ll explain just-”  _Why does he want to explain?_  “Gimme a minute…” he panted softly, chest rising and falling, “‘M not mad…”

  Logan’s eyes widened in the darkness, not expecting the softness from Remy after waking up like this, “I-” his throat closed, trying to focus on Remy’s touch instead of the growing pit in his stomach. He was going to be sick, he knew that but...well, he’d hurt Remy.

  Hadn’t he?

  After a few long, painful moments, Remy had managed to catch his breath, “Are you okay?” his soft voice filling the dark cold of the room, “I’m sorry I couldn’t wake you gentler,” Logan felt tears stinging his eyes. What did he do to deserve such a gentle soulmate? “You sleep heavy and-” Logan nearly held his breath as Remy paused a moment, “Lo?” he gently squeezed the hand on his chest, “Talk to me, hun.”

  It was at that exact moment his stomach flipped, “Can’t-” he tried to answer, feeling his body rebel and snatched himself away, stumbling off the bed and falling to the floor. He curled up halfway to the bathroom, shivering as his body and mind raced in circles, the bathroom door seeming so,  _so_  far away.

* * *

 

  Remy threw himself from the bed when Logan darted away, managing to reach the light and flick it on as he heard Logan collapse and turned, watching him curl up. He turned and padded slowly toward Logan, hoping he wouldn’t spook his soulmate, “Hey, Lo, hey.” he whispered softly, kneeling by his side, “Can I touch you? What do you need?”

  He hadn’t expected Logan to shake his head, “No.” a soft squeak escaped and Remy pulled his hands to his chest, as though keeping them there would prevent him from trying.

  He felt the familiar pit open in his stomach and chest, watching Logan try and crawl to the bathroom, shaking so badly he was almost convulsing.

  He wanted to help, to get him to the bathroom or help him sit up but Logan didn’t  _want_  to be touched…

  “What do...can I help?” he asked softly, trying to ignore the painful gnawing in his chest and stomach, “Get something? Say…” he swallowed, hating how vulnerable he sounded, “Something? Lo?”

* * *

 

  Logan flipped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling with his arms spread out by his side. He had to try and think. If Remy panicked while he was...Lord knew how hurt Remy could get by that.

  He should be able to get past this, right? This was normal. People explored their soulmate’s bodies like this all the time. Groping and stuff was normal. Especially after first meeting. He knew this.

  He  _knew_  this was normal.

  So  _why_  was it so fucking hard? Why did it feel like air was being crushed out of his lungs, his throat burning as bile rose to his mouth, tongue feeling swollen and tasting copper in his mouth.

  He couldn’t even stop  _shaking_. 

  This wasn’t exactly the first time this had happened. The panic and the…

  But maybe if he knew Remy was okay...he wanted Remy to be okay. He just wanted to be normal so his sleep...teasing, or whatever it was, wasn’t just something else to make him panic and spiral on the floor. So his soulmate was kneeling beside him, eyes wide and panicked, instead of enjoying the erection  _Logan_  had given him.

  Why wasn’t he normal? He didn’t  _want_  to feel like absolute shit for this.

 

* * *

 

 He didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t supposed to touch him, but...god, he looked so scared and hurt. Was he going to be sick? Should he grab something just in case? Logan was staring at the ceiling, far too pale and shaking so badly they looked more like convulsions.

  He hadn’t made a noise or said a word, eyes hazy as he stared silently up at the ceiling and Remy tried to fight his own instinct. The instinct to run and not come back because  _you fucked it up fucked it all up just like every other time-_

  He shook his head, “Lo?” he whispered, wringing his hands, “Can you hear me?” he sounded so hesitant and uncertain, but goddamnit he was  _scared_! “Lo?” he bit his lip, toes turning toward each other as he stood and stared down at Logan.

  Finally, Logan nodded, eyes catching on something in the air and slowly following it. Dust maybe. Remy wasn’t sure.

  “Okay, uh,” he tried to take a deep breath, to silence his rampant thoughts, “I’m gonna get some water and, uh, um…” what would make the most sense and the easiest cleanup- “A bag. In case you can’t...get to the bathroom.”

  He didn’t dare take his eyes off Logan’s face, not sure exactly what he was expecting, but hoping Logan would respond. Almost ready to  _beg_  Logan to respond. He didn’t like the paths his mind was taking, but he also couldn’t  _help_  it.

  After a long moment, Logan nodded.


	22. Calming the Nerd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Shaking, swearing, allude to sex, guilt, kissing, lack of sleep, bad sleep habits

 Remy wasted no time sprinting from the room, heading straight for the kitchen and finding a glass. He was shaking as he poured water, hurrying quickly to the plastic bag and emptying its contents. The silence made the sound echo, Remy’s heart pounding as he quickly hurried back into the bedroom, forcing himself to slow down as he approached his frightened soulmate.

 “I’m back.” he said softly, hoping Logan could still hear him, “Do you…” he forced himself to take a breath, mentally berating himself for hesitating, “Want to drink?”

 He saw Logan reach for the water, slowly moving to kneel by his side but Logan’s eyes widened, shining with realisation as he noted how hard he was shaking. Remy felt his heart twist as Logan retracted his hand again, fighting to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay.

 He was careful not to touch Logan, leaving the bag by his side, “Can you sit up?” he whispered, “Or...can I touch you?” he sounded so goddamn hesitant and scared and he was, but Logan needed him to be calm and collected and strong and-

 Dammit, get yourself together.

* * *

 

 Relief and joy flooded him when Logan nodded, “Touch...careful…”

 He sighed in relief, “Can I sit you up?” he asked, reaching out to gently brush his fingers over the back of Logan’s hand. He wasn’t sure how he would react, and didn’t want to overwhelm him right off the bat.

 Logan flinched from the touch but Remy didn’t have time to consider it as his soulmate relaxed, “Yeah…” he whispered.

 Gentle and careful, he slid an arm under Logan’s shoulders and eased him upright, keeping Logan’s shoulder tucked into his, eyes watching Logan’s face for discomfort or fear.

 He was still shaking in his arms, but didn’t resist or even look frightened, even as Remy carefully sat with Logan’s side against him, “Here, baby,” he held up the water, “Let me help you drink?”

 He felt the nerd curl close, his hand gripping Remy’s thigh and he frowned as Logan made himself as small as he physically could. He could see Logan was scared, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. But he wanted to help in anyway he could.

 “Please, help.” he whispered.

 Remy took a deep breath, coils of tension easing away and he found it easier to push away the thoughts trying to cloud his mind, “Of course, starlight.” he murmured softly, lifting the glass to Logan’s lips, “I’ve got you.”

 He watched his soulmate take a few slow sips, pulling his head back and hiding his face back in Remy’s chest, trembling in his arms as Remy put the glass down beside him. He wrapped his other arm around him in a loose hold.

 “This okay?” he asked softly, “Not too much?”

 He felt Logan nod, “It’s okay...just slow…”

 A small smile pulled onto Remy’s face, “We can take it slow.” he murmured, “Do you need anything? Anything I can say?”

 Logan tried to bury his face deeper into Remy’s chest, “Are you okay…?” he asked quietly.

 Remy felt something in his chest melt. Trust the nerd to be worried about Remy when he was the one having a breakdown.  “I’m fine, honey, I’m fine.” he reassured him gently, pressing a gentle kiss to Logan's forehead, "Are you?"

 He sighed, “H-how far did I...push you...before I woke up…?” he whispered softly.

 Remy shook his head, “Not that far.” he whispered, nuzzling into Logan’s hair, “I...was trying to wake you.” he rested his cheek on Logan’s head, “I was...trying not to panic.”

 He noticed Logan’s shaking had subsided a little, “Rem...can you be more specific? I need to know...how far I pushed…” there was a short moment of silence, where Remy felt like Logan had more to say, “Thank you for trying to wake me though.” he whispered softly.

 Remy sighed softly, “Logan, I don’t want to upset you further.” he kept his voice low and gentle, “You really didn’t push me far.” he kissed his hair, “I mean...I’m hard, but not...desperate?” he sighed into Logan’s hair, “And thank you.”

 He felt Logan relax against him, “I want to know...I need to know.”

 He couldn’t help the way his expression twisted, grateful that Logan’s couldn’t see it, “I...okay.” he took a deep breath, “Honestly, you weren’t doing much.” he whispered, “Just...palming me, really. Exploring under the shirt.” his mouth went dry and he had to swallow hard again, feeling the phantom sensations on his skin, “I was...out of breath from trying to...to wake you up.”

 A small nod against his chest, “That’s all…?” he sounded hesitant and worried, “Was my hand touching what I think it was...when I woke up?”

 A noise somewhere between discomfort and need escaped his throat high pitched and whiny, “Yeah.” he breathed softly, “I...I’m sorry.” he let his eyes close against the telltale sting of tears.

 Instead of what he’d expected, Logan snuggled closer, “I initiated it, didn’t I?” there was a pause, “While I was sleeping.”

 He couldn’t help but grimace, “I don’t know...maybe.” he answered softly, squeezing his eyes tighter, “But I should’ve-” his voice broke, guilt weighing heavy on his heart.

 He felt Logan shake his head, “I’d thought...hoped I’d grown out of it.” Logan took a deep breath, “You did the right thing, Rem.”

 Remy forced himself to swallow the guilt down, “Grown out of it?” he asked, trying to ignore the familiar, spiralling thoughts. Logan wasn’t angry with him or scared of him. They would talk about this. It would be okay.

 The nerd nodded, “When I was with my ex, this is something we’d frequently do.” he started softly, voice low and quiet and Remy could almost feel the pain radiating from Logan as he spoke, “I have a theory she’d regularly take my hand and...use it...then blame me.” It was such soft, quiet pain, the kind of pain Remy knew stung and burned and twisted...he couldn’t help but hold him tighter, “So I guess it became muscle memory.”

 Remy’s frown deepened, an arm moving from Logan’s back to gently run through his hair, “Honey...have you never heard of sleep sex?” he whispered, “Don’t get me wrong, your theory is very likely, but...it does happen.”

 Slowly, Logan tilted his head back to look up at Remy, “Sleep sex?” he asked, voice so soft and innocent, Remy’s heart melted,  “She’s really the only person I’ve shared a bed with...so it’s hard to say.”

 A soft and worried look fell over Remy, “It’s like sleeptalking and walking…” he nodded, “And it’s not uncommon.” he ran his fingers slowly through Logan’s hair again, “And she could be the reason you do it. No one really knows what causes it.” he pressed a gentle kiss to Logan’s forehead, “All I know, is that I still l-” he caught himself, “-care for you.”

 Logan kissed Remy softly, a chaste and hesitant thing, “I care about you too...I want to do whatever I started while asleep but I...also know I’m not ready.” he lowered his eyes and then his head, “I don’t blame you if you don’t want to sleep with me again until I am…” he added in a low whisper, a sound so full of that quiet, resigned pain again that Remy’s heart twisted.

 He pulled Logan closer, “I know you’re not ready.” he whispered, “And I’ve woken up excited plenty of times before.” he pressed a few gentle kisses to Logan’s forehead and brows, “I still want to be with you, sleeping or whatever. Just as long as I can...deal with it come morning.”

 A small smile graced Logan’s face and Remy felt like a desert tasting rain, “Of course you can cum in the morning.” Logan winked, and Remy’s eyes widened, barely choking back a laugh, “I-” Logan blinked a few times as he blushed and winced at the pun, “I hate myself…”

 “Oh honey.” he gently kissed Logan, “You must be so tired. How are you feeling?”

 There was a small nod, “I’m tired but concerned…”

 “Concerned?” Remy ran his fingers through Logan’s hair, “About what?”

 “That if we go back to sleep…” there was a pause and Remy kissed his hair gently, “This will happen again.” he whispered, “But I don’t want you to go.”

 He took a deep breath, “Logan, you’re not in control if it does.” he held him a little tighter, “Now that...I know what it is, I’m not afraid to stay. I don’t want to leave.”

 Logan sighed softly, “I don’t know the right way to wake me up...I hate that I keep...working you up. Intentionally or otherwise…”

 Remy shook his head, “There are other ways to shut it down without waking you up.” he kissed Logan’s forehead gently, “Baby, remember, I don’t mind. It’s...nice...actually...that me existing has this kind of response.” he smiled, resting his lips on Logan’s forehead, “It’s...reassuring.”

 “How can you shut it down…? If my wrists are any indication, you were struggling pretty hard.” Logan shifted his head to press a kiss to Remy’s cheek and his smile brightened, “I mind that I work you up and can’t act on it...my imagination is only so vivid.”

 Remy smiled softly down at Logan. God, how could someone care so much about him? “There are ways, baby. Don’t you worry.” he answered gently, “I was...worried you were awake, mostly. And when I realised you weren’t...I didn’t want you panicking when you woke up.” he laughed pitifully, “Did a horrible job of that, I know.” he sighed, closing his eyes, “You’re stronger than you seem, Lo, but I’ll find a way, okay?” he whispered, kissing Logan’s lips gently. It was just as hesitant and chaste as Logan’s had been “Luckily for you, I have a wonderful subject for my own ventures. And if you ever want me to help, all you have to do is ask, okay?” he pulled back to look down into Logan’s eyes, his own shining with warmth and care, “I don’t want you suffering.”

 “Rem…” Logan took a deep breath, “Once I fall asleep, I am usually dead to the world, figuratively speaking.” He kissed Remy’s cheek gently, “And I wasn’t even turned on initially…” he smiled suddenly, a distant look in his eye, “One day, you’ll have to let me into that beautiful imagination.”

 “And that’s okay.” the warm smile never left his face, “I’ll figure it out.” he pressed another gentle kiss to Logan’s cheek, “And I don’t think I’ll need to let you in.” he smiled against Logan’s skin, “Not when I already have you.”

 He felt Logan chuckle, “I...I really care for you...I’ve heard and read so many stories of how quickly soulmates can move once they are with each other…” Remy smiled as Logan did, “I never thought it could. Simply seemed too illogical, romanticised even. But with you…” he looked up and met Remy’s eyes, almost like he was searching them for something, “With you I want to show and experience everything. Even things that scare me. Because you...make them more intriguing than frightening.” he paused for a moment, “The unknown can be scary.”

 Remy’s heart fluttered and melted at the same time, “Logan…” he whispered, voice going a little hoarse, “I...know what you mean. Kind of.” he smirked, “I want to give you...so much and protect you from...well, everything.” he added with a soft laugh, “I care so much and that’s scary for me but also...well…” he kissed Logan gently, “More fulfilling than I could have hoped.”

 Logan turned to face Remy, “I am really glad you have the weekend off...I don’t know how I’ll be able to watch you leave on Monday.”

 Remy hummed softly, “I can always come back.” he smirked with a raised eyebrow, “I don’t…” the smile fell, “Like being alone in my apartment anyways.” he chuckled nervously as the smirk returned, “The bar isn’t open til late...I finish around two a.m.”

 Logan’s arms wrapped around Remy’s neck and pulled him down on top of him, kissing him hesitant but deep, “Good thing I’m not usually asleep till four or five then.” he murmured.

 Remy pulled back a moment, looking deeply into his eyes, “That’s...real late, honey.” he whispered, before leaning down to kiss him again. He couldn’t help but wonder, if they would ever get anything done without ending up making out on the nearest flat surface.

 

* * *

 

 

 A soft chuckle escaped Logan as he looked up at Remy, “Not so bad…I was up for thirty eight hours before our nap.” he offered, pulling Remy down into another kiss and humming happily into his mouth.

 Something about making out and being this close didn’t make his skin crawl. The possibility of more was tangible, possible in some distant future, but right here and now?

 Making out with his soulmate was enough.

 He felt Remy’s brow furrow before he pulled away for air, eyes fluttering open to meet Remy’s, “That’s not bad? Lo…” fingers gently ran through Logan’s hair, “What do you mean?” a soft kiss to his lower lip and Logan relaxed under Remy.

 “Babe, I’ve stayed awake for forty six hours...you coming home at two in the morning isn’t the worst thing.”

 He blushed when he realised he’d implied that his home was also Remy’s. And for a moment, there was a spark of fear that Remy would reject that, followed by a bright, warm hope that maybe it would be one day.

 His hands slid down Remy’s back, settling on his waist and keeping him close.

 He felt Remy shiver from the touch, eyelids fluttering and a soft dusting of pink on his cheeks, “Home...huh.” he pressed soft kisses along Logan’s lower lip before capturing him in a slightly heated one. Logan almost whined when it was over too soon, “I could get used to hearing you say that.”

 He felt a hot blush covering his face at Remy’s words, melting a little as he stared up into those pale green eyes. They were so...soft now. Compared to the park. Had some kind of guard come down? “Rem...you feel like home.”

 Another shiver in his hands, and Logan spotted goosebumps on Remy’s arms, that dusting brightening on Remy’s cheeks, “So do you, Lo.” he whispered. When their lips met again, that slight heat had turned to a blazing fire and this time, it was desperate for something.


	23. Things Heat Up.....Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This scene gets spicy but not explicit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Kissing, weight mentioned, fear, nervousness, swearing,

Logan tangled a hand in Remy’s hair, meeting the heat and desperation of Remy’s kiss with his own, hooking a leg around Remy’s waist. His body burned as he tried to breathe through his nose, not ready to break the contact, desperate and hungry for more of the heat Remy was giving. There was no way to put out the fire, though Logan wasn’t sure he truly wanted to. Remy was everywhere, leaning over him the way he was, and despite the heat and fire, he found he wasn’t afraid.

He knew he was safe. Which was odd...but also kept his anxiety and intrusive thoughts far, far away.

Remy moaned softly into the kiss  _ he _ initiated, settling some of his weight onto Logan as a hand slipped to cup Logan’s cheek, the other sliding down his chest.

He sighed back into the kiss, a high whine escaping as Remy’s hand danced down his chest, “Closer...I want…” he pulled at Remy, “No, I  _ need _ you closer.” He hadn’t met any resistance and still pulled Remy down, their chests meeting.

A soft moan escaped Remy, something breathy and high-pitched, the hand on his cheek moving to tangle into his hair, “Can I...chest...touch…?” he struggled with the words between kisses.

“Please...are- are you okay?”

Remy’s fingers moved as they tangled in his hair, “I’m good,” he whispered, hand sliding up under Logan’s shirt, “This...more…” he kissed along Logan’s jawline, small chaste kisses, “As much as you’ll-” he kissed Logan’s neck, “-as you’ll give me.”

Logan turned his head, arching up into Remy’s new touches, “F-feels...good...” he moaned breathlessly.

 More kisses peppered down his neck, small jolts of electricity as his lips met skin, trailing down to his shoulder but stopping short of his collar, “I need you, Lo.” he whispered, his other hand exploring Logan’s chest in small arcs, “I...I need you…”

There was a moment of fear, as Remy’s hand brushed a certain part of his chest, but there was no reaction, no pause or hesitation in Remy’s movements. He didn’t bother to call attention to it. He wanted to enjoy this.

Logan opened his eyes, looking up at Remy and batting his eyes, “I- I need you, Remy.” Something flashed in Remy’s eyes then, but Logan wasn’t entirely sure what.

And he also wasn’t entirely sure he knew what he was asking for. All he could understand and know, was that he needed Remy. Needed his contact. Needed the easy emotional connection. He needed this one human, this one chance encounter with a complete stranger, that brought out a softer side he never knew he had. The side that enjoyed this affection. That shared feelings openly.

And felt heard.

 

* * *

 

Remy whined, sinking against his soulmate and capturing his lips again in a heated kiss. He moaned softly as he did, relishing the way Logan felt so steady, like a dock in a storm. Some kind of order in the the chaos that was his life. He was kindness and care that Remy had never known, never realised he’d missed, or wanted or needed. He was security and safety and Remy really,  _ really _ couldn’t get enough of it.

 

* * *

 

Logan pulled him closer, wanting everything Remy could give and anything his body and mind could agree on. Remy was safe. No pressure. No expectations. No degradation for not doing more or better. Instead, he was told he was enough. Over and over again. That what he was giving was enough, more than enough, that this moved at  _ his _ pace, no one else’s.

He moaned against Remy’s lips, still wanting more but not sure, what exactly would be allowed by him or Remy.

He felt Remy slide his hand to his stomach, slowly exploring, feeling over ridges. He felt the kiss break, Remy’s forehead pressing to his and that small whispering fear returned, but when his eyes opened...those pale green eyes Logan kept getting lost in, they burned bright with something Logan dared to call love. “You okay, honey?” he whispered and Logan damn near melted, Remy’s nails scratched gently at his scalp, “This isn’t too much?”

He moaned, the touches all still so bright and new, nodding to him, “I’m okay...sensitive and a bit nervous because...well, I dunno where my limit is…” he tried to ignore the other niggling fear in his mind, “But I know I’m safe and I trust you.”

A soft smile pulled onto Remy’s face, such a stark contrast to the burning in his eyes, “We’ll keep taking it slow.” he whispered, fingers tracing gently around Logan’s navel, “You’re so perfect, Lo.”

He squirmed under Remy’s touch, “It is very unlikely I am perfect.” he countered, unable to help the serious tone in his voice, “I make numerous mistakes before I leave my bedroom each morning.” he tried to tease.

Remy rolled his eyes and smiled fondly down at him, before pressing a soft kiss to his lips, “Can I...can I kiss your chest?”

Logan sighed happily into Remy’s kiss and nodded, “J-just slow…” he answered in a low whisper, “I’m not thinking very clearly anymore so...hitting that limit…I don’t know where it is.”

Remy gently and slowly pulled up Logans shirt, leaning back to look over Logan’s chest slowly, “You’re so pretty, Lo.” he whispered and the spike of fear got harder to ignore but Remy either didn’t seem to want to say anything, or notice his fear. Instead, he leaned down and kissed Logan’s chest gently, “We’ll take it slow, as slow as you need.”

Logan flushed at the compliment, back arching as electricity buzzed under the surface, “Rem...feels so good…”

Soft, slow kisses were pressed along his chest, moving up his sternum first, before heading over his left pec, “I’ve got you, baby.” Remy whispered, breath dancing over Logan’s skin, a hand gently sliding to his hip, “So soft…”

He breathed out, turning into a loud, breathy whine from high in his throat, “Rem…” he whimpered, unable to help how needy he felt. His hand found Remy’s cheek, drawing him back up for a desperate kiss.

He felt Remy sink against him, running his thumb over Logan’s hipbone, his hips jumping at the sensation as Remy continued playing with his hair.

Logan moaned into the kiss, “Remy…” he swallowed hard, “Remy, remy...remy…”

At this point, he wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted or needed. His mind was a blur, a whirlwind of thoughts and sensations and feelings, most of which he couldn’t make sense of.

He hooked his other leg around Remy’s waist, hearing Remy’s soft moan taper into a whine as he pressed Remy cloer. There was no denying now that Remy was turned on.

 “Baby, I’m here.” he whispered, so soft and gentle and reassuring, as he trailed kisses over Logan’s cheeks and nose, “I’m right here,” he gently scratched along Logan’s hipbone, “I’ve got you.”

The kiss broke for a moment, Logan panting softly into the otherwise silent bedroom, “Rem...I don’t know what I want…” he searched Remy’s face desperately, those pale green eyes soft and yet burning down at him, “I want you so much…” he pleaded softly, voice breaking into a whisper, even as a corner of Remy’s lips twitched upward.

“Close is a good start.” he whispered, taking his hand from Logan’s hair to trail it gently down Logan’s ribs, “Slow is too.” he pressed slow, firm kisses down along Logan’s jaw, feeling him shiver, “You just tell me,” he kissed the joint where jaw met ear, “When it’s too much. Or you can’t.”

Logan nodded, “Remy…?” the other paused, leaning back to hover over Logan, “Can we get off the floor? I think I’d rather be on the bed…” a soft blush spread on Logan’s face, despite his current flush, eyes darting as he asked shyly.

A bright grin spread on Remy’s face, those eyes shining, “Of course, we can.” he leaned down, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to Logan’s lips, “I l-  _ need _ you.” he pushed himself up until his arms were straight, tracing a finger from Logan’s chest to his stomach, “I...want you comfortable.”

Logan’s body wasn’t sure how to respond to the touch, unsure if it was trying to lean into it or away, but with the new space, Logan sat up, “I need you…” he whispered, kissing Remy deeply.

He moaned into the kiss, Remy’s arms wrapping around Logan’s shoulders and pulling him up, melting into the warmth and pulling Logan to his chest, “How are you so...perfect?” he whispered between kisses, “I don’t…” he moaned softly, “I don’t understand…”

The kiss broke as Logan shook his head, “Remy...I’m not.” Remy pulled Logan up to his feet, keeping him close, “I just really want you.”

Soft, warm lips found his neck, tracing soft kisses to his collarbone as the loose shirt fell back down, “For me...you are.” he whispered.

Logan moaned softly, jumping to wrap his legs around Remy’s waist, catching Remy’s lips with his and he felt Remy chuckle, arms tightening and carrying him to the bed.

“For someone as strong as you,” they fell together, Logan laying on his back, “You sure are light as a feather.”

Remy’s lips playfully mouthed at Logan’s earlobe, Logan giggling and moaning from the kisses, “Rem, I need you.”

Remy gently ran his fingers down both of Logan’s sides, pushing the shirt back up to feel Logan’s skin, panting softly as he pressed soft kisses to Logan’s shoulder, “I need...I  _ want _ you, Lo…” he whispered softly between kisses, “So bad.”

Logan whimpered, “Rem…” squirming a little to shrug his shirt off, impatiently tugging at the hem of Remy’s, “More contact.”

A soft chuckle escaped Remy as he leaned back onto his knees, pulling the shirt off and discarding it behind him in one motion, “Look as good as last time?” he teased with a soft wink and grin, leaning back down to hover over Logan, “When...was the last time you brushed your hair?” he giggled, knowing his hair was  _ not _ going to be much better.

Logan’s fingers gently brushed over Remy’s chest, “New rule...you...you don’t get to wear a shirt…” he whispered, “Brush my hair…?” he blinked and pouted, “Rem, we’re having a moment!”

Remy purred and shivered before he threw his head back laughing, “No shirts then!” he chuckled, grinning brightly, “And you gotta have fun!” he leaned down, just out of reach of Logan’s lips, “These are the best moments for teasing,” he purred, voice low and husky, “Laughter is the best bonding agent.”


	24. Things Are Still Heating Up...Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much of the same Nyx enjoys the foreplay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex mention, kissing, nervousness, swearing, tears, undressing

Remy felt Logan pull him down by his neck, one firm hand on the nape of his neck and he felt goosebumps rise on his skin, something inside him melting, “I really want you, Rem…” Logan whispered, those pale blue eyes shining brightly, a finger tracing slowly down his chest. Remy felt him exploring each did and curve, wondering to himself when...had someone paid this much attention him last?

“Lo…” he whispered, voice getting husky, “I don’t know what that means…” he leaned down, gently kissing Logan as the hand continued to trace over his skin, feeling the soft warmth of Logan’s mouth, “What it means for you…” he added softly to clarify, kissing along to the corner of Logan’s mouth and up over his cheeks.

He let Logan pull back, watching Logan as his pale blue eyes searching Remy’s face, “I don’t know either…” Logan’s voice was soft and low, “Nothing feels close enough…” he whined quietly.

Remy’s hands glided down to Logan’s hips, “We’ll take that slow.” he whispered calmly, “You just tell me when it’s too much.”

A small pocket of heavy silence fell over them, something wanting to be said but hesitating. Remy gave him all the time he needed as Logan slowly nodded, before managing to ask softly, “You...won’t be angry when I say no?”

Remy almost whimpered at the thought. Who had punished him for _that_ ? “Baby, no, of course not.” he held Logan’s eyes in a gentle but warm gaze, “I won’t get mad, no matter how far we get.” he took his hand from Logan’s hip to gently cup his cheek instead, “Consent is the most important thing, _always_. I’m not going to get mad for respecting yourself. Or for keeping yourself safe.”

Remy was all too used to the age old argument after that, but he relaxed when Logan nodded and nuzzled into Remy’s hand instead, “Okay...I trust you.” he whispered, eyes burning and heavy lidded, “I’m just nervous…” Remy gave him a smile smile, “I’ve never wanted someone this much.”

“To be fair, I’m also nervous.” he answered, voice low and rumbling slightly, his thumb gently stroking Logan’s cheekbone, “I don’t want to hurt or scare you.”

Logan sighed with a slight smile, “It’s scary...wanting you this much is scary…” he whispered, “To never feel like we’re close enough...it scares me shitless.”

He gave a lopsided smile, “That’s...exactly how I feel.” Remy whispered in return, eyes full of awe and warmth as he studied Logan’s face closely, “I want you so bad, honey and I’m... _so_ scared of that.” he took a deep breath, “But we’ll figure this out together, right?”

His soulmate nodded, tightening his arms around Remy’s neck, “I care about you...so much, Rem.”

A soft whine escaped Remy, sinking to bury his face in Logan’s neck, his heart almost full to bursting. “I lo-” Remy had to catch himself again, kissing over the skin gently, “- care about you, Logan.” He ran his hand up to Logan’s ribs, as the other snaked beneath Logan’s back to press him closer, “So fucking much.”

A soft moan escaped Logan, “Remy...I don’t know what I want…” he pressed himself closer, “I trust you so much, but I want you...I know that…”

Remy was busily kissing over Logan’s neck, only pausing to meet Logan’s eyes and search his face, “You trust me…? Truly?”

Again, his soulmate nodded like it was so _simple_ , “I do trust you...I trust you not to take advantage of me and to listen to me.” He answered, voice low and warm and rumbly against Remy’s chest, “But more so, I trust that you have my best interest at heart.”

He felt his heart melt all over again, and the _weight_ of Logan’s words. Someone... _Logan_ trust him. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and he smiled, quick to cover them with a deep kiss, squeezing his eyes closed and pulling Logan closer, his kiss and movements heated and desperate.

  


* * *

 

 

Logan melted in Remy’s arms, feeling the surge of emotions from his soulmate. Their happiness intertwined into a confusing mass in his chest, swirling and twirling in his body. Words didn’t seem to be Remy’s strong suit, but touch...Remy was _very_ good at touch.

“Rem…” he whispered, reciprocating the hot kiss with his own, trying to show Remy how loved and safe he felt in the arms of his soulmate.

Like he never had before.

For a moment, he pulled back, swallowing hard and kissing over Logan’s face, as though afraid to meet Logan’s eyes, “Yeah?” he choked out, either from tears or happiness, Logan couldn’t tell.

He managed to catch Remy’s face, holding it as he looked up and saw the small tears hanging in the corners of Remy’s eyes, “I want you…” he whispered, pouring as much conviction and meaning into his voice.

Remy swallowed hard and laughed softly, his eyes brightening as he smiled, “I want you.” he whispered back, warm and bright, fingers teasing along the waistband of Logan’s sweatpants.

A whimper escaped Logan, “Remy...I don’t even know what I want or need at this point.” he pouted up at Remy, “Is making me beg that entertaining?” he teased softly.

Remy didn’t quite seem to catch Logan’s light joke, “No.” he swallowed, “I…” Logan watched Remy’s eyes get shining again, “I want to give you time to say no.” he whispered, easing the sweats down a little, “I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

A gentle, warm smile pulled onto Logan’s face, “I was just teasing, Rem…” he whispered softly, shivering with goosebumps as he felt Remy explore his limits, “Hey, Rem, give me...a second to check with myself?”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he expected Remy to get angry. Even though he trusted Remy, that fear was still present, trying to take over and rear its ugly head. He half-expected Remy to shout at him, hold him harder and pin him but…

There was no flash of anger, no disappointment, no hurt. Just a warm smile, Remy pausing but not stiff, smiling proud and warm and gentle, “Of course.” even his voice was gentle and kind, “All the time you need.”

Obviously he needed to take a moment to think clearly. But it was...nice to know that he could ask Remy to stop and he would.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to sift through the rampant thoughts in his mind. He did truly care for Remy, more than he had ever cared for anyone before. This was definitely how romance was _supposed_ to feel...from what he’d learned and read about in the past.

But he also couldn’t deny the sexual attraction. The way his body flared when he saw Remy, or how it squirmed when Remy teased him and yearned for more of Remy when they were close.

The question that remained then was...did he really want sex? Or was it something else entirely that he wanted?

He knew he wanted Remy as close as humanly possibly, but sex itself was going to be way to overwhelming. Even now, just making out, was sometimes too much to take, with the soft and slow touches.

So, what did he want?

He _did_ have an emotional connection with a man he had met a few days ago...and _that_ was terrifying. But did he _really_ feel comfortable enough for Remy to touch him...there?

He searched for the usual pit of dread that opened in his stomach or the telltale shiver as his skin crawled but he couldn’t find it. Instead he found excitement and nervousness, goosebumps and heat.

So...he wanted something _more_ but not _all._

Slowly, he opened his eyes, surprised that Remy didn’t look bored or frustrated. “Remy, I trust you.” he answered warmly, “I still don’t quite know what I want…” Remy tilted his head slightly, “But I know what I would like to do.” Remy raised an eyebrow playfully, “Let’s say...fuck the clothes and just cuddle and...see where that goes? I want the contact.”

Logan felt a small swell of pride when Remy’s smile grew into an amused grin at ‘fuck clothes’, but it quickly softened again, “You feel comfortable with that, hun?” Logan let out a soft, high pitched whine at the small circles Remy was tracing on his exposed hip, “I can stay clothed for a bit if that’s what you want.” Remy’s voice was soft and warm and gentle, “Gotta admit I’m not... _relaxed_ down there.” A blush slowly rose on Remy’s cheeks and Logan couldn’t help but grin back.

“I feel comfortable because I want you close and you’re so honest and open with me that I trust you.” Remy’s eyes softened, “If you’d feel better clothed that’s fine…” he added gently, “I can’t say I’m relaxed down there either...I just want as much contact as you can offer.”

Logan smiled up as Remy’s eyebrows shot up and he relaxed, “Well, if you’re as hard as I am...I’m no longer embarrassed by it.” Remy playfully stuck his tongue out and Logan giggled. Remy’s voice got a little warmer but lower, a deep rumble against his chest, “Can I...Can I undress you?

Logan blushed bright and hot, “If...If you want to.”


	25. A Climax Between Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter did get away from me but only because you all deserve to see this. And since I wrote this one it's different than Nyx's chapter but they proof-read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex mention, Swearing, Porn Mention, Kissing, Nervousness, Fear, Orgasm mention, Orgasm, Anal sex, Undressing,

Remy smiled and started slowly letting his hands rest on Logan’s hips, “I want to.” He answered, “Is this a first, honey?” he whispered softly, “Being undressed by someone else?” He asked with a smirk as he hooked his finger into the waistband of Logan’s sweats.

 

A blush crept up Logan’s cheek, “I---uh---yeah.” He said softly, “All of this is a first….first male partner, first orgasm, first undressing, first non-restless nap.” He listed off with a smile, “and the first time I feel truly comfortable.” He whispered as his blush grew darker.

 

A small squeak escaped Remy’s mouth, ducking his head as he carefully slid the sweats down to Logan’s mid-thigh, “Well, I am glad you--” He cleared his throat and lifted his chin, blushing brightly, “-uh, feel comfortable.”

 

Logan giggled at his flustered soulmate, truly enjoying the way Remy’s cheeks blushed brightly and how happy he felt, “I feel comfortable with you, my dick...not so much.” he bit his lip even as he felt his face turn very red.

 

Remy choked on a giggle, meeting Logan’s eyes with a grin, even as he blushed furiously, “I can help deal with that.” He purred, sliding off Logan’s sweats, “If you want.” He added with a smirk.

 

“Less clothes, more cuddles, then stuff...maybe.” Logan said through giggles.

 

Remy smirked as he finally got the sweats off, leaning back down over his soulmate, “That sounds like the perfect plan.” He purred with a warm smile, “Should I also ditch the sweats?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

Logan blushed deeply, feeling very exposed now that he was naked. He cautiously reached his hands out to the waistband of Remy’s sweats pulling them down to rest just above where his dick would be.  There was a moment where he paused and looked up at Remy his eyes conveying the worry and hesitancy that laid in his brain. Despite those feelings, he couldn’t help but feel excited, even though there was an inkling of fear that expected what he might find could bite him. Even though logically he knew penises don’t bite; he avoided his own as much as possible save for keeping it clean. 

 

Remy watched as Logan paused and the gears started to turn. He gently set his hands over Logan’s, “Hey.” he whispered, “if you want them to stay on, they can.” He assured as he massaged the back of Logan’s hands, “Or I can take them off if you want.” He offered, smiling as he held Logan’s eyes, “I can lie down, so you can take your time.” He said, adding another option as he continued to move his fingers over Logan’s hands, “If it takes 30 seconds or 4 hours, I don’t care.”

 

“I want them off...I want to be close. I want you.” Logan whispered as he pulled the sweats down as far as he could while keeping his eyes locked on Remy’s, “I trust you.”

 

Remy smiled, “I--I trust you too.” He traced his fingertips to Logan’s wrists before crawling back to hold himself over his soulmate and trying to work the sweats past his knees, “I think I’m stuck.” He whispered playfully with a smirk.

 

Logan leaned up to kiss Remy and pushed his pants even further, “My arms are only so long, Rem.” he whined.   
  
“I know babe,” Remy said with a giggle, “Oh my god, hang on,” he threw himself to the side, landing on his back, “This happens a lot, bear with me.” He said with a laugh.

 

Logan giggled into Remy’s shoulder, “You’re a hot mess….you’d think someone who is as active as you say you are would get the hang of it.” he teased playfully. 

 

Remy’s back arched as he laughed, “Sex is never clean and simple!” He turned, kicking off the sweats and turning to face Logan, “There is always something awkward about it,” he added softly, “Gotta learn to laugh with it, or you’ll never have fun.” He teased softly.

 

The room was silent as Logan thought and wrapped his arms around his soulmate, “Well I wouldn’t know….” He whispered sadly, letting his hand move down to his boxers, “C--can I?” he whispered.

 

There was a slight change to the room that Remy noticed, “I’ll be sure to show you how fun it can be,” he whispered, kissing gently over Logan’s cheeks, “Lemme lie on my back? And take your time. There is no rush.” He reminded him.

 

Logan nodded, “I just really want to be close….Are you still comfortable or would you rather keep those on?” He rambled.

 

Remy smirked as he got comfortable on his back, “I hate clothes.” He winked with a playful grin, “So taking them off is fine with me.” He purred.

 

“Could...could you take them off? I’m nervous…” Logan asked as he hid his face in the crook of Remy’s neck, feeling the nerves take over again, “I literally walked in after you finished ‘dealing’ with yourself covering my eyes with my hand.” he explained with a nervous laugh.

 

While seeing his soulmate look so nervous made his heart sink thinking about what might have ruined Logan’s view of sex, “Oh honey.” He whispered as he tangled his fingers in Logan’s hair, “They can st---.”

 

Logan didn’t let Remy finish his sentence, “I want them off….I want all of you Rem.” He said as a bright blush dawned his cheeks. 

 

Remy pressed a kiss to Logan’s forehead, “Well then,” he planted his feet and raised his hips, quickly slipping off his boxers, “Hup!” He tossed them across the room, grinning as he turned slowly to Logan, “There we go.” He purred with a smirk.

 

Now that Remy’s boxers were off there was nothing inhibiting Logan from looking except himself. He kept his eyes locked on Remy’s as he shuffled closer. 

 

His soulmate’s aversion to looking further than his face did not go unnoticed by Remy. His face softened as he reached up to trace over Logan’s face, “If you want them back on, at any point, say the word, okay?” He whispered running his toes down his shin, “Take your time, darling.”

 

Logan smiled softly, “It just feels invasive, which I know is idiotic given our current situation.” He let out a deep breath, “I’ll look eventually….I’m still comfortable.” He assured, “Just out of my element.” He gasped softly and let out a shaky moan from Remy’s toes.

 

Remy’s smiled widened slightly, “In your own time,” he cupped Logan’s cheek, “You’ve done so much in two days,” his eyes shone when they met Logan’s, “I’m....impressed.”

 

There was something so genuine about what Remy was saying that Logan couldn’t help but smile. He leaned forward to pressing a kiss over his soulmate’s soulmark, grinning as he heard Remy gasp, “You’ve done the same. You’ve learned things from me, helped me learn, helped me be comfortable. Even though you have experience you took it slow for me…you were open, honest, and vulnerable because you trusted me and wanted to. I’m proud of you.” As he spoke he continued placing gentle kisses over the blue tinted soulmark noticing a slight shift in some of the lines and a pretty shade of blue.

 

“Logan…” Remy whined as he blushed brightly and hid his face in Logan’s hair, “You’re gonna fluster me…” He continued, wriggling his hips. 

 

Logan relented the kisses to the soulmark, trailing his hand up to Remy’s neck and kissing his soulmate deeply as pressed his body close.  A surprised noise escaped the other as Logan felt arms wrap around his waist to pull him closer as he melted into the kiss. Remy’s other arm slipped beneath Logan, bending at the elbow to toy with tangled locks of hair. 

 

A moan escaped Logan as he tried to deepen it. He moved his leg to tangle with Remy’s, accidentally brushing the other’s cock. The other jerked from the sudden friction, sighing hard with a whine as he tangled his legs with Logan’s. He deepened the kiss with a soft needy moan. Logan pulled back, “Are--are you okay?” he asked softly. 

 

Remy panted a little, “Fine,” he smiled warmly, “I’m fine.” he repeated, gently running his nails down Logan’s back, “Just want more...of you…”

 

The nails on Logan’s back caused his back to arch, resting flush against Remy’s chest, “Rem…” he whined.

 

A grin spread across Remy’s face, “You liked that, honey?” He asked, repeating the motion.

 

“I need you…” Logan whimpered against Remy’s neck.

 

Only breathless panting filled the room as Remy ran his hand down Logan’s back, resting on his hand on his hip, “I need you.”   
  
Logan rolled on top of Remy, pushing him effectively onto his back and recapturing Remy’s lips in a heated kiss. The other melted into the kiss, both hands free to explore Logan’s back, resting on his hips and squeezing as he kissed back. 

 

Moments passed that felt like eternity, when finally Logan pulled away breathless, blushing deeply from their position, “I just needed you close...I still have no idea what I want but I know I want you.” He said softly as he rolled off of Remy and his body felt aflame. It was both too much and not enough. He was somehow drowning and floating on cloud nine at the same time.

 

Remy arched slightly from the friction, whining softly, “Is okay…” he whispered, squeezing Logan’s hips, “I want you...I want-” he dug his nails in slightly, “-God, I want you so bad, Logan.” His head tilting up as his eyes burned with desire and deep love, “Kiss me more please.”   
  
The room was filled with Logan’s moan as they kissed passionately, everything touching Remy roared to life, feeling his heart pounding as everything else fell away.

 

One of Remy’s hands dug into Logan’s hip as the other firmly ran nails down his back, moaning from how unbelievably good it all felt. He fit just right, in all the right places and Remy wanted more, wanted everything Logan wanted to give.

 

“Rem...Remy...I don’t know where to go now.” Logan whined as he broke the kiss breathlessly, “I--I want you…” His body knew what he wanted but his brain said no; he’d have to figure out what he wanted, “I--uh--need help figuring out what I want.”   
  
His soulmate was adorable when he got all nervous and flustered, “We have plenty of places, baby,” arching up against Logan’s chest, “I can use my hands,” he purred as he kissed Logan’s neck, “Or my mouth,” he scratched down Logan’s back, “You can just bury yourself inside me and enjoy the feelings.” He kissed up Logan’s neck to his jaw, “I want...I need  _ you _ to get off first.” He purred, as he relished in each moan coming from Logan’s lips.

 

_ Jesus Christ.  _ How many options were there? He contemplated what Remy said as he listened to his heart. Having Remy set the options out in front of him helped; it was less overwhelming than the whole spectrum of porn.  He focused in on how he was feeling, nothing like the pit in his stomach was there but faint. This pit felt more like excitement and nervousness. His skin didn’t feel like it was crawling either. Quite the opposite, it was on fire but also super relaxed. He let out a deep breath and looked back up at Remy, “Rem?”

 

However long it took, Remy would wait for his soulmate to order his thoughts, “Yeah, baby?” he whispered, running a hand through Logan’s hair.

 

Logan smiled at the gentle touch, “I want...I want whatever keeps the most contact.” He said softly.   
  


“Well, baby, the best way for that is to just slide inside me.” Remy whispered gently, “But we can work up to that, okay?” He ran the back of his finger along Logan’s jaw, “And if we don’t do it today that’s okay too.” He traced another hand down Logan’s chest, before coming up to trace his collarbone, “It’s all about you and your comfort.”

 

The blush crept up Logan’s cheeks as he tried to hide it in Remy’s chest, “I’d still be able to see your face?” He asked softly and paused, “Rem...I don’t own lube.” he squeaked.

 

Remy buried a hand in Logan’s hair, “I can be on my back if you want, darling,” he murmured, “Baby, I won’t need lube.” He purred as traced over the back of Logan’s shoulders with a finger, “Just take it slow for me, and I’ll be okay.” He assured.

 

A silence fell over the room as Logan thought, “I--I have no idea what I’m doing....will you guide me? Like earlier?” He asked as goosebumps rose from Remy’s touch.

 

One of Remy’s hands moved to squeeze Logan’s shoulder, “Of course baby, just like before. I’ll be right here.” He smiled gently, “Look up at me, honey.”

 

As Remy spoke Logan felt tension ease out of his shoulders and he lifted his head to look up at Remy, “Yeah?”

 

“I’ll guide you the whole way.” Remy assured as he cupped Logan’s cheek, “and you can always stop, no strings attached, no hard feelings.” He whispered softly, pressing a long gentle kiss to Logan’s lips, “Okay?”

 

Logan leaned into the hand on his cheek, “Okay… I want to try… we’ll go slow?”

 

It seemed as though Remy couldn’t stop smiling. Every minute with his soulmate just gave him immense happiness even if this wasn’t how sex usually went for him, “Slow as you need or want.” Remy said with a nod, “You don’t even have to move when you’re in.” He said gently, “We’ll need a pillow under my hips, sweetheart.”

 

_ A pillow?  _ That seemed like an odd request, “Why the pillow?” Logan asked as he moved to grab the one behind the pair but remembered what Remy had said about having a good time and set it on Remy’s chest instead, “Nap time.” He muttered as he flopped onto the pillow.

 

Remy spoke as Logan moved, “Better angle for us, baby.” He answered, watching his soulmate and short circuiting from his antics. He threw his head back with a laugh, then looked back to his dorky soulmate, “Comfortable?” He teased, running his hand over Logan’s hair. 

 

Snoring filled the room as Logan faked being a sleep and smiled, “Mhmm.”

 

The snoring was cut off by Remy’s laugh, “Guess I’ll just have to get off later then,” he wriggled slightly, instantly regretting that choice as his hard cock caught friction, “Postponing sex drive, please standby.”

 

Logan giggled, “Rem.” he whined, getting up slightly and sitting back on his knees between Remy’s legs, gently placing the pillow under his hips, “Right there?” He asked shyly.

 

Remy shifted the pillow, “There’s perfect.” He held his hands out to Logan, “Come back here,” he whispered, “Kiss please.” The slow lead up to actual sex is definitely something new but he could get used to it.

 

Taking Remy’s hands was practically instinct as crawled back on top of his soulmate, hovering over his face and leaning down to kiss him slowly. 

 

Between the two of them they might as well have been snow melting in the spring with how much the both of the melted into a puddles with each other. Remy hummed quietly into the kiss, hands gently running up Logan’s sides. 

 

The passion was hard to deny as Remy gently ran his nails down Logan’s back, arching up slightly, “Logan…” he whined, “...please…” He added, digging his fingertips between his shoulder blades.

 

“Can you show me what to do, Rem?” Logan asked as he moved away.

 

How could his head be so hazy just after that?  _ Fuck.  _ Remy took a few deep breaths, focusing on Logan “Put your hands here, baby, on the mattress by my hips.”

 

Logan did as he was told, “Okay.” He said softly.

 

Remy smiled up at him, “Pull your hips a little closer to mine, baby.” He said softly as he moved his hand to the back of neck.

 

He never knew that a hand on his neck could feel so comforting. Logan followed Remy’s instructions, keeping his eyes locked on his soulmate.

 

Silence filled the room as Remy swallowed, “Do you feel there, babe? That spot? Push a little harder.” He said gently with a smile.

 

“Are you okay…?” Logan asked softly.  

 

A laugh tumbled out of Remy’s mouth, “Oh honey, I’m fine.” He said with a laugh, “A little excited, but fine.”

 

Logan smiled, “Okay, I trust you…” He pushed in a little harder. The nervous feelings being drowned out by the hormones of wanting his soulmate. He closed his eyes taking in the sensation, it was warm, it felt nice, safe. Almost close enough to Remy. A sigh left his mouth as he tried to find the pit in his stomach but found it to very quiet. His eyes opened slowly to take in Remy’s face.

 

Soft gasps were the only sound to be heard in the room as Remy tipped his head and panted softly as his soulmate stopped. He gently squeezed Logan’s neck, “Oh babe, geez.” He whispered breathlessly as he tipped his head back, eyes hooded as he met Logan’s eyes, “God, you feel good,” he licked his lips, “You okay?”

 

People got praised during sex? More importantly someone was praising Logan during sex! He didn’t realise that was even a possibility, “Yeah I’m okay...nervous but okay.” He admitted with a sheepish smirk as he pushed in to about halfway.

 

Remy tipped his head back again, groaning as Logan pushed in further, his fingertips digging into his soulmate’s neck. He opened his legs, taking a few breaths when Logan stopped, pulling his head back to meet the other’s eyes, “God, Logan,” he whined, a long high-note, “Feel so good, baby, honey, so good.” He panted, “Give me, ah, a minute, gimme…”

 

The hazy sensation in Logan’s brain was new but he fought past it because he had to know, “Am I hurting you…?” His voice concerned as he tried to focus on Remy rather than the sensations. 

If Remy’s mind was more clear he would’ve appreciated just how caring and cute his soulmate was but as it was he brain was a little foggy. He shook his head, “No!” He gasped a breath, “No,” he answered more softly, concerned he’d spooked Logan, “No, God, no,” he breathed deep and sighed, “Just...lord above, so much of you, Logan.” He finally managed to pry his eyes opened to meet the golden brown ones staring back at him, “You feel so good.” He smiled, “I’m okay. I’m okay.” He swallowed, “Are you?”

 

Relief flooded Logan, “I’m okay, promise.” He answered, his voice higher than normal. He took a deep breath, it felt good; weird but he felt safe. The thought of how it would feel the other way around crossed his mind but he quickly pushed it away as it caused the pit to come back. His hands moved to Remy’s chest, to increase the amount of contact, “just….just tell me when you’re ready.” he said hesitantly. 

 

Knowing that Logan was okay eased some worry in Remy, although he still didn’t believe it, as he moved his hand to rest over Logan’s, “I’m ready.” He smiled, “I’m here, baby, you sure you’re okay?”

 

Logan nodded, “I just wanted more contact, Rem.” He assured his soulmate with a smile as he pushed in slowly until finally bottoming out.  He hoped he went slow enough. Breathing was getting a bit harder due to their situation and a slight panic of not knowing what to do next or the expectations. 

 

This wasn’t some random, one night stand. This was Logan; Remy calmed himself as quickly as he could fighting past the whining and groaning. He had to wait for his soulmate, not the other way around. Remy gently pulled at the back of Logan’s neck, “So much...Logan, shit,” he smiled, “Come closer, please, baby, please.”

 

It helped Logan to know that Remy wanted him close, to know he was wanted and needed, “This is almost close enough.” He teased lightly, as leaned toward Remy.

 

Remy chuckled breathlessly, a leg wrapping around Logan’s waist and shifting the angle. He tipped his head back, surprised it hit him so perfectly, groaning as he arched up against Logan, “I need you, Lo…” He breathed, tipping his head back to meet Logan’s eyes, “I  _ need  _ you,” he wanted to tease back, but for once his mind was blissfully clear, focused on Logan, on how they felt together.

 

A groan left Logan’s mouth as he felt Remy move. He lunged forward kissing Remy deep and needy letting out a moan, “I  _ need  _ you.”

 

The kiss was needy and feverish as Remy returned it, hands clawing at his back, “So close, Lo, so close.” He peppered kisses all over his cheeks, nose and jaw, “It’s so good, you feel so good, I cant-” He took a breath, trying to calm himself down, “I can’t think. I just want you.” He softened and slowed his kisses down, “I want more of you.” He tangled a hand in Logan’s hair, “I….I just…”

 

“Rem...it feels so good.” Logan whined as Remy slowed down the kiss, he groaned at the hand tangled in his hair then reconnected their lips in a needy kiss. He tried to drink up every bit of Remy he could, moaning as he shifted his weight to deepen the kiss. 

 

Remy moaned softly, arching with a high yelp as Logan shifted, fingers digging into his neck and scalp, “Ah fuck,” he whined, “Lo, Lo,” he panted breathlessly, “I want…” He wrapped both arms around Logan’s neck, kissing him desperately. 

 

Was that noise normal? Was he in pain? Logan broke the kiss momentarily to scrutinize his soulmate’s face, studying it for any signs of pain or discomfort but finding none he leaned back and kissed Remy hungrily; ready to give this man anything he wanted. He let out a loud whine at Remy’s nails and the building sensation that he now knew was a growing climax.

 

There was definitely a difference between dick Remy had in the past but Logan...holy shit, Logan was big. He filled all the right places, body tightening as he clung to Logan, like if he let go he’d vanish. And it wasn’t like he got to take dick often making this...well, kinda special. Remy moaned into the kiss, wrapping his other leg around Logan’s waist, gently nipping his lower lip, “Baby, baby, I need you, I’m...I’m.” he whined.

 

It felt like they’d never be close enough, there would always be too much distance but this was a good start. Logan whined at Remy tensing, “What….do you need, Rem?” He asked breathlessly, trailing kisses along Remy’s jawline and neck. Logan moaned as his hips started rocking without his input. 

 

Remy tried to calm himself, even a little, to see past the haze, “It feels so good.” He whined, fingers scrabbling a little at Logan’s back, “You feel….so good.” He needed...something. He wanted something but he didn’t know  _ what _ .  As Logan trailed his lips down to his neck, Remy tried to press their chest together, feeling Logan’s hips rocking, gasping softly and moaning in his shoulder. Every movement of Logan sent his mind blissfully blank, focussing on how perfect Logan felt over him and inside him, “So...good…” He whimpered, head falling back but holding Logan as close as possible. 

 

“I---L…” Logan cut himself off now wasn’t the time. Even if he loved Remy, knowing enough about how scared he was that this would disappear, he couldn’t do that to him...he couldn’t say he loved him during sex. Not for the first time.  After gathering his thoughts some more and staying as close as possible to Remy’s chest, he continued placing kisses on his neck and shoulder. Finally stopping at Remy soulmark and kissing it lovingly. Logan gripped Remy’s hips tightly as the feeling grew more intense, his hips still rocking; stuttering every so often. A loud moan escaped his lips as he bit down on the skin, not quite going over the edge but he was  _ so  _ close.

 

Just like every other touch from his soulmate his soulmark sparked alive, this time more intense than before, alive with...something. Remy’s body arched from Logan’s warm lips; he gasped, feeling himself tensing, so close to his peak, but also afraid to go over. Was Logan okay? Would he be okay? He--”Lo?” he murmured, breathless, “You’re okay? Are-” he tensed a little when Logan bit down on him, “Are you okay, baby?”

 

Every time Remy tensed, Logan felt like he’d pass out. The sensation were overwhelming, not unwelcome but new.  He leaned his forehead against Remy’s “I’m okay, Rem…” He mumbled, “Jus’ feel so good....” He smiled down at Remy, kissing him deep and greedy, having Remy be as close as possible and touching everywhere made the world fall away. His hips stuttered one more from their usual slow rocking rhythm and before he could say anything he was cumming hard and fast; letting out a long drawn out moan into his mouth. 

 

The sounds throughout the room were the only thing Remy could focus on. He couldn’t help it, arching and tensing, eyes rolling back as he came, clinging to Logan like his life depended on it. The only noises he could make were tiny squeaks, broken by his ragged breathing and ungodly high, kissing Logan hard while it lasted. 

 

Logan whimpered at the feeling of Remy tensing and the cum that was no doubt coating both he and Remy. He didn’t know what to do from here so he just kept Remy close and continued kissing him passionately. 

 

Remy wrapped his arms tightly around Logan’s neck, kissing him deeply but softening it slowly, catching his breath. He smiled against Logan’s lips moaning contentedly, “Oh baby,” he whispered, “Oh baby, you okay?” He could feel something shifting inside him, something warm and happy and tangled with fear. It made him want to cry, not sure why, and the first time it had ever happened. He couldn’t let Logan see this. He was fine. But what about Logan?

 

It was probably a good idea to clean up but that was the furthest thing from Logan’s mind. He whined at Remy slowing the kiss then pulled away, nodding, eyes still hazy as he nuzzled Remy’s cheek, “Rem, I’m okay...just don’t know what to do from here…” he mumbled softly. His smile faltered when he felt Remy’s emotions, “I’m okay. I needed this as much as you did…” He assured, kissing Remy’s lips gently.


	26. Pillowtalk and Crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while but here you go!
> 
> Warnings: fear, crying, kissing, sex mention,

Something about Logan’s soft voice, the gentle reassurance, killed the fear but pushed tears into his eyes. He kissed Logan back, shaking as he cupped Logan’s cheeks, “I’m...I’m not sad but--” He felt a tear slip free, “-I don’t know what I’m….feeling…” He whispered.

 

Instinctively Logan brushed the tear away, “That’s okay, baby. Do you need anything from me?” He asked softly, keeping as much contact as possible. 

 

For the first time in Remy’s life, he felt he could trust someone, and that someone was Logan. He felt like he was made of jelly or...or glass...something fragile and weak but he was warm, “H--hold..me?” He asked, tentatively, swallowing hard, “I don’t want to but...but I might...cry and…” He bit his lip, feeling himself starting to shake more, “I’m happy and just… a lot and…” He blinked even as his vision blurred with tears, “Please?”

 

Logan wrapped his arms around Remy the best he could. He didn’t want to move and attempted to keep himself pressed up against his soulmate, “I’ve got you, Rem.” He whispered, “But--uh--I have to ask...You’re not in pain?” He asked, watching Remy’s face for clues.

 

How had the universe managed to pair Remy with someone who cared so much? Remy shook his head, tears spilling freely as he smiled up at Logan, heart soaring. Logan filled parts of Remy he hadn’t known were empty, “I’m not hurt, baby,” his voice was thick with emotion, “Just...overwhelmed.” He whispered, while running his hands over Logan’s back, “Feelings...there’s so many and--” He closed his eyes as he fought back a sob, “--I need you.” He whispered. 

 

“I need you...so much Rem. I don’t ever want this feeling….this feeling of safety and happiness to ever leave.” Logan said as he smiled at Remy.

 

Remy thought he was done with firsts. He’d done and explored almost everything sex had to offer but this...Staring up at Logan, feeling safe and stable and cared for...seeing warmth and care in his eyes, feeling happy…This was a first, “I don’t want it to leave.” He answered, voice breaking as he pulled a hand to his face, hiding the tears that were streaming down his face, “I want you, I need you, Lo, more than I thought I would ever need or want anyone.”  Remy’s other hand slipped down to Logan’s hip, “Please-” his face twisted beneath his hand, “-stay in my life.”

 

If the emotions during sex were a lot then this was somehow even more intense. Logan gently moved Remy’s hand from his face, “Remy I’m not going anywhere...I don’t want to but also this is my house...watching you leave for work while I stay here after having my house so full of life will be torture.” He paused, taking a moment to even out his breathing, “But I have to trust you’ll come back.”

 

More sobs escaped Remy as he hiccuped. “I don’t wanna go,” He whimpered as he tangled his fingers with Logan’s, “I wanna come back,” he squeezed Logan’s hip, “I wanna be in your life.” He squeezed their interlaced fingers, “Please, Lo, be a part of mine.”

Logan squeezed his hand back, “Remy of course I’ll be part of yours...you’re always welcome in my house and I hope in turn it soon becomes _ your _ home.”

 

All words and thoughts flew out of Remy’s head, burying his face in Logan’s neck clinging tightly to his soulmate feeling himself being pulled closer. 

 

Soft words filled the room as Logan comforted Remy. He didn’t dare move even if he was slightly uncomfortable. Remy was most important. 

 

Eventually Remy’s crying subsided, pulling himself together and looking at Logan. He sniffled, wiping at his cheek with his hand, “Sorry, baby, sorry. I’m….I’m okay.” He pressed a gentle reassuring kiss to Logan’s cheek, “You can---” he sniffled softly, “pull out if ya want.” He whispered sheepishly. 

 

“I don’t really want to....but it is slightly uncomfortable now.” Logan said softly with a chuckle, kissing Remy’s lips gently, “You don’t always have to pull yourself together for me, Rem.” He reminded gently, “You don’t have to always be strong.”

 

Remy offered a small smile, “When you’re ready, baby.” His lip wobbled a little, “I’m okay.” He tried to reassure even as his voice trembled. 

 

Logan grimaced as he pulled out slowly, then laid down next to Remy and gathered him up in his arms, “I need you in my life, Rem...I hope one day I can show you just how much truth there is to that statement.”

 

As Logan pulled out Remy relaxed, taking a deep breath and hiding in his soulmate’s chest as he was pulled close. He desperately tried to ignore the mess he’d made between them, wanting to just soak in his soulmate, “I….want you in my life, Lo,” his voice wobbled, an arm wrapping around Logan’s waist tightly, “So much….so much it hurts.”

 

“We’ll figure it out, Rem.” Logan assured gently, “I know we’ve only known each other for a few days but it feels like so much longer.” He sighed softly then continued, “If soulmate and soulmark psychology is to be believed then Remy you are the only one I want or need.” He whispered gently.

 

More tears welled up in Remy’s eyes but this time he let the tears fall freely into Logan’s chest. His breathing was shaky but no longer feeling nearly as overwhelmed, “I’m sorry for crying.” He apologized with a weak laugh, “I‘m not normally like this, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

A shy blush crept on Logan’s face, “I wasn’t scared…worried that my inexperience had possibly been the cause of you getting hurt.” He said sheepishly, “So no need to apologize.”   
  


Remy shook his head, not ready to look up at Logan, “No baby no….No pain.” He assured, pulling his soulmate closer, “Just a lot more emotions than usual.” He whispered into Logan’s chest, swallowing a lump in his throat, “It was...it was amazing.” He added, in an awe-filled murmur.

 

Logan nuzzled Remy’s hair, relaxing at the praise and knowing his soulmate was okay, “Sex isn’t usually that emotional?” He asked innocently.

 

“Not for me.” Remy said with a soft chuckle, “Granted, I’ve never had sex with my soulmate before…” He attempted to tease.

 

A nervous laugh escaped Logan as he tightened his grip around Remy, “It was...impressive and overwhelming.” he whispered softly, “I hadn’t considered that the emotions you’d feel would be so intense and that I could feel them too.”

 

Remy laughed nervously with him, “It has never happened to me before.” He answered, “Not even….with…” He swallowed hard as he forced the thought away, “People I was romantically involved with.” He finished quickly, taking a deep breath, “I....honestly thought emotional sex was all a lie.” He added with a laugh, taking another breath and looking at Logan, “Are you okay? It was intense for me, but...you felt them too…” he asked him gently, concern in his voice. 

 

Logan nodded with a soft hum, “Considering this was my first experience, I don’t know that i’d like to experience any other kind.” He smiled, nuzzling Remy’s head, “I’m fine Rem,” He assured, “Tired and messy but okay.” He sighed then kissed Remy’s forehead, “I--I apologize if you see my feeling your emotions as weird or an intrusion.” He whispered, “I don’t mean to.” Ever since he realized he was an empath he always felt the need to apologize for feeling other peoples’ emotions as it always felt intrusive.

 

A smile pulled onto Remy’s face as he nuzzled Logan back, then shook his head slowly. Finally pulling his head back to meet Logan’s eyes, “It’s not intrusive,” he whispered, “I just….I know they are a lot.” His eyes fell to Logan’s chest, one hand toying with the ridge of Logan’s collarbone, “They’re intense for me….I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.” His voice dropped into something soft and warm, “I...worry. Is all.”

 

“Your feelings are much more intense than anyone else’s I’ve felt and they are overwhelming.” Logan offered with a soft laugh, “However they aren’t unenjoyable. I just don’t want you hiding your feelings around me because you’re worried I’ll know.”

 

A soft sigh escaped Remy as a smile pulled onto his face, “I’m sorry they’re so intense,” He chuckled softly, “I’m accustomed to, uh, hiding them. It’s not you.” He said quietly as he wriggled a little, “I’m trying not to though, ya know? I… I wanna be honest with you feelings included.” He gave Logan a weak uncertain smile, “Just be patient with me?”

 

Logan gave him a reassuring smile, “It will take time and I understand that, but as long as you’re trying I appreciate it.”

 

Tension left Remy’s shoulders, “Do you...wanna take a shower?” He asked softly, “I bet you’re feeling pretty gross right now.” he teased lightly. 

 

Even though it didn’t make sense Logan felt the need to be close to Remy, “I don’t really want to be away from you…” Logan said hesitantly. He had heard rumors of people being clingy after sex and scoffed at them, but this was different. Sex in general was enjoyable nad fun when it was consenual and both people enjoyed it. But sex with his soulmate was mindblowing, being able to feel all of his emotions as well as his own and drowing in the amount of warmth, reassurance, and joy that was there it was soothing and energizing all at once. 

 

Remy gave him a small smile, more certain, more himself than before, “I could come with you.” He answered, “Pun not intended.” He added with a small smirk, searching Logan’s face. He had never experienced so much care and concern and stability from one person before. He’d also never really felt so fulfilled. There was no yearning this time, no longing for something he couldn’t find. He didn’t know what it was, exactly, but it seemed like he’d found it in Logan.

 

Logan nodded, “Please… I feel idiotic for being this clingy but I want you Rem.”

 

The smile on Remy’s face widened, as he shook his head, “I’ve heard it’s perfectly normal after sex.” He shook hair from his face, “I wouldn’t know about soulmates… but it’s not uncommon.” He shifted slightly, getting an elbow under him and leaning up slightly over Logan, “Should I put some boxers on first?”

 

A quizzical look crossed Logan’s face, “So not something you’ve experienced…and probably not something you want in a sexual partner, i it?” he asked hesitantly, with a shy smile, “Please? I’m still intimidated and considering I could feel it against me, I’d say I have a right?”   
  


“Well, maybe I have.” Remy scoffed softly, with a shrug, “But only once before.” He gently kissed Logan’s lips, “and...no, not really.” He sat up, turning slowly and immediately feeling colder without Logan’s touch, “intimidated by me? I am nowhere near as big as you are, baby.” He tried to ignore the sensation deep inside him, the reminder that they had, in fact, had some kind of sex. He found his boxers, quickly padded over to his boxers and slipped them on.

 

Logan sighed happily into the kiss but tensed at Remy’s words about a clingy sexual partner being a turn off...so was he ruining it? Ruining the mood by need the contact? He blushed softly as Remy’s compliment on his size and looked anywhere but at Remy as he dressed.

 

Once dressed Remy turned back towards Logan, catching the startled look on Logan’s face, “Baby? What’s wrong?” He padded slowly back to the bed, sitting beside him and pressing his thigh against Logan’s side, “Did I say something wrong?”

Logan frowned, “If a clingy sexual partner is undesirable...does--does that make me undesirable?” He whispered sounding more hurt than he’d like. He trusted Remy, they’d been more intimate in a short amount of time than Logan knew he was capable of...but if how he reacted after sex was unwanted or disgusting then...then his thoughts spiraled. He turned to face Remy with a blank expression hopping to hide the turmoil inside his head.

 

It took a minute for Remy’s brain to catch up, but when it did his eyes went wide and guild crushed his heart in a vice, “Oh my god, Logan, no!” He leaned over, his hands on either side of Logan’s head, “You are so much  _ more _ than just some sexual partner!” He frowned, “You mean so much more than that.” He assured

 

While Logan trusted what Remy was saying, he still needed clarification, “Rem...Do I mean more because  _ something _ says we are soulmates or because you care?” He asked, voice just above a whisper, reaching his hand out to rest on Remy’s cheek, “Because I couldn’t care less about the universe or whatever decided we were soulmates...I care for you so much and I need you, Remy.”

 

Remy’s voice caught in his throat for a moment, “Because I care, Logan.” He answered, “More than I thought capable.” He took a deep breath, leaning into Logan’s hand, “Sure, the soulmate thing is...kinda nice. Ya know, like...confirmation, kinda.” He let his eyes slip closed, relishing the warmth of his soulmate, “But I car. So deeply. That even if it was wrong, I...I want to be a part of your life.” He opened his eyes to hold Logan’s gaze, “In whatever way you’ll have me.”

 

As Remy spoke a small smile crossed Logan’s lips, he extended both arms and wrapped them around Remy’s neck pulling his soulmate closer, “I need you Remy. I need you in my life...you make me feel like I’m not alone and that I deserve to be happy. That I  _ can  _ be happy.”

 

“You deserve to be happy.” Remy whispered as he relaxed against Logan and took in all of his soulmate’s scents, “More than anyone.” He added in Logan’s ear.

 

A shiver ran down Logan’s spine at Remy’s closeness to his ear, “As do you.” He replied against Remy’s neck, with a soft sigh, “However we should get up and shower. You made a mess.” He tried to tease and lighten the mood. 

 

Remy’s lips twisted into a frown, doubt clawing at his heart but he sighed in relief when Logan changed the subject, “We should.” He whispered, pulling away slightly, “You’re getting sticky.” He wrinkled his nose playfully.

 

Logan placed a hand on Remy’s cheek, “I care about you, A lot Rem, don’t doubt that. If this, us being soulmates is our fate then I’d say the universe or whomever chose well. I could not imagine a better addition to my life, aside from maybe a cat.” He leaned in and kissed Remy slowly putting all the emotions he was currently feeling into the kiss.

 

Remy giggled, before kissing Logan back with the same emotion, “You’re a cat.” He whispered, pulling back, “Let’s take this shower honeybee.”

 

“I am not a cat!” Logan whined, rolling his eyes and sitting up. In this new position he pushed Remy off of him and strutted to the bathroom. 

 

A grin spread across Remy’s face as he watched the way Logan’s back rippled, his ass swayed and soulmark lit up when his eyes fell on it. “You  _ are. _ ” He answered, carefully standing and trying not to blush as he felt Logan’s spent moving inside him again. It felt different than he was used to.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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